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Q: hitting myself
asked by: shoeholic on April 21st, 2008
New User
hi there,
im 20 and i have a raging temper. whenever i get angry at someone, my heart races and i feel like i couldnt breathe. not only that, i hit myself.

i deliberately hit myself over and over because it makes me feel good. i repeatedly hit my head then my thighs, my hands, my face, anywhere i feel like until it becomes all red. sometimes it got so bad, my head will have bumps as i hit really hard.

when i hit myself, i dont feel the pain. its like my hands get out of control and i feel like hitting something. the only problem is that, the thing im hitting is myself. i do this all the time when im angry at someone.

if we get into a fight, i will always feel like it's my fault. eventhough i know its not my fault. i will always blame and harm myself to feel better. and it does feel better, for a while. then i'll feel all rotten inside and i hate myself for it. i also feel worthless.

i cant control this behaviour. the need to harm myself takes over me, like a demon. its like i cant stop. i dont think about suicide whenever i hit myself because i dont want to die. i feel better whenever i hit myself because i know im 'punishing' myself.

i dont want my family to know.. im tired of living like this, harming myself to make myself feel better.. its tiring.. please help me.
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Replies(16)
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antigone
replied on May 7th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Have you seen a psychiatrist about this issue? Self harm can be a symptom of a mental health disorder, anxiety disorder, depression.... The anger aspect of the episodes you describe needs to be addressed. Find a good psychiatrist and get treated.
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Users who thank antigone for this post: shoeholic 
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Emma2
replied on May 8th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
It's clear you havea majorproblemand youneed to seek mental help asap before you start hurting others or end up killing yourself.
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Users who thank Emma2 for this post: shoeholic 
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luvumason
replied on May 24th, 2008
New User
Hi, I have a three year old with autism that does this to himself. He hits me and his little brother but, mainly hits himself. Anytime he is corrected or upset about anything, he punches himself in the head over and over. This has been a major concern for me so, the pshyciatrist is going to try some behavioral therapy and if that doesn't work she is going to try medication so, you may want to see a pshyciatrist.
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apple21
replied on May 27th, 2008
New User
I understand
I had this same problem when i was teenager, i would cut my self, i would blame my self for every problem around me and the only way i knew to get out my anger was to hurt myself, i could see what i was doing but never felt the pain, it got to the point where i tried many time to kill myself. and was in the hospital once. Let me tell you the only thing that got me through this was my family and my husband(boyfriend at the Time), if you don't have people next to you helping you through this hard time, I'm not sure you can do it alone, I did see a theraist and they help me some to learn what the true problem was and to try and love myself, but my family with the biggest support for me. I hope i help in any way
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aquachickola
replied on May 29th, 2008
New User
i hit myself too, and I bang my head against the walls until i get goose eggs. it's like the rage just comes out and has to go somewhere... anywhere.
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spongebob23
replied on June 4th, 2008
New User
When i was younger i used to hit myself aswel..weather it was bangin my head against a wall or randumly punch myself so i know how some people feel and im here to listen x
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shoeholic
replied on June 6th, 2008
New User
im trying
thanks.. i really appreciate it..
i am trying to control these urges.. still struggling..
whenever i get mad, i try very2 hard to not hurt myself and just take a deep breath and relax. its hard, to be honest but at least i think twice about doing it. thanx for the support Smile
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giventofly
replied on July 29th, 2008
New User
I hear you your not alone. I have a short temper, and it is easy for me to get thrown into a blind rage, and if no one else is around for me to unleash on, well i end up hitting myself and everything around me OR i can always chose the wonderful alternative playing the drums... try and find a hobby. But i know its hard because you can't control yourself when your like that and well i never felt the punches or even knew i was doing it until i finished.
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aris
replied on February 24th, 2009
New User
me to
youre same like me
when i go mad or depression
blamed everything to me..

i hit my face until i can hear..
i hit again and again..

it hurt

and did u know?
before post this i did it..

i dont know how to stop it
please help me
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LesMiserables
replied on March 2nd, 2009
New User
I can so relate to your situation. I do the exact same thing and I'm 51 years old. I get upset with myself for doing something stupid and then I'll hit my face and head first and then I'll go to my legs/thighs. I've broken capillaries in both my checks from hitting myself so much.

And yes, like you it does make me feel better for the moment but it's just another form of self-abuse. It may result from low self-esteem or maybe it's related to a childhood abuse that you're not aware of right now. I would talk to a therapist about it to uncover the root issue of it. For me, it's due to being abused as a child and told I was stupid and being punished for it. I'm just perpetuating what my victimizers did to me and there are usually certain things in my life that trigger it.

