Medical Questions > Relationships > GLBT Relationships Forum

how do I know if im a lesbian?

User Profile
Im a mother of two boys 3 and 1 and an engaged to a wonderful man who Iv been with off and on for 7 years. But I have come to a time now in my life where I dont know what I really want, and have accepted that I am atracted to women and I have been for many years, but I have only just become honest with myself about it in the last 3 months.
A friend of mine who Iv been very atracted to for a while came out to me that she was gay, and all i could say was that I wished she had known sooner. But the real thing that i wish for was that i wished I had known about myself earlier and maybe it wouldnt be so difficult.
I dont even know what I want, I dont know what to do. I just dont want to hurt anyone, but i know im not happy where I am right now.
Did you find this post helpful?
|

User Profile
replied May 25th, 2010
Community Volunteer
Hi Bekki31 and welcome to ehealth: Your question is the question of many women....I believe the reason for this is never knowing the thrill of a true hot erotic orgasm with a man...We women were born stifled...There is a part of us that is filled with inhibited shame...This part of us that refuses to release the true sexual woman inside us...Consequently, we find another woman exciting...She knows how we feel...She has the same inner sexual organs that we have...Here we can be free...Two women can look into each others eyes and know what each is thinking, yet two women can never give a woman the wonderful sexual filling that a man who you love and desire can do to you....IMO, women need time to mature to turn into the sex object that they can become...How they choose it is up to them...It may be with another woman or possibly another man, but don't ever plan on the same sexual thrill of penetration that comes with a man...

One more thing....Is he the right man?....Mine, even after all these years, turns me to mush...Good luck....

Caroline
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 6th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
Ugh
No, bisexual women have not just found the right man to straighten them out. Please do additional reading if this point of view seems at all logical to you.

Bekki31
If you've found out three months ago that your religious beliefs were eroding or that you had a severe mental disorder or that your partner had a fatal illness would you call your engagement off to evaluate where things were? Obviously until you have time to understand this realization in your life you need to hold off on the marriage. Even if you can ignore your sense that things aren't right with the relationship you're in, your finance deserves to marry a woman that is confident that she's going to remain interested in his gender.
Talk honestly with your finance about what's going on. Take some time away from this relationship to understand who you are and what you want.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied June 6th, 2010
Community Volunteer
A few years ago I wrote a blog entitled "Woman Who Love Women Make Good Lovers"...From the amount of letters I received on this blog I would say that it hit the nail on the head...The question being with a woman or possibly even a man, how many of us partner or marry someone who just plain turns us to mush....I mean by this when you are having sex that anything goes and anywhere it is so hot....You hunger for each other...You were lovers before you were friends and knew it the minute you saw each other....This is where I live...This is the way we have both enjoyed our life...This is what a woman hungers for and most of her problem is being able to be partnered with a man who will fulfill her inner wants and let her speak of them without distaste....I wonder how many women who have chosen the lesbian path in life are truly sexually happy?...I say this for one reason...Nothing, but nothing can fill the deep sexual hunger for the male penis deep within our vaginal canal...You would die for it...Yet, I wonder if this happening is only true if you are a woman in love with a man so much that your life is his and his is yours....

A man can never know the sexual feelings of a woman...He may try, but he guesses....I would say to you to mess around with life...If this man does not do to you what my husband does to me then let it go...No woman should have to go through life tolerating sex with a man she does not desire...I can't imagine anything more painful both physically and mentally then that invasion of my soul....Take care...

Caroline
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 6th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
CarolineEF wrote:
I wonder how many women who have chosen the lesbian path in life are truly sexually happy?...I say this for one reason...Nothing, but nothing can fill the deep sexual hunger for the male penis deep within our vaginal canal...You would die for it...Yet, I wonder if this happening is only true if you are a woman in love with a man so much that your life is his and his is yours....



Caroline
The only thing I can say is that I believe that you are honestly ignorant of how massively offensive what you're saying here is to persons who are not heterosexual or really even to straight people who understand what sexual persecution is like. Out of respect for the people who post to the GLBT Relationship forum I politely request that you never discuss the "choice" of human sexuality again.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied June 6th, 2010
Community Volunteer
WOLF, unfortunately when I first posted to this woman I did not notice the category....I was thinking Women's Sexual Health...Believe me I would not have gone on this thread otherwise...I understand women...Understand how they think and how they feel...Understand what they are missing and needing...Understand that if sometime in life they happen to find the God like feeling of a vaginal orgasm during intercourse that they will cling to their lover like there is no tomorrow...This cannot happen with a female lover doing a female...A dildo just doesn't do the trick...Let's put it this way, I know the inside and sexual workings of a woman like you know the same thing of a man....Have to tell you that I do darn good for a man too...So, buzz off....I will post where I want to post, but truthfully this was a mistake here...

