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hitting myself when angry (Page 1)

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ive written about this before.. (previous title is 'hitting myself')

this time it gets worse and worse.. yesterday i felt so angry at my boyfriend so i hit myself.. i smacked and punched my legs till i have bruises.. and i cried like mad.. its not because of the fight, but usually i cry because i hate myself for doing this.. now my legs are covered with bruises.. after the fights, instead of making things better, i blame and start punching myself..

when i hit myself, it feels better.. just for a while.. and i'll feel all horrible and depressed.. i hide behind my smiles, nobody knows i am struggling with this.. people see me as this happy girl.. i am, but when the point gets low, i'll become a total monster.. im not myself..im so tired of injuring myself.. im so tired of hiding..

i feel like i have nobody to talk to about this.. nobody will understand.. i love my boyfriend deeply, but i dont dare to tell him about this.. to him, if i injure myself, it means i am injuring him as well.. and by injuring him, it means that i dont love him. this is not true.. i hit myself because of me..not because i want to hit him or something..

i channel my anger by hitting and punching myself.. whenever i look at myself, my legs, the place where the bruises are visible, i get so darn sad.. i am so sad and scared at the same time that i am capable of doing this. i guess i really hate myself..

i dont know who else to turn to.. i dont.. i want to go to a psychologist or something but that would mean i have to tell my parents and my boyfriend that i have a problem and i cannot bear that. i dont want them to know, i dont want anybody to know.. sometimes i picture myself with a razor blade.. how it would be easy to end everything.. i feel such a failure.. i really do.. but i dont have the guts of doing it.. i dont want to die, actually. i just want this pain to go away. im so afraid of myself.. i rly do..
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First Helper shoeholic
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replied June 16th, 2008
Experienced User
i know how you feel..when im angry a sometimes hit myself and for a while it makes you feel better until you think what your doing and it upsets you..I think you should chanel your anger to hitting a pillow or anything other than yourself..Maybe you should go to your docs and they will refer you to a phycoligist in confidential and you can tell ur bf and family when your ready.

What Makes you angry?

Pm Me Anytime Smile
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Users who thank spongebob23 for this post: Kermitthefrog99 

