Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

How do I keep her friendship

Again, this is one of those "love with best friend" deals. It sucks. Flat out, it tears me apart every second of the day.

I've spent many, many nights wishing she could just accept me, and love me back. Oh the things I would do for her, the things I HAVE done for her. Nothing. She just doesn't accept me. At this point, I don't know if I should continue to hold out for her, or move on. She's been hurt, and she's put up a wall that no one has ever breached. Every other guy in her life has left after she didn't accept them, I feel, if I quit now, I'll be no different from those guys. One day I wish, she'll look back and realize that all this time, I've been there for her.

I hold out for this, but I really cannot go on. I'm losing this war, and I really am tired. I don't think I have anything left to go on anymore. She helped me through my depression, but now, I feel depressed about her.

She is perfection. For me, its not about the looks, or how good she would be in bed, or anything superficial. It's all about who she is. Everything she does is simply wonderful. I know her so well, she knows me so well. We are the closest of friends, and I genuinely believe that given the chance, she'd really be happy with me.

For the last 3 years, she has literally held my hand through the toughest times. And at the same time, I was there for her when no one else was. She's been hurt pretty badly, and I'm always someone she goes back to. Sometimes, I feel so damn close to her, it's almost like we are one person. I cannot give that up.

How do I keep the friendship? She likes this other guy, and I want to be happy for her, but I can't. I should be happy for her, and I'm not. Thats not what a friend does.

I don't know what to do anymore. I tried to stop talking to her, and my world lost everything meaningful. I had to go back.

Should I keep waiting? Will that day ever come? Or should I move on, if so, how? I need to keep the friend, but let the love go.

Someone please help me.
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replied March 18th, 2012
I'm in the same position as you. I can't bring myself to let go of what I feel even though she doesn't feel the same as me. I've been trying to distance myself from her in all ways but it isn't working. This woman has invaded every aspect of my life and she doesn't want to be in any kind of relationship with me. I agree that the worst part is knowing they want to be with someone else and seeing their joy in someone other than us. I've had to tell myself that letting go is the only way. It feels as if someone has died but she's still out there, happy, healthy, and seeking the comfort and excitement of someone else. I've tried telling myself the most horrible things about her to just make myself move on but it doesn't work. One minute she's the one that will only hurt me and the next the only one I can open myself up to. It's a mind battle that is only won by the heart. You must let go. It will hurt like hell and she will always have a place within you that is only for her but if you don't move on in some way it will destroy you from the inside out. I understand it is easier said than done. Please trust me on this. I'm walking the same road as you. Move on and let go or stay, wait, and hurt? That's the question I ask myself everytime I think of her. I've been on every site, read every blog,post,article, and looked within every corner of my soul. I'm sorry to say this but I've come to terms with this myself, the only person that has the answer you want is her. She has given you that answer already. I'm sorry but its time to move on. I have to tell myself that very thing about a hundred times a day, each time it hurts but its the only answer I have to go by. Get your mind as healthy as you can and happyness will fall into place, with her or without. I also suffer from depression and have realised that if I don't get better that life won't either. Good luck to you in all of this.
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replied March 18th, 2012
Things always go up and down. But I'm always the one she returns to when she's hurt, or down. It's always an ongoing conversation between us.

I know I have to get over her, but I honestly feel that I can't do that unless I cut off everything, and I can't do that either.
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