Hello, I am just a normal guy who's struggling to manage my own emotions when it comes to being single. I'm 19 years old and have just finished my first year of college. Like another post on here, I went to an all-boys middle and high school, and my social skills have definitely suffered as a result. As one would guess, I've never really had any luck with girls. Very few dates, no kissing or anything beyond that. I've never gotten anywhere with any of the girls that I've seriously liked, and I have pretty bad luck of falling for girls who tend to not be single as well.
I don't have a hard time making friends, I have a lot and I make more and more every day it seems like in school. However, I still have a lot of trouble being around attractive girls. I get really nervous and to be quite honest, I turn into a different person, and that is not a good thing. I'm pretty shy, I guess, but around my friends, I'm pretty loud. My attraction senses are pretty different, so when I do find someone I'm into, it's a pretty rare occurrence. Of course, these occasions have always ended in failure.
Anyway, I have a lot of trouble with my own thoughts about this. Struggling to be optimistic is very hard. How can I be confident when I have no track record of success on which to base it? I over think my lack of success a lot. Sometimes it can really depress me.
I'm not sure what to do. I really want to be in a relationship, mostly because I'm so sick of failing and not being able to experience what it's like to love. I'm sick of my bad luck. So badly do I want to succeed for once. I at least want a chance, just a chance, with a girl that I like. However, I would also really like to stop torturing myself mentally over the matter. It's the absolute hardest problem that I ever face.
if you are shy around girls it is really normal to feel that way. you have to get out of it.
if you have a lot of friends, do you go out a lot. i m sure you seen your friends talk to girls. what your doing is having the bag guy feed negative thoughts and your head.
you have to try it, you have to try to talk to a girl. if you still maintain your cool self and just strike up a conversation with anyone. it becomes second nature.
theyre just people like you and i.
I'm having a lot of trouble getting through this. I've been trying to find some help for years now, and every bit of advice I get is always "oh, you just have to be confident!!111" Well, I'm sick of hearing that over and over again.
I want a real answer. Why do I have such a hard time finding fun/attractive girls? Even better question, how come they're never into me?
It is really hard for me to be confident about something in which I have no success.
Dammit, it's not that I have trouble talking to girls; it's that I have horrible luck when I am either unable to express my interest or when I do, it's all for nothing.
All I want is a chance with someone. I am tired of this streak of emotional defeat. It is really beginning to wear me down. I don't want years of rejection to affect me anymore.
Yes, I am pretty bitter, but I wish I wasn't, and I'm surprised that it's not any worse. It takes a lot of emotional energy and strength out of me when I've manufactured the courage to express my interest, and the pain of being rejected just destroys me every time. For a girl to at least reciprocate the interest just once would finally get me out of this hole that I unknowingly dug for myself.
well JeffKarstens i could say the same about myself but in reverse it is so hard for me to get the attention frome the opposite sex(guys) that i want and i have also tried the whole be confident thing(blah blah blah) and when i do it never seems to produce any results. it does get really frustrating especially at our age (im 19 as well about to be 20 in july) when all your friends and peers are in relationships. for me it is a constant emotional battle and i deal with mine through my faith in God now i dont know what your faith is but if you dont use that as a help then remember this (and i found this to be true) there are just as many shy girls maybe even some of your close friends who maybe are afraid of rejection so they wont approach you even though they like you so try to give your friends a second look and see if there maybe a spark the you are over looking because i know the guy i like is so oblivious to the fact that i like him and we have been close friends since birth so double check and keep it optimistic:)!!