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hitting myself (Page 1)

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hi there,
im 20 and i have a raging temper. whenever i get angry at someone, my heart races and i feel like i couldnt breathe. not only that, i hit myself.

i deliberately hit myself over and over because it makes me feel good. i repeatedly hit my head then my thighs, my hands, my face, anywhere i feel like until it becomes all red. sometimes it got so bad, my head will have bumps as i hit really hard.

when i hit myself, i dont feel the pain. its like my hands get out of control and i feel like hitting something. the only problem is that, the thing im hitting is myself. i do this all the time when im angry at someone.

if we get into a fight, i will always feel like it's my fault. eventhough i know its not my fault. i will always blame and harm myself to feel better. and it does feel better, for a while. then i'll feel all rotten inside and i hate myself for it. i also feel worthless.

i cant control this behaviour. the need to harm myself takes over me, like a demon. its like i cant stop. i dont think about suicide whenever i hit myself because i dont want to die. i feel better whenever i hit myself because i know im 'punishing' myself.

i dont want my family to know.. im tired of living like this, harming myself to make myself feel better.. its tiring.. please help me.
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First Helper User Profile spongebob23
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replied May 7th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Have you seen a psychiatrist about this issue? Self harm can be a symptom of a mental health disorder, anxiety disorder, depression.... The anger aspect of the episodes you describe needs to be addressed. Find a good psychiatrist and get treated.
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Users who thank antigone for this post: shoeholic 

replied May 8th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
It's clear you havea majorproblemand youneed to seek mental help asap before you start hurting others or end up killing yourself.
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replied May 24th, 2008
Hi, I have a three year old with autism that does this to himself. He hits me and his little brother but, mainly hits himself. Anytime he is corrected or upset about anything, he punches himself in the head over and over. This has been a major concern for me so, the pshyciatrist is going to try some behavioral therapy and if that doesn't work she is going to try medication so, you may want to see a pshyciatrist.
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replied November 18th, 2013
I strongly dissaprove of medication. FOR A THREE YEAR OLD?!?!! I used to hit myself and now I don't. I was a rape victim. I stopped by forming a stronger bond with my family and outright told my mom, who I love a lottt, that she had to stop being hard on me. Condeming behaviour doesn't work, it eats on itself. Maybe a child at 3 years old whose already been told he is "autistic" and therefore not good enough feels so hopeless and has been given the message he deserves to feel this mimics emotionally how he is being treated by those around him.
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replied May 27th, 2008
I understand
I had this same problem when i was teenager, i would cut my self, i would blame my self for every problem around me and the only way i knew to get out my anger was to hurt myself, i could see what i was doing but never felt the pain, it got to the point where i tried many time to kill myself. and was in the hospital once. Let me tell you the only thing that got me through this was my family and my husband(boyfriend at the Time), if you don't have people next to you helping you through this hard time, I'm not sure you can do it alone, I did see a theraist and they help me some to learn what the true problem was and to try and love myself, but my family with the biggest support for me. I hope i help in any way
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replied May 29th, 2008
i hit myself too, and I bang my head against the walls until i get goose eggs. it's like the rage just comes out and has to go somewhere... anywhere.
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replied June 4th, 2008
Experienced User
When i was younger i used to hit myself aswel..weather it was bangin my head against a wall or randumly punch myself so i know how some people feel and im here to listen x
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Users who thank spongebob23 for this post: aniger 

replied June 6th, 2008
im trying
thanks.. i really appreciate it..
i am trying to control these urges.. still struggling..
whenever i get mad, i try very2 hard to not hurt myself and just take a deep breath and relax. its hard, to be honest but at least i think twice about doing it. thanx for the support Smile
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replied November 6th, 2011
I hit myself too when i am upset or angry. I feel such a weak and pathetic person. I hit myself when my partner upsets me and I feel that I have no outlet. Sometimes I scream silently to myself I am too scared to let the noise out but it feels terrifying
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replied July 29th, 2008
I hear you your not alone. I have a short temper, and it is easy for me to get thrown into a blind rage, and if no one else is around for me to unleash on, well i end up hitting myself and everything around me OR i can always chose the wonderful alternative playing the drums... try and find a hobby. But i know its hard because you can't control yourself when your like that and well i never felt the punches or even knew i was doing it until i finished.
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replied February 24th, 2009
me to
youre same like me
when i go mad or depression
blamed everything to me..