replied May 20th, 2012
My uncle abused me severly for almost 3 years... he would hit me constantly for hours every other day for that long. In the past I had only hit myself twice, but now that I am in an abusive relationship I have hit myself... I smack the top of my head, punch my arm and recently pulled my hair. I only do it with him. I only do it infront of him. I think I am a codependant and I am gong to CoDA. I am very close to divorce but the fear of being alone is too much to bear, plus I miss him. I will never do this again. I have a strog will and I will not hit myself again. Yesterday will be my last time, because when I saw the chunck of hair that came off, I knew that I am not getting what I want from this. I want peace and tranqulity. I know that I am don this because this reminds me of the time when I was with my uncle and the way that my husband abuses me, I see him as my uncle now. I have gone to therapy for ovr 3 years. I have not been diagnosed with any type of menta illness... first they thought I had bipolar then Borderline Personality, but I do not fit the criterias for either. So they just say that is it due to my horrific torture I went thru with my uncle. I promise myself to not repeat what my husband has told me o myself, old hag, fat, saggy boobs... I will repeat good affirmations and realize that he has the problem and I promise Iwill never hit myself. I am a very kind and compassionate person... I will start to do that to myself again. I am also going to focus on helping others and pray that I do not bite into my husbands rage and pray that he gets back into his bipolar medication and that he stops using drugs. He is the one who should be hitting himself Very Happy
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replied May 22nd, 2012
I am glad you got help for this. I know what you are talking about unfortunately. I was once in a situation where I was beaten by my mother because I didn't want to give my dog up, and she wanted to get rid of him. I will never forget the beating I went through at the time. I also had people say cold and meant things to me, which I think was emotional and mental abuse. But now, I am with an alcoholic boyfriend and whenever things gets so bad, I hit myself. I hit myself because I feel so much pain inside, I couldn't breath. I wanted to feel the pain outside so it doesn't have to always stay with me internally. I am aware that this isn't healthy. I am also aware that the only way for me not to continue hurting myself if I got out of this situation and I am doing that now. I am also a co-dependent. And I recognized that now, and I am doing everything I could to choose healthy decisions so i don't have to live with this anymore. CoDA is a good group. I wish that they had more around. I am looking for one as well.
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replied July 30th, 2012
self injury
I think that Brain intergration and Holographic Memory Resolution will help Tremendously!!
It helped me alot. Please Google these two therapies, and don't be turned off by what they might say.
Also Brain Intergration is not just for learning disabilities... I had none when I was in my 20's in college, but I couldn't process info in a normal/healthy way due to years of stress and major abuse.
PLEASE get help.
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replied June 8th, 2012
Hitting a pillow doesnt work for me. I Feel better when i hit myself i have scratches And bruises to prove that i do but My mom And friends dont know.
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replied October 13th, 2008
I hit myself too when I get angry. Yesterday I hit myself in the stomach and hips and now I have bruises on my hip bones and on my stomach. It really hurts when I put pants on because they run on my bruised hip bones.
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replied March 22nd, 2009
today i was so angry at myself i decided it would be better to hit my head with a broken board. after that i started hitting my hand with it so my wrist bruised. then i got a cig and after i was done i burnt my wrist with it. i wanna know wats going on with me.
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replied May 11th, 2009
nouranioum2000
yesterday i was so angery ,i started to cry first then i stopped crying and begain to hit myself my leg then my face i felt better for a while but i am sad because i am doing this to myself every time i have no one to talk with most of times i feel a lone although i have a family but i lost my dad a couple of months ago thats why i am doing this i was depressed i didnot see him for i year then i knew that i died i loved him so much i wished i was there any way i donot know if it will be worest with me
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replied May 11th, 2009
hi shoeholic
Angry is a devastating emotional and mind set as well, as I observed. I am bible believing Christian and I find there a lot of wisdom to guide what to do.
As a person God gave this body to me and actually that body+spirit and soul belongs to God...so anyone don't have right to put it in jeopardy or use it for devastation of any kind. We will be accountable to God. (if we don't know Him yet or not personally encountered yet due to our unbelief in Him)...He is the God who created us. Jesus Christ (the third person in the Trinity)when died on the cross paid all the badness in us or what we call sin...so that whoever will believe in what He did in the cross of Calvary can find rest for his soul or eternal life. John 3: 16 "For God so loved the world (so love you) that He gave His only begotten son Jesus (to die in behalf of you)so that whoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have an everlasting life". I did. So u can too.
Your problem can be eradicated gradually by asking help directly to Jesus...or asking prayer help from any bible believing Christians. if u believe this u can contact me.
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replied February 8th, 2012
Are you actually serious????
Wow... people are asking for help and all you can do is preach???? I too was raised in the Christian belief. I do see value in the bible and it's teachings. HOWEVER; when people have problems such as this they don't need someone rattling off a bunch of versus and telling them they have no right to hurt themselves because God gave them that body. They're suffering from a form of mental illness. They need HELP. Mental illness and disorders happen because the chemicals in the brain aren't reacting right for one reason or another. Usually behavior caused by chemical imbalances can't really be controlled. Its not like a person suffering from something like that will just be "Oh yeah, God gave me my body so I shouldn't harm it." No, they're actions are out of control and they need actual HELP, not a sermon! These sorts of things are jobs for Doctors and possibly medications. Yes, seeking professional help AND praying is a good idea, but telling someone if they just keep praying that will fix everything? You seriously need to butt out of matters like this because your bad/overly preachy advise could cause someone to get badly hurt and not seek the right treatment for their problem.
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replied September 1st, 2012
Thanks for that - I've been told different things at church as well (such as God doesn't give us more than we can handle) and some have been like the comment you replied to because they have no understanding what it's like to have a mental illness. I'm past caring what happens to me and have tried taking my own life and starting punching my head so hard I'm giving myself migraines and concussion (blamed it on hitting it accidently on the car boot). Also part of the problem, ironically, is a couple of people who claim to be Christians because they go to church every week but are absolutely nasty people who treat me like s***.
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replied June 13th, 2013
Ime82, there is HELP in the Gospel and knowing that we aren't just random evolved being, but purposely made people, and Jesus even PREACHED peace to the hurting, why can't we?

