My husband is PassiveAggressive with Narcissistic tendencies. I have read and incorporated the book by Scott Wetzler, Ph.D., and, frankly, it saved my marriage. My husband is 49 yrs old and we are still having problems with his mother's controlling tactics. I just need some advice on how to deal with HER. It is/has come to the point of either she adhere to the guidelines that must be in place for any contact with her son, or none. My g-daughter and I are the ones who have to deal with the repercussions of his "episodes" caused by this over-controlling mother. Q: Do I step in and tell her what these guidelines are/will be....as my husband still cannot do this. I would only do so if he is at a point where he trusts me to not betray his confidences that he has entrusted with me, emotionally. We just had an episode where she sent him an age INAPPROPRIATE birthday card with a chastizing statement inside, which triggered the "guilt" psychological associations...he handled it well and he and I were able to discuss it openly together, but we will be faced with seeing her on New Year's Day. He hasn't seen her in over a year, his choice. Thanks so much for any suggestions.
Your mother-in-law probably is the reason your husband is PassiveAggerssive, with narcissistic tendencies because she is. Give her a copy of Dr Wetzler book for Christmas and tell her you enjoyed reading it and hope she does as well. Yes you should tell her what the guidlines are or she will never know there are any, since you are not dealing with a rational person, you will have to protect your husband at all cost even if it is from his mother! The one is sick and child like, therefore, you have to be the mature adult and set boundaries, if she does't abide by them you will have to cut her off plain and simple. See her only when you have to if she insists on more time, insist she go get some professional help or suggest making an appointment for her and taking her to it. Her illness shouldn't continue to cause havoc in your family...she is sick and she won't get better unless she gets the help she needs.
Agreed...but cutting mommie off could bring more turmoil. What does the book say to do?
In a lot of these MIL cases, it's all disguised as trying to get their "baby" back from "that awful person"...namely - you. Keeping your hub upset could easily be such a tactic.