i hit my face until i can hear..
i hit again and again..

it hurt

and did u know?
before post this i did it..

i dont know how to stop it
please help me
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replied November 18th, 2013
well if you smoke weed or drink stop that because you can't progress. what happend to you? Confront the root cause of why you're doing this. Listen to Tony Robbins. You can have the life you want!!! YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOURSELF. YOU ARE UNIQUE, BEAUTIFUL, WORTHY AND LOVABLE !
Also be easy on yourself. Forgive yourself for hurting yourself in the past. If you do use drugs or alcohol to cope just know to fully recover you should stop but, you can take baby steps towards quitting. Always be easy and loving towards yourself.
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replied March 2nd, 2009
I can so relate to your situation. I do the exact same thing and I'm 51 years old. I get upset with myself for doing something stupid and then I'll hit my face and head first and then I'll go to my legs/thighs. I've broken capillaries in both my checks from hitting myself so much.

And yes, like you it does make me feel better for the moment but it's just another form of self-abuse. It may result from low self-esteem or maybe it's related to a childhood abuse that you're not aware of right now. I would talk to a therapist about it to uncover the root issue of it. For me, it's due to being abused as a child and told I was stupid and being punished for it. I'm just perpetuating what my victimizers did to me and there are usually certain things in my life that trigger it.

Self-abuse/self-injury is a hard issue to stop once you start but I don't think it's impossible. It doesn't mean you won't have relapses but I think the trick is to recognize the things that triggers these episodes and work towards better coping skills.

I'm probably the last person to give advice since I also do other types of self-injury like picking at imperfections/pimples in the skin until it bleeds. Then I'll keeping working on the same spot till it gets larger and larger. I get release from the pain and joy from the sight of my own blood. Right now, I have sores on both my elbows, under my panties and under my bra and they're very infected and red. So I'm not to good at stopping myself either.
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replied May 5th, 2009
BP
Many times,though NOT ALWAYS, self-hitting, or "self-injury" is a symptom of Bipolar Disorder. I, too, am struggling with self inflicted "punishment" or anger. I don't really have any desire to hit anyone else, just me.

{BTW, I have not been diagnosed with BP, but I have been diagnosed with depression.}

Sorry, it's a year later, but I hope that helps?
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replied May 5th, 2009
Shady Milady. I've recently came out of the hospital diagnosed with bipolar mixed and as my previous post shows I too hit myself. Since entering hospital and being placed on Abilify I haven't had an anger episode to the degree of where I self-injury myself in this way. I still self-injury by picking at myself but not as much anymore.