I came here seeking help and was glad to see Lanie's post, but then you are the one that preaches to Lanie, by man's words and not God's, so kind of contradictory. What is it with people hating to hear about the ultimate One that has authority on this creation, but it is ok to hear advice by fallible men whose advice we can take it or leave it? I do believe that in these abusive cases where we have thought little of ourselves we need to remember Jesus thought SO MUCH OF US HE DIED FOR US. That is the only Prince of Peace.

"For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. And he came and PREACHED peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father." Paul, Letter to the Ephesians, 2:14-18

He preached peace, so should we....the Gospel is for ALL the world, all the nations, all the hurting people.
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replied June 6th, 2014
Please, if you are hurting and reading through these judgemental Christian posts, don't pay attention to them. These false Christians have brainwashed themselves into believing that everything is "the person's responsibility. I guess so they can make it through their own day, they squash their feelings. In squashing their own feels with the GOSPEL, they have lost the love that was intended in the first place. They have never had the abuse a the level someone experiences that would be confessing "their own sins". I too hit myself and there is no one to confess to. It's a shame that even in just confessing it here, some Bible Thumping, non loving Christians pass Judgement. Please just skip all the CHRISTIAN GARBAGE (THE WAY THE POSTS ARE WRITTEN ANYWAY). Confess your sin with no judgement!!!
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replied June 6th, 2014
Your preaching is strictly JUDGEMENT. You've got your self so much into the "call those things that be not as though they are" that you have crossed to the sin of judgement. You weild God's word in a way that you have lost the Christian sensitivity. Pain exits. I bet God placed you in a home where you weren't preyed on so you judge instead of understand the experience. I hate Christians who aren't Christian who merely use the Bible as a way to judge others!!
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replied June 13th, 2013
Ime82, there is HELP in the Gospel and knowing that we aren't just random evolved being, but purposely made people, and Jesus even PREACHED peace to the hurting, why can't we?

I came here seeking help and was glad to see Lanie's post, but then you are the one that preaches to Lanie, by man's words and not God's, so kind of contradictory. What is it with people hating to hear about the ultimate One that has authority on this creation, but it is ok to hear advice by fallible men whose advice we can take it or leave it? I do believe that in these abusive cases where we have thought little of ourselves we need to remember Jesus thought SO MUCH OF US HE DIED FOR US. That is the only Prince of Peace.

"For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. And he came and PREACHED peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father." Paul, Letter to the Ephesians, 2:14-18