Self-abuse/self-injury is a hard issue to stop once you start but I don't think it's impossible. It doesn't mean you won't have relapses but I think the trick is to recognize the things that triggers these episodes and work towards better coping skills.

I'm probably the last person to give advice since I also do other types of self-injury like picking at imperfections/pimples in the skin until it bleeds. Then I'll keeping working on the same spot till it gets larger and larger. I get release from the pain and joy from the sight of my own blood. Right now, I have sores on both my elbows, under my panties and under my bra and they're very infected and red. So I'm not to good at stopping myself either.
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ShadyMilady
replied on May 5th, 2009
New User
BP
Many times,though NOT ALWAYS, self-hitting, or "self-injury" is a symptom of Bipolar Disorder. I, too, am struggling with self inflicted "punishment" or anger. I don't really have any desire to hit anyone else, just me.

{BTW, I have not been diagnosed with BP, but I have been diagnosed with depression.}

Sorry, it's a year later, but I hope that helps?
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LesMiserables
replied on May 5th, 2009
New User
Shady Milady. I've recently came out of the hospital diagnosed with bipolar mixed and as my previous post shows I too hit myself. Since entering hospital and being placed on Abilify I haven't had an anger episode to the degree of where I self-injury myself in this way. I still self-injury by picking at myself but not as much anymore.

To the OP, I would defiently seek help and get into therapy and on the right meds. If it helped me, it can help you too. God Bless and good luck.
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moongirl81
replied on September 1st, 2009
New User
I have found every single one of these posts incredibly helpful. Im 28 years old and I hit myself when I have had a huge argument or I am feeling really blue. I have been doing so for around 12 years on and off. It comes and go's. Les Miserable!!! I completley understand everything yu are saying, I too pick at pimples, scabs, ingrowing hairs...and I have ended up with a number of scars and pigments on my face because of this. Im unsure why I started...I have had soem stressful events in my life and I think that things are really starting to come to a head now. I have recently got married and I want to change as I dont want to keep doing this when I have children. Its not soemthing that just teens have to deal with as you can see from a number of these posts!! Im glad thaty I am not alone in the world!!!! I hope everyone out there gets the help they need and overcome this issue.
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Gracie012
replied on September 4th, 2009
Experienced User
Ok, so I also cut myself... I do it for a release of the pain I'm feeling during a panic attack, or if I feel so hopless and useless... but most times I do it to punish myself. That is what caught my interest in this subject, because you mentioned that you blame yourself for the fights... well I blame myself for everything. I dont want to kill myself at all, but I know that I am depressed... no one but three people know about what is going on, so I havent been diagnosed with it...
I have banged my gead agaibnst my bed pole several times, many nights in a row. It's just when I want to get something out of my head, or if my scissors arent anywhere near me...
Recently I have been using a rubber band, but that is just for my friend who knows about this. He convinced me to do it for him, which is the nly reason I have tried to stop...
But, I feel for you.
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tiferet
replied on October 31st, 2009
New User
Ijust donot know if I want to stop. What would that look like!!
I Hit my self all day long and getting smarter where I hit myself. I use a mag flash light omy lage above my kine. if somthing is good I hit if thahgs are bad I hit myself. I have ben doing this all the way back to 5years old Im now 53 and it is wors then ever. I hope I will go so out fo control I will take my life. No one can stop me. not even me Someone told me to pray and ask GOD to help. I feel if HE did I would not know what to do with the pain then drift back into what makes me feel in control. Cant beleave a life free of fear would be happy I need pain to live otherwize Im dead so why not just die no more paine
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Gracie012
replied on November 3rd, 2009
Experienced User
Honey, I know what you mean. I get smarter when I cut myself, like on what to do an what not to do to get the best results, and to feel a certain way...
But you cant give up, and you cant blame God, he hates that your doing this to yourself too...
Now im guessing your going to ask, "Well, if he hates that im doing this to myself, then why doesnt he just swoop down and help me! Take the pain away". That would be my question...well, the only answer I have is that he gives us free will. If we didnt have free will, then we couldnt choose to love him, which is what he wants us to do. But, unfortunatly that comes with the bad part of free will, is that satan has a chance to control our lives, or at least try and seduce us into temptation. God gave us the free will to choose our path, Him or not. So we can choose, to cut or hurt ourselves, or not. If we trust in him, then honey I believe we can be healed! At least comforted by him... Smile
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