To the OP, I would defiently seek help and get into therapy and on the right meds. If it helped me, it can help you too. God Bless and good luck.
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replied September 1st, 2009
I have found every single one of these posts incredibly helpful. Im 28 years old and I hit myself when I have had a huge argument or I am feeling really blue. I have been doing so for around 12 years on and off. It comes and go's. Les Miserable!!! I completley understand everything yu are saying, I too pick at pimples, scabs, ingrowing hairs...and I have ended up with a number of scars and pigments on my face because of this. Im unsure why I started...I have had soem stressful events in my life and I think that things are really starting to come to a head now. I have recently got married and I want to change as I dont want to keep doing this when I have children. Its not soemthing that just teens have to deal with as you can see from a number of these posts!! Im glad thaty I am not alone in the world!!!! I hope everyone out there gets the help they need and overcome this issue.
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replied September 4th, 2009
Experienced User
Ok, so I also cut myself... I do it for a release of the pain I'm feeling during a panic attack, or if I feel so hopless and useless... but most times I do it to punish myself. That is what caught my interest in this subject, because you mentioned that you blame yourself for the fights... well I blame myself for everything. I dont want to kill myself at all, but I know that I am depressed... no one but three people know about what is going on, so I havent been diagnosed with it...
I have banged my gead agaibnst my bed pole several times, many nights in a row. It's just when I want to get something out of my head, or if my scissors arent anywhere near me...
Recently I have been using a rubber band, but that is just for my friend who knows about this. He convinced me to do it for him, which is the nly reason I have tried to stop...
But, I feel for you.
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replied October 31st, 2009
Ijust donot know if I want to stop. What would that look like!!
I Hit my self all day long and getting smarter where I hit myself. I use a mag flash light omy lage above my kine. if somthing is good I hit if thahgs are bad I hit myself. I have ben doing this all the way back to 5years old Im now 53 and it is wors then ever. I hope I will go so out fo control I will take my life. No one can stop me. not even me Someone told me to pray and ask GOD to help. I feel if HE did I would not know what to do with the pain then drift back into what makes me feel in control. Cant beleave a life free of fear would be happy I need pain to live otherwize Im dead so why not just die no more paine
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replied November 3rd, 2009
Experienced User
Honey, I know what you mean. I get smarter when I cut myself, like on what to do an what not to do to get the best results, and to feel a certain way...
But you cant give up, and you cant blame God, he hates that your doing this to yourself too...
Now im guessing your going to ask, "Well, if he hates that im doing this to myself, then why doesnt he just swoop down and help me! Take the pain away". That would be my question...well, the only answer I have is that he gives us free will. If we didnt have free will, then we couldnt choose to love him, which is what he wants us to do. But, unfortunatly that comes with the bad part of free will, is that satan has a chance to control our lives, or at least try and seduce us into temptation. God gave us the free will to choose our path, Him or not. So we can choose, to cut or hurt ourselves, or not. If we trust in him, then honey I believe we can be healed! At least comforted by him... Smile
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replied November 29th, 2009
i am almost 52 and have hit myself as a form of self-punishment. I believe it is because when I am upset or in an argument, I hit myself as if the person I am arguing with would do if they wanted to. Yes I am married and thee were years that me and my husband fought but not no more. However I will punish myself for my actions by banging my head on the wall, pounding my head with my fist, slapping my face. I use to bit the inside of my mouth all the time, I am on Prozac for depression and I believe this has helped the biting inside my mouth and tongue. I do have an anxiety disorder.
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replied February 22nd, 2010
hitting myself b/c angry.
Hello.I'm 24 years old and I can relate a lot. I am a recovering alcoholic of 15 months. I was told I am bi polar which is interesting since I've been only treated for depression all these years. I know from my AA experience that all addictions come in many different forms and are actually a symptom to an underlying issue. My drinking had to do with blocking out my feelings to such an extent that I get hives currently as I try to express myself properly. I am finding out a lot of health stuff that I can even possibly help by changing my diet. But everything is so crazy.Because I have this problem where I hit my head on walls or hit my legs when I'm in heated arguements or just plain frustrated it has given off the idea that I may be crazy.But I am not suicidal is the big thing... actually the main reason I have noticed I do actions as above have to do with Im usually so full of anger or rage that I pull away from people so I don't lash out or hurt them. But it didn't become apparent that I was so angry until towards the end of my drinking and beginning of my soberity. I do see a phycologist and it is great! Easy does it and One day at a time because Im such a mess that I can only heal so fast. My therapist has a sign on her wall that says, "Normal is just a setting on the washing machine!" But I have figured out that I am crazy a lil and Im okay with that. I have also figured out that the general population seems to be anywhere from a lil to a lot crazy... so Im not the only one. Lol, have to add that. but I completely understand A LOT of these posts. Thank you because they have also helped me too!
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replied June 21st, 2010
self harm, hitting wall
I am currently pregnant and just before I found out I came down on my medication. Due to my mood swings my husband and I have not been getting along. When things get to much I hit my head of doors and walls (and I may have given myself brain damage due to this) and hit myself (so far I have avoided my belly)The pressure inside my head builds up and my emotions go out of control. It helps knowing that I am not the only one who self harms in this way.
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