how do i lose the lost feeling?

im nearly 27 and am nowhere near where id thought id b in my life, im not sure if im depressed, i know im completly isolating myself from all my family and friends. i dnt want anyone to know wat im thinking,and thats that im pathetic, unloved, lost and sad. i know im attractive, although overweight and i always thought thats y i didnt have a serious relationship its only now im thinkin theres no way men arent attracted to me for my looks so it has to b my personality and thats sumthing i cant change. ive lost all confidence even though i dnt show it, but faking the perfect life is exhausting me to the point where im using sex and alcohol to fill the void and wen the high runs out im even lower then i was before. i dont know who i am or wat i want in life, id never contemplate suicide but im just wondering wat the point to it all is. y am i here? i feel like im already gone.