well i guess im not the worst looking person in the world but im definately not the best. ive always felt bad about the way i look and lately i just feel really tired of living my life constantly sad and i want to change.

my friends have always made fun of me, and before they were just joking around, but lately one of my friends has gone way too far and was a friend about it. he put me down and laughed at me and my other friends knew that he'd taken it to far but didnt say anything about it. its gotten worse, they tease me all the time and call me stupid and embarrase me and i hide my depression by making fun of myself sometimes and just laughing it off. how can they be so insensitive and mean?? their my friends and yet they dont think what they say will hurt my feelings. one of my friends once started putting me down and thought it was funny and someone she barely knew she was so nice, im her best friend and shes trying to be someone else and she has no kind words for me. it seems like they lost respect for me and its funny becasue one of my closest friends never ever treats me the way she does when she around my other friends. but when its just me and her were good. its like a bi-polar thing with them, i jus dont get it.

and also i just got out of a relationship and i just feel worse about myself and my body. my ex dumped me because he didnt want to take responsibility for a baby we thought i had. i told my mom and i wasnt pregnant, but he still just left me. I feel like im not pretty enough because during our relationship he was always abusive and dumped me before for other girls [i didnt find out until after].

and again my friends. just recently i was at a concert and we were talking about hair. my hair is very thick, dry, curly its ugly no matter what people tell me. and i was curling my friends hair. [i always help others and i never help myself because i just feel like theirs nothing i can do to improve myself. ] my other friend kept on talking about how beautiful my friends hair was, which it is. and then she started teasing about mine. my friend who was getting her hair curled by me even commented, i felt so hurt but i just laughed along. ive been thinking lately of shaving mi head and wearing a wig because my hair is damaged but idk if i can do that, i want to, but itll jus b another thing to tease me about.

i cant talk to them about it becasue i doubt they will listen and take it seriously. ugh i just feel bad about everything...