Single and Pregnant Forum - How do I get my ex to understand pregnancy hormones

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Q: How do I get my ex to understand pregnancy hormones

asked by: daniolive on September 9th, 2009

New User

How do I get my ex to understand that a lot of the arguments we had, had to do with the hormones I am still experiencing during my twin pregnancy? (We broke up at 20 weeks pregnant, I just turned 30 he's now 22) After the break up I was hurt and told his mom I didn't see how I was able to let them all in to see the kids. Yes harsh, but no totally illogical when I think about it. He blames what I said to his mom AFTER the break up that's why we couldn't get back together. I understand I hurt people's feelings, but in my defense I was so hormonal, hurt, angry and depressed for him deciding to leave me at that time. I just wish I had a chance to help make him understand what happens to a woman during pregnancy.
I was blaming myself for the break up for so long but realized just recently that I just don't handle pregnancy all too well mentally. It makes me depressed and act out. That's why I want a chance to explain...but then I feel I can tell him that until I am blue in the face, but it still might not do any good. I am hoping once he is around the babies and sees me as a good nurturing mother he may notice that the hormones of a twin pregnancy is what made me crazy. I have worked through a lot of emotions since the break up and forgive him for all the hurt he caused me.

I am hoping he gets it one day and realizes I never meant to hurt him or anyone else. My only hope is that the birth of our children will eventually bring us back together.

Replies(6)

Felicidad

replied on October 5th, 2009

New User

single pregnancy immature boyfriend

The guy is too young and immature to understand. I am 19 weeks pregnant, 29 years old and my boyfriend also left. He is 21 years old. At this age they are too young to deal with responsibilities. Find yourself a good man. Believe me you can do it. God only puts in our way what we can handle. Seek counseling, family and friend support, they will always be there. Think yourself 3 yera sfrom now? Do you still picture yourself with this immature kid?? My ex also blames it on his mom's reaction. These are mama's boys! Get yourself a real man!!!!

W0LF

replied on October 5th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

Under no circumstance should you ever search for a real man. It is a recipe for dissatisfaction and frustration that I was hesistate to wish on my worst enemy. All men are real, the ones that dissapoint you are much more real than the ones you dream of.

While you may have had little impulse control because of your hormonal load during pregnancy, it didn't make you lie. You are accountable for the things you said. You should appologise along with the explanation that you were really in a rough spot during your pregnancy.

However like Felicidad said, at 21 your guy is not a great candidate to be a dad. He doesn't likely have a lot of tools mentally or emotionally to take care of a family and he just hasn't lived enough to be settling down and starting a family. You're much better off finding a guy your age.

daniolive

replied on October 15th, 2009

New User

Felicidad~

Sorry to hear that you are in the same boat as I. I agree with the immaturity aspect of both of the guys involved. I pray in time he understands what I went through for him and the importance of family and sticking together. and yes, I do picture myself with him. I love him and want to give him his space and time to figure things out on his own.

And as far as the boys blaming things on us or others is due to the fact that I feel they cannot owe up to their own wrong doings. Good luck and pray for a happy healthy baby!

daniolive

replied on October 15th, 2009

New User

Wolf~

Well, I have apologized, the moment after it happened and me and his mom have moved on and have a great relationship.

I just had the twins and he was there for the births and has been involved ever since they arrived. We are working on a friendship and exchange the kids every other day. He does still live with his mom so he brings the babies over there and his family helps out.

It is quite annoying though, that I asked him to stop by before work so I can go get formula... he texts at 3 and says that he is running out of time, can it wait until tonight? I was like no! but I already got it taken care of at that point cause I know how reliable he is.

And you mentioned "He doesn't likely have a lot of tools
mentally or emotionally to take care of a family and he just hasn't lived enough to be settling down and starting a family." ... does this mean he will eventually get to the point of gaining the "tools" to understand what I went through and the importance of a family that sticks together through thick and thin?

W0LF

replied on October 15th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

When I talked about tools, I mean that life hasn't given him the experiences he needs to have a firm grasp on fatherhood. At 21 most men are still processing their teenage years and trying to understand their parents. Generally in the middle of their 20's things come together for most men. Responsibility, dependability, and common sense all seem to gel and come to a healthy perspective about children and marriage all at once.

I think time will absolutely make your guy a better father. Growing up is a hard force to resist. However, you're not going to be able to rush that.

daniolive

replied on October 20th, 2009

New User

thanks for your reply for it is logical and truthful.

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