I recently found out that my wife slept with another man. We are working things out, but this has left me feeling insecure about me as a husband and a man. What can I do to help regain the confidence I once had.
Hi heartbroken81 and welcome to ehealth: .If you were having problems with your sexual relations, then ask her why this happened...It is up to her to help you along this line...How long have you been married...Take care...
We have been married for 9 years. We have talked about it, but I feel like I need someone other than her to talk to. Due to my work schedule and hers being opposite of each other I hardly ever socialize with anyone since we have 2 young kids.
Her story in a nutshell
"She had been out drinking with some friends as she does once in a while, and went to an after party. She was pretty drunk and a guy took advantage of her. My wife is a beautiful woman and I know guys always flirt with her, so I do believe her."
At the time this happened we weren't spending much time together or even talking. So I feel some of this is my fault for not being there emotionally for her.
Since learning about this we have been talking, and I am very happy with our marriage. I don't want to leave my wife and she keeps telling me it was a mistake and she wants to be with me only. The problem for me is that I am used to being a very confident (almost cocky) individual, and now I question everything that I do. My confidence is shaken and I was wondering if anyone could give me advice on how to regain it.
I am doing a little better today after getting a little bit of helpful advice yesterday.
I had been beating myself up because I was telling myself her afair happened because I wasn't being a good husband.
Yesterday I was told that while me admittingly not being a good husband was hurtful INSIDE our marriage, I had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she decided to go OUTSIDE the marriage. She could have told me what was bothering her but she decided to sleep with another man instead and I should not feel any responsibility for that.
While I dont completely believe that I was not at fault, I will admit that I did not force her to cheat on me. Understanding that its not my fault has helped to start and regain some of my confidence.