He preached peace, so should we....the Gospel is for ALL the world, all the nations, all the hurting people.
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replied November 18th, 2013
yeah but medication is a joke mostly. And referring to someone as mentally ill is an insult. I hit myself in a period after being raped. And now through strengthening my relationship with my family and talking through and confronting what happen to me I no longer hit myself. Hitting ones self is usually a reaction to severe trauma in my opinion. Everyone's quick to medicate everything. I thank G-d I refused medication and came through on my own two feet with a clear head. Medication can destroy personalities and lots of side effects are unknown. You're saying people have no control and that's utter lies. Almost all people do actually have control of themselves and can come through trauma and the side effects of trauma without medication.
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replied June 6th, 2014
Ime82:
Thank you for your post. I was reading through the first "notes" for different folks and really felt their pain. I then read the BIBLE THUMPER LANIE4936. I read her post and my heart completely "STOPPED". I had compassion in my head but when I read her JUDGEMENT and corresponding BIBLE THUMPING, I was actually ashamed to call myself a Christian. Thank you for your post as others coming here will read it the way I did. I read your post and it set the post from LANIE back to the correct posture, don't pay any attention to LANIE!!
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replied June 6th, 2014
Well you seem to not follow the Christian path. You state here that you "observe" pain.? Then you preach? That isn't Christian and I think you need to go back and read the bible from a non "I've got it down" standpoint. You don't have it down. If you would have, you wouldn't go into this preaching crap. Some people have felt alone their whole lives. Some people have been "preyed upon" their whole lives. You have no sympathy. IS that because you cover up your own pain with bible thumping so that you deaden your own feelings. I'm ashamed of Christian like you.
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replied June 9th, 2009
the god approach
I suppose brain washing via bible at the closest church could be one answer....probably not the RIGHT answer though.
Unless being made to feel even MORE guilt will improve your situation, a church is probably the wrong way to go.
Try science. See a qualified Psych.
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Users who thank chaeliannie for this post: Kermitthefrog99 

replied June 13th, 2013
How is knowing what God has done for us brain washing? Yet then you will use man's ways, who didn't even create us? Hmmm...
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replied June 6th, 2014
The Bible tells you to "call those things that be not as though they are". That is without a doubt Brainwashing. I read the first couple posts and really felt the pain of these people who are trying to Confess their sins but have no other outlet then this forum. You didn't feel the pain of these people, instead, your own brainwashing has you say "that isn't true". It is true. Be a Christian and have some compassion. Your preaching is simply a form of judgment. You sin! How dare you turn people AWAY from God (if you truly are a Christian anyway?)
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replied September 17th, 2009
why do i hit myself?
Im 35, & have been through some pretty messed up things. At this point in my life, I have a good husband, my relationships are good with my kids...everything would appear to be great. Except that when i get really angry I pull my hair & hit myself...my hubby thinks i`m nuts...how can I cope with all this pent up anger? without hurting my self or breaking things? My marriage as well as my sanity are a stake..can sum 1 help me?
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replied December 10th, 2009
Helf for hitting your self
When we truly love oursleves, we dont abuse our self. That is abuse. When I get really angry I go take a walk, sometimes I get a pillow and scream as hard as i can in it. But I never abuse my self. Throwing tantrums are for children. But I do understand alot of people do this. Take an anger management course and find diffrent ways to cope with your anger. Then practice them. You, all of you with this problem are special individuals and was wonderfully made by god, now why would we abuse what god has desinged. Please take anger management course. If you are intrested in taking the course Please write me and I will give you dates and times for this course and other personal development courses we offer.
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replied June 6th, 2014
Wow, lucky you! It seems that you didn't have people preying on you the way some of these people did? God put some of these people in homes where the Parents were going to ONLY splinter their personalities. You are so lucky to not be one of them HOWEVER you sin in your belief that because you didn't go through something, a sermon will heal another's issue. Why did you seek out this forum in the first place? Was it to tell all of us poor people that God loves us? You sin in your own judgement of a situation you know nothing about.
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replied December 11th, 2009
HMM... strangely I never saw this as self harm before... talk about stupid me!! I did this too when I am mad. I just hit myself but I guess I never realized it was self harm because it wasnt' ever noticeable to anyone like cutting. I just posted about my most recent self harm thing, which is the first time I actually questioned wether it was actually self harm. Now I guess I know it must be, becasue I just realized I already do. Shocking.... I'm actaully shocked... HMM.... I think its pretty clear I need to find a better way to let out my anger...
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replied December 13th, 2009
re hitting your self
Yes, lettin it out. You are to special and beautiful to harm your self.
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replied December 17th, 2009
need help bad
I have this problem aswell with hitting myself, I usually slap my face, punch my face and I end up with bruises, it has been that bad I have dislocated my jaw and I now need to wear a mouth guard. I thought I had stopped because I have not needed to do it for a while, but I have just realised why (because I have been pregnant the last couple of months) I really need help. I have just had a baby and she is now 6 months old and I am doing it again. I am happily married, my husband and I have been through alot since she was born, with job losses and health scares. I do not want to harm my baby.