I will add one thing, many women feel shame...You know don't touch that...Not like you guys as you started showing it from the minute you all went to pee together...But we had to keep it hid...Oh, we would have loved to show it, but we couldn't...We choked on this want and for many of us we just plain couldn't work it out and let it all hang out....This is the workings of a woman.....You dig???...
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 6th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
Caroline
Sexual preferrence has been medically determined to be genetically determined. It is a trait no less chosen than your eye color or your gender. The notion that it can be or would ever need to be corrected is homophobic rhetoric, which is not allowed on the Ehealth forums. I am formally requesting that you, as a moderator, do something about a poster to this thread whom has suggested that Lesian or Bisexual women can be "straightenned out" if they find the right penis to ungay them. If you do not feel comfortable editting or removing the highly offensive post I'll be happy to notify a site admin so that they can do it.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied June 7th, 2010
Community Volunteer
Bekki31 when I did my first post on this thread I thought it was under Sexual Health for Women...I saw it on the front page and went from there...Please delete in your mind all the things that I have said above...I was brought up in a marriage of a Father who was gay and a Mother who was miserable...Each lived in their own misery...I believe what you feel many women feel...We need love...Not the physical joining of sexes, but deep down caring and sharing of our inner selves and emotions...This same thing is true for the man...He, too, needs to be loved and desired...If I were you and in this troubling time in my life, I guess I would test the waters of life...You don't know unless you try it....

I believe that love and sexual satisfaction is the goal of all species...How we get it, find it or use it, is up to us....Take care...

Caroline
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 10th, 2010
Active User, very eHealthy
Uh, you know, I'm gonna go ahead and say that 'lesbians just haven't found the right man' is offensive no matter WHERE you write it, Caroline.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 10th, 2010
I am a 33 year old, single woman, no kids, divorced. I feel in love with my best friend, who told me that he was inlove with me as well. We started dating and all was well, then he started saying stuff like God has not answered him as yet, if I am the one for him. Prior to this I had left my home town, and went to live some where else. I could sleep at all and nothing was working out right for me, so i returned home. I did not understand why, I returned home, until my bestfriend told me that he prayed to God that I may return home and marry him. I had no idea of this, all I no is that nothing was working out for me. NOWWWWW, he saying that he is waiting for God to answer him. WHAT DA HECKKKKK? Someone answer me please, am about to lose my damn mind here.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 10th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
akasha1977
This forum is probably not the best place for information about heterosexual relationships but I'm happy to offer you help if I can.

We have a saying in my department "Yes now, No in a week". If you're looking for confirmation it comes isntantly but if you're waiting for information to be disproven it will take a bit longer. If your male friend hasn't gotten his clear sign from God it is unlikely he will get it soon or that the sign he gets will be a 'yes'. I would cool off your intensity in this relationship if it doesn't seem to be going where you want it to. Start looking at other possible partners, invest less of yourself in a partner that can't give you a clear answer of where the relationship stands.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 14th, 2010
Well, the question to ask is "do you find women attractive at the exclusion of men?" That is all gay is. You could very well be bisexual. It comes down to who you have sexual and romantic feelings for. Being attracted to women does not mean you don't love your fiance. You need to ask yourself do you love him? Do you like sex with him? Want to spend your life with him?
But, only you can answer this. Just know that there is nothing wrong with your attraction. You have every right to be the way you are.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 12th, 2010
the answer to the question is....trust me u will know
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 13th, 2013
Dear Caroline,

Your comments are misinformed, offensive, and 'straight' out UNTRUE. Please do your research before posting things that will piss off the majority of the readers.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 17th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
Caroline uses her feelings to express opinions and there is nothing wrong with that. She has lived a long time and knows a lot but people can't get everything right all the time.

The day when someone else's opinion or lack of political correctness is found to be offensive or piss someone off is the day we should all find we are fighting the Nazis again. Enjoying freedom of thought and speech is a two-way street.

A guy in the English Parliament once said "I don't agree with what the Honourable Member is saying but I would fight to the death for his right to say it".
That is what living in a free world is all about!

What is really offensive in a free world is when folk use their freedom to find things offensive and use it as an excuse to limit the freedom of others.

Most prejudice is simply a matter of poor manners.
In a free society it is quite acceptable to like or dislike any particular group of people or to express that dislike or to make comments about that group or even to refuse to be near them but that doesn't give anyone the right to be ill-mannered. When people cry "prejudice" or claim to be offended by what is simply a lapse of courtesy, manners or political correctness it really confuses the issue of who really is the most prejudiced, or indeed, who is the most ill-mannered.

In any debate concerning prejudice it is the party with the mind most closed to possibilities that is the most prejudiced.

As far as sexuality goes, heterosexual, homosexuality or lesbianism remains a lifestyle of choice because of simple practicality.
Everyone stands somewhere on a scale of bisexuality. Those at the extreme ends of the scale might claim to be Gay or straight and have every reason to believe they are and for practical purposes they are what they claim.

I say practical purposes because it is impossible to meet every other person on Earth but the fact is until every other person on Earth has been met and rejected the possibility remains that somewhere there is a woman a Gay man will find irresistible, a man who turns a lesbian on or someone of the same sex who will turn the head of the most "heterosexual" of people.

The sexual chemistry and personal magnetism of individuals is unpredictable and works subliminally as it is part of our animal instincts left over from when we used to sniff each other's backsides to recognise friends and enemies.
Mother Nature is the guiding hand behind sexuality and attraction and it is a somewhat variable thing. While education and environment play a massive part in sexuality and just now things are blurred by self-deception and even such things as a large population and media comment and endorsement it would not be until the human race faces extinction we could have final proof of who is and is not homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual.

The fact remains a true homosexual could not perform the sex act with any one of the billions of women on this planet...
Until a time is reached when that is known as a fact it is logical to assume he is a bisexual who has chosen a lifestyle even though such a thing is likely to be unwelcome to him.
The only exceptions are the chromosonally different effeminate male and the too-masculine female.

Caroline apologised for her lack of political correctness in this case and so it is time to let the matter drop, I feel, before the truth of my words becomes too obvious.
|
Did you find this post helpful?