Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum - Horrible relationship with my mom = (

Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum > Horrible relationship with my mom = (

Q: Horrible relationship with my mom = (

asked by: Rosie H on May 21st, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

OMG last night was one of my worst. My own mom hurt me so bad. We got into a bickering match over money so Daniel and I picked Adam up and left. She called me and Daniel names as we walked away. Most times when we get like that I just leave. Why stay and fight? So as we are walking away she’s yelling the b and f word at me. Calling me a crack head and b mother. You can imagine. OF course by now im in tears cause my entire life I haven’t been able to understand why my mom wants to hurt me so much. So We get around the corner and I sit down. Im a wreck and Adam is becoming very agitated. Daniel and I start to talk to Adam and laugh until he realizes that everything is alright.

MY mom comes storming around the corner throws a book at the stroller and proceeds to call all of us names. Again we continue walking and she follows. I’m quiet and Daniel is just going at her. He’s the only one that ever stook up for me. Well she follows us for about a block and a half! At one point she says I’m going to walk across the street cause I cant walk with trash. I cant write all the things she said to me, I would get banned.

Daniel forgot his bike so he says wait here and I will be right back. So I sit down…that was a bad mistake. She full blown attacked. I almost hurt her. I was so scared…I peed myself. I lost control and almost killed her. I don’t know if I lost control cause fear or if I was so angry I didn’t care. But I started picking things up to beat her with. I finally found something big enough and ran towards her…that when I lost control of my bladder, if I wouldn’t have I would have harmed her really bad. All I could think about was the rage and blindness. She was so mean to me. So many awful things she said and has done to me, everything came up. I begged her to just leave me alone to walk away and leave. When Daniel saw me lunge at her he ran back. Eventually she left and we went home.

I was so humiliated. To have pissed myself? Im a grown woman. What hurts most is she laughed at me. She said ha go ahead and pee on yourself you b. Then she started to get to Adam and cry to him saying she would always love him and never leave him. Like she is a good person.

I felt so bad…I couldn’t protect him from her. I fell into her evilness and Adam had to hear it. I wish he didn’t. He was ok though. Such a strong boy. He was scared but once mom and dad were smiling he wasn’t scared. I really hate her. I can’t wait to go to CO. I want to be away from her, she is twisted and mean.

I have done nothing but take care of her and her kids my entire life. I manage all her finances and buy the kids all there things. I have done all I can. How can my mom be so mean to me? How can she want me to hurt this bad? The humiliation I felt was overwhelming. I have to get away. I do not want Adam to have a mommy like that.

Replies(13)

rascal13

replied on May 21st, 2009

New User

I can kind of relate to this. My mom is bipolar and when I was in high school she became addicted to prescription meds that she took for her knees. (she has had many knee surgeries) She went absolutely crazy. She has always had a temper and her flareups as my dad calls them, but during my sophomore year, she went nuts. She would stay up for days and days without any sleep or showering. She spent all the money her and my dad had in savings for her prescriptions (that she shouldn't have been able to refill but that's another post in itself) It was the worst time of my life. She took everything out on me. She blamed me for her being like that. She told me I was the reason her and my dad fought all the time. It still puzzles me as to why she never took it out on my little sister, although I am very glad she didn't.

It was absolutely awful. My dad finally had enough one day and kicked her out. She had overdrawn him $1200 dollars in their account and was yelling at him that he wasn't a good enough man for her because he couldn't afford the things she wanted, but of course he let her come back.

To this day, I still don't know how he had the strength to stay with her. She had ups and downs like this until 2006. (I graduated and left in 2005) I moved out when I was 17 and never looked back. I didn't go back home for 2 years after. I only saw her on family holidays or if her and my dad came to town because I missed him.

In the last couple of years she has gotten better. She no longer abuses her meds and she has recognized she has many problems. She has made the effort to apologize and to reconcile our relationship. She has supported me and my boyfriend emotionally through this whole pregnancy so far, and I am grateful for that.