need help
wendy
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replied July 22nd, 2011
Hormonal anger & depression
It sounds like this is down to your hormones - PMS and/or possibly progesterone intolerance which gives you PMS symptoms throughout the month - this is why you didn't have it when you were pregnant. You need to speak to your doctor about your hormone balance. This kind of anger & depression is to do with the PHYSICAL changes in the body, not PSYCHOLOGICAL in the mind - but usually doctors just give us women antidepressants, which isn't actually getting to the root cause. A huge percentage of women diagnosed with Bipolar disorder actually just have severe PMS!
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replied January 4th, 2010
I always thought I was alone with this problem and had never thought that I was a self-harmer - turns out I was wrong. When I'm mad, I blame myself for everything and feel that I deserve to be hit. I just snap and start hitting my head, my legs, my arms, I slap my face, I scratch myself - anything. It feels better for awhile, but once i've calmed down I feel stupid and upset. I feel like a little kid whose taken a temper tantrum. I would never hurt anybody else, and I hate doing it but I can't help it. I've tried hitting a pillow or something but that doesn't work. I just black out. Today I hit myself on the head with the edge of a mobile phone, and now I have a lump and feel abit dizzy. I'm such an idiot I wish I wasn't like this but I'm too embarrassed to tell anybody even the doctor Sad
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replied February 2nd, 2010
i hit myself and now my fiance wants to leave me! help!
I too hit myself when i become angry, Usually when i am fighting with my fiance. I punch my legs and I bang the sides of my fists against a door way.

My fiance suffers from anxiety and watching me do this has not helped him at all. We are 4 weeks from the wedding and he is not sure if he wants to be with a self harmer or if he wants the mother of his child to be a self harmer. I never thought of myself as a 'self harmer'. It is obvious that i need to learn other ways to help with my anger issues but now i might loose the love of my life too. I am not a crazy person. what can i do? I have apologised but he still is hurt and unsure!
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replied February 14th, 2010
I am 16 years and I hit myself too, everytime I get mad, I start punching my head, legs, arms, jaw, face, stomping my foot really hard until I can't stand on it, now my fists are hurt really bad, and it's been like this for months, the pain won't go away, now everytime I hit any part of my body, my fists will hurt really bad but I keep on doing it...
I started with this problem about 1 year ago, and it's been getting worse and worse...
Sometimes i will smash my head on the wall, punch the wall really hard, hit myself with objects, and the problem started by hitting the walls... Now it's worse than before.

I really don't know what to do, and I get mad for stupid reasons.
I have a nice family, I'm a good looking guy, I have alot of friends, but I just feel I have a very a low self-esteem, even though people won't even notice it.

