Dont think it matters but get the blood test for you peace of mind...take whatever tests you feel you need to get the peace of mind you are looking for. Good Luck.

I figured that it doesn't really matter, but I think I will get the blood test to be thorough as possible. Thank you so much.

There is a time those rapid tests were not reliable but now I hear they good enough. I am old fashioned and would recommend a blood test. As Homerx says, do what you have to do to have peace of mind. I admire your courage. Keep it up.

Thank you, Muthoni. I try to be courageous..It's hard, but I don't want to take the easy way out. I think about the possibility of me being HIV and its really scary to me. But I still have to go on.

Yes, according to a brochure that the lady at the clinic gave me, the test is highly accurate, but testing a blood specimen is more accurate. I really just want to go to a doctor to see if there could be anything else wrong with me!

The possibility of having HIV is scary and so is the process of getting tested. It does take true courage and then after the test results, you live accordingly. Look at Homerx for example. He is on his 8th year with the virus. In July, I will be on my 15th year. And those are only the years we know of. I might have had HIV for more years then I know. So no matter what happens Miss Anonymous, you are not alone.

It is mostly a mental battle than a physical one. Once you get over the blame, the guilt, the ANGER and the regret, then you are ready to continue living. Some people are in this stage of turmoil all their lives with HIV, and for people like Homerx, it took less time. I did not fully accept my HIV status until 2002 after 4 or 5 positive tests over time. Nine years after I was told I had it. If you can sort things out fast enough, the better it will be for your overall health.

Mbae the way the majority of the people walking out there also have dealings with blame, guilt anger and regret and they carry it to the grave. That is one thing HIV has done for me, it has helped me look into my past and face the demons. This sent me to the mental hospital six times but I am OK now. I have to forgive myself, accept myself and TRUST myself.

I am standing with you on this one. Please let us know what is happening to you as you wait for the three months. Keep in touch and keep smiling. It is not the end of the world.

Muthoni, you are so right. It is a manageable disease. As long as you take care of you. No one can do it for you.

GRR!! So I wrote a big long response and when I hit "post", it said I needed to log in..and everything I wrote was gone! >

Anyway, I want to say to Muthoni and Homerx, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou! I am SO glad I found this forum. I have absolutely no friends or family to talk to about this...I can't even talk to my boyfriend about it (he's so certain that I've negative, especially since I took the three month test. He says I should stop worrying about it - of course im not going to listen to him! We don't even talk about it. )

And I just want to say - even if I find out I'm HIV-, I will STILL come to this forum to and talk to both of you!! I love you both so much! You are both inspiring, beautiful people - I can't and won't forget you!!
If - IF, not WHEN! - I find out I am HIV I know I will be crushed. I know it will hurt, I know I'll be in state of disbelief, much like you were, Muthoni. But I will have to get myself out of that, and continue to keep loving myself and loving life. As long as I take care of myself, there will be nothing from holding me back. Nothing holding me back from experiencing life to the fullest.

I am going to start trying to get healthy and lose weight. Last night, about 8:40 pm I went out for a little walk and a jog. I ended up staying out for about 45 minutes. It felt so good!! I think I am going to start taking vitamins.

Well, things are hard right now, but I am able to get on with my daily life. I am going out this weekend for some live music ...Haven't done that in a while!! I am going alone (I think-may give a friend a call to see if she can come) but hopefully I will run into some friends. That's usually how it happens; nothing is really planned with my small circle of friends. Whatever happens I will definitely dance like crazy!!

And on the first of april, this guy, a friend of a friend, is coming to where I am from another state! He is going to be living with my friend, her boyfriend and their cat! I'm excited to meet him - its always nice to meet new people!!

I'm really tired right now, but I'm pretty sure it's because last night, I got home at 7:30 pm and ending up staying up til 4am....not because I was upset or sad or anything, but because I had drank 3 red bulls! Trying to get some studying done.. 8| I could use a nap but I don't feel that bad. I love staying up late, but, everything in moderation.

Here I go again, rambling. Sorry!

Thank you both so much!!!!!!!!

Xoxo,
MissAnonymous

Feeling kind of depressed right now. I want to believe so bad that I'm HIV-, but I'm really afraid that I am...I mean the symptoms started 2 or 3 weeks after the encounter. First the cough, then those weird lumps, then the slight fatigue, then the white stuff on my tongue...My lips are always chapped now, btw. I could chalk up the white stuff to terrible oral hygiene, the fatigue to eating really badly and not exercising...The lumps, I have no freaking clue.

But the symptoms happened right after the encounter...I don't know if they're coincidental... I'm having a hard time thinking of any cause of it besides HIV...
I can't think of any other stds that could cause these kind of symptoms..or any other illness...

missanonymous, Dont get your self all worked up, sweet heart..take a deep breath or two and close your eyes and relax for a few minutes. I understand your panic but it isn't necessary. Of course I was in the same state as you at one time so I do understand. But being all worried wont help matters. I know it is hard not to but try to chill...who are you gonna C in concert? Hay, girl...its OK! You are only human, just like me and Muthoni and a billion other people. We have each other. There is a forum on here called To HomerX under the HIVandAIDS forums that me and Muthoni and a lady named Bobbie write in to each other about just everything...join us on that thread,OK/ You can write all you want and no one judges you and its a great way to get close and be connected to us...We love you! Everything will be fine and when you find out your final HIV results you can still write and be our friend. Bobbie isnt HIV but she joins us...its all about love. And if you are over weight and unhappy with your body then we can all talk about your struggles and maybe help with that 2....you have new friends here that will love you unconditionally!!!

and by the way, I think we have all typed long letters and lost them to the computer ghosts!!!

Thank you so much!! I feel a little better after reading this.. I am going to post in the forum you mentioned.

cool..............