Whew... sorry, I went off on my own little rant lol. I just know what its like to have an abusive mother, and I definately understand the need to get away from it. I am lucky that she is trying to make it right. I am sorry that your mother is still that way towards you. I'm glad you are getting away. (having read your last post asking me to read this one lol) Nothing good can come of staying around. You have done all you can, and your son doesn't need to see his mom being treated that way. I am very proud of you for getting away, as much as that's worth...

-Sidney

Rosie H

replied on May 21st, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

wow we are a lot alike. I really like you. Is this ur 1st baby? What are you having? My boy is 8 months. Hes our 1st.

Man sorry you went through that. I left my moms home at 16 cause I couldnt handle her anymore. But no matter where I go shes always there. I have detached as much as I can. The move will help. Im glad that your mom has come aroun Its scary though…trusting them again after they hurt you so much huh? I always foirgive her only for her to hurt me again. Its toxic and I don’t want it around my boy. I am a lot like her to and I struggle every day to remove myself from the negativity and be a good person. I think it will be much easier once Im away from everything that brings me down

rascal13

replied on May 21st, 2009

New User

I think we are a lot alike too. This is my first pregnancy. I'm only about 13 weeks so still a while before i know what I'm having. (I'm crossing my fingers for a boy) I must admit, at first I wasn't too excited. I've always had a fear of turning into my mom. I'm afraid one day I'll just snap on my boyfriend (one day husband hopefully) and child. I just never want my kids having the same feelings and hate toward me that I had for my mom. I'm starting to realize now that it never has to be that way. I can love my son or daughter with everything I have. I am not her.

I was also in a long time abusive relationship with my ex. All of this has caused me to become very distrusting of most people. I am with a wonderful guy now who loves me and would do anything for me. However, I still shut him out a lot. I also have to work so hard everyday just to make sure he knows I love him. I can be very cold and I shut everyone out at times.

Haha, I feel like such a loser sitting here typing my life away. Work is just so boring today. Its nice to talk to someone who has actually experienced some of the same things. I admire the level of devotion you have for your family. I'm sure it will get easier once you don't have those stresses around you anymore. I know the memories and bad experiences never go away, but sometimes its enough just to be able to get away from it and start a new life... one filled with love and a positive future.

Rosie H

replied on May 22nd, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

yeah I wish I wasnt like my mother so much. My husband hates that part of me. We got into to it so bad today. I doubt he will be home tonight. I wish I could be someone differnt. I wish I was Rosie not Ladelles Daughter. I don’t even know who I am. This makes me want to just go to CO now. But you have to do things the right way I guess.

Sorry no more pity party. I too am happy to have found someone who understands. I hope there is hope for me that’s for sure.

kdlee

replied on May 22nd, 2009

Supporter

Wow bad memories for sure

I read your post and rememembered when my mom would go into her rages..She would tell us we were no good except to have babies and take her hands and swipe everything off chest of drawers and scream at us to pick it up..She would break our things and then yell at us..We were told how stupid and ignorant we were..

Honey all I can say is keep your head up..Protect your immediate family from her and it's probably best to keep away for a long time..There is something wrong with your mom..My own mom I learned was treated the same way she was treating us and just didn't know anything else nor did she try to learn a different way..

My husband was in the military and we would come back off and on and I was always ready to leave within an hour or so..

I think from her the worst pain I got though was when she told me she knew her brother was abusing me..That was the worst pain ever..As a child I would hide in her closet behind clothing to get away from him thinking safety..Now I realize the closet was an illusion of safety..Thankfully I built up enough anger at him to turn him in..For a long time I felt quilt like I lead him on but in time learned no--a child is not to fault..A child mimics what is learned until the child learns there are better ways..I learned by watching others and saw our way of life was not normal..Thankfully God gave me the forseight to see and understand..

I personally think there is a choice everyone makes we can behave as our parents or learn from their horrible mistakes and do better by our children..