Could someone help me with this problem?
What should I do?
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replied February 22nd, 2010
I have always had anger problems. I used to bite myself when I was young, and it gradually progressed to scratching myself hitting myself punching walls and 3 years ago I had started cutting. I never ever thought I would take a razor to my wrist, but I felt I needed to at that time. I needed to let this rageful feeling out somehow. My anger was so intense and my first instinct has always been to take it out on myself, because somewhere in my subconscious I figured I was the only one who deserved it. I would never consider ever hurting anyone else, I just needed to release the rage and I guess I was the closest thing to release it on. My confidence was extremely low and I thought of myself as a monster. I still have alot of anger issues; even when I get irritated sometimes it builds up into a tornado of fury. Two years ago I entered a rehab in Texas for self injurers, and I've been seeing a therapist ever since. Please trust me when I say telling someone and talking about it is the best thing you can do. Don't give up or think theres something wrong with you. Anger is a normal emotion everyone gets angry, some people just deal with it differently. Talking about it with someone who can help will make the biggest difference. It took me 2 years to control my anger, or cope with it in a healthier way. I still definitely get those intense feelings of anger, but I know now that I don't have to hurt myself over it. It's not an easy thing learning self control, especially with an emotion as intense as anger, but it can be done. It's absolutely a process, but in the process you'll grow leaps and bounds as a person. I have no idea the details of anyones situation, but for me, there was no way I could have handled this problem alone. Don't hesitate to get help. The people who love you won't judge you, they'll support you. And most importantly try to remember that this does not make you a bad person in any way. I struggled with always thinking, because I was so violent towards myself, that I might inflict violence on someone else. But I never did, because I wasn't a violent person, just an emotional one:) I've also been keeping a journal. Believe it or not, writing is an amazing coping stradegy. And when I say writing, I mean grabbing a pen and just going to town. Most of my journal entries are either illegible or carved into the pages. It doesn't matter if all you write is a string of curse words, or how much you hate your mother, transferring the anger onto paper is healthier than transferring it onto youself.
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replied April 15th, 2010
Hurting self when angry.
Whenever I get angry or sad I either bite, punch, scratch, or cut myself. I feel terrible after doing it, but it makes me feel better for a while. I tried stopping by counting to 10 when I get angry. I know it''s childish but it sortof works until I endup breaking something or griping something very hard and sharp. It''s still hurting myself and I''m begining to stop that to. Trying anyway. I even tried listening to music and it helps alot.
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replied April 18th, 2010
shoeholic, i cannot sympathize with you more. i am in the same situation with my girlfriend. the same exact way. except i tend to punch myself in the head because my hair hides any/all bumps and bruises from the hitting. i know its wrong, i know i need to find a harmless way of channeling my anger but im sure you know its just too much to bear and you cannot help yourself.
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User Profile
replied April 18th, 2010
Supporter
ArielC and 1after909-welcome to the forum..

Please know you can stop what you are doing..Self injury is self injury..Hitting your head is nuts..The brain is so fragile-would you really want to end up as a vegetable?
You want to hit something? Go to boxing, karate, cut wood, grass, till a garden by hand, pull up roots of old vines..Do soemthing physical..
TALK-find a therapist..Don't say there isn't any around or no insurance..If you want help bad enough you will faind a way..Go on line and look up mental helath..Now look for mental health clinics that are free..Call your local hospital ER and tell them you need help..Call the police..Talk with your family..
Play BONGOS-yes-it's a great sound and get enough people together weekly..
Honestly--YOU need to ask yourself do you really want to stop? k
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replied April 19th, 2010
Hitting myself
Hi there I too have the same issue where I not only get angry I get soo sad and depressed too! I feel like I can''t cause anyone else any pain, and that I somehow deserve it! I''m soo emotional and Im afraid that my boyfriend thinks I''m nuts! So afraid that he''ll leave me that I''ve claimed I''ve stopped! When anything goes wrong I feel like I shud be punished! Maybe I do need to see a proffessional! But afraid Sad sometimes I feel like lifes not worth living and I shud,because i have happy life and am fortunate but I never see it that way!
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replied November 23rd, 2011
emotional distress
I honestly know how all you feel when ever my mom pushed me to that point or my mom yells at me for everything that I have nithung to do with even when I'm highly under stress I punch myself in the head or strach my head till I'm numb
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replied June 27th, 2013
my mother fights with me for no logical reason, and whenever I talk she either interrupts me or tells me she is busy she always has time for her boyfriend not her daughter, she once said i am not you entertainment system!! i dont care how old i am (i am 23), i still want to spend time with my mother and be able to have a normal relationship,
so now every time i would talk and she wont let me finish or she walks away i just go to my room and start slapping my face< then i would feel depressed about it! Sad
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replied October 7th, 2013
Did you get the message I sent you, cause I'm not sure it disappeared or not. Let me know.
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replied October 7th, 2013
I wrote a long message. But, it seems to have not been sent through...
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