Thankfully when my mom became terminal she began to change for the better and I was able to forgive her..I wish we could have been friends..I would love to have been able to go shopping, go to the Tea Room for lunch etc..It never happended with her and no chance for it to ever happen now..

I have a son and grandson and would love to have had a daughter but health didn't allow that to happen..I had to have a hysterectomy at a young age..

I am here if you need to talk..KdLee

Rosie H

replied on May 22nd, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

It is definitely a choice. And its what feels normal to me. Sick huh. Yelling and screaming is normal. The 1st time Daniel lashed out in anger I wasn’t even surprised. That’s why we need a new start. My mom lives a couple blocks from me. So her influence is always right there. I really want my son to have a good mommy.

Sorry about not being able to have a daughter, I may need to have surgery to fix my prolapse. I could have more kids after but it would just give me more problems. So im facing not having a daughter too. Maybe no more kids at all. Thank you for your reply.

kdlee

replied on May 22nd, 2009

Supporter

Hi hon

I understand..I hope you can get moved soon..The life you have right now is normal because it is all you know but you have a wonderful son whom you want to grow up respecting women..When my son was small he acted out like my mom on several occasions and i had to straighten him out quick..Thankfully he is a loving dad of his own right now..

My hysterectomy was due to severe prolapse as well..In the end though the pain will be gone and the periods and hopefully your life will pull together..

I do wish I could have had my own daughter but I talk to so many wonderful young women that I feel as though I have many daughters on line..That is rewarding in itself..

I am here if you ever need to talk..

Rosie H

replied on May 22nd, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

wow really? Thats crazy. I had bladder prolapse before I was even pregnant. Now its so much worse. SOmetimes it feels like everything is gonna fall to the floor...

My uterus is still ok...thats why I can have more children. Well maybe one more. We will see what happens to me after that. I was a perfect candidate for surgery though at 19

kdlee

replied on May 22nd, 2009

Supporter

Prolapse

Mine was uterine prolapse..Began falling when my son was 2 years old..I had to have the hysterectomy when I was 25 my son was 3 years old..I still have the ovaries which made it easier on me and didn't go right into menopause-thankfully..

But now the bladder issue I get taken care of this coming Friday..I go in and have a Gynecare TVT put in to help with leakage, it is a mesh appliance that is placed under the pubic area and at the creases of the inner thigh to help hold urethra up..I can sneeze, laugh or cough and leak..Have to wear pads all the time and change them out alot..They will be checking for blood issues as well..I have had blood i my urine for a long time but recently becoming more so..My PCP told me not to worry about it since it has gone on for a while but just as soon have it checked out..

Rosie H

replied on May 22nd, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

wow please let me know how the mesh works for you, that would be what my doctor would pick. Im just so young he doesnt want to and I want more kids. So it would we pointless to do anything for me right now.

Yeah the bladder issue is rough...part of mine is visibal not cool at all....

kdlee

replied on May 22nd, 2009

Supporter

Will keep you updated..

That is the way the uterus was b4 I had the hystserectomy..When I tub bathed I had to hold my hand at the vagina so as to keep the uterus in place and keep out water..But the bathing was the only thing that hleped lower back some..Before surgery was finally done I walked stooped over it hurt so much..

kdlee

replied on May 31st, 2009

Supporter

Hi Rosie..Well I had the bladder surgery on friday..My lower abdomen is sooo sore and I htink I will need to take to morrow off from work..Walking makes me ache so I am doing little of this..I am now either getting a cold or sinus infec tion on top of recovery..At first right after surgery every time I stood there was a rush of blood and water--scarey but it finally quit after about 7 times happening..I kept a towel between my legs and another under my backside..Today is better but like I said still sore..Hopefully this does the trick..Will keep you posted..

Rosie H

replied on June 7th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

my gosh i hope you are doing better now....
sorry i havent seen the reply

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