Hernia Hell and fed up of looking pregnant any advise?

I am almost 40 and am female, and Ive had a nightmare for the last 4 years.

I have had 2 operations for a hernia and the first one the mesh got infected and the 2nd one the mesh has detached, so as you can guess im back to square 1

I have been to see a specialisr who would like to put in a biological mesh and rebuild my abdominal wall using my muscle has explainned that it is major surgey.

I have ruled out this option as I have had a lot of nightmares already (too many to list) but I am getting very depressed as i look heavily pregnant and the more weight i loose the bigger my "baby" looks, its that bad that Im often asked when the baby is due!!!!! This was funny at first but not anymore, Ive tried belts etc... but at times they cant be worn due to pain. The hernia is high up but under the bump lies my belly button and up the top i can feel nodules, which give out an eletric feeling pain daily.

Intercourse has not beenpossible for over a year and despite being happily married it has put a strain some what on our relationship.

Has anyone else experienced similar and if so have you found a way round the pain during intercourse (pressure on the bump hurts) and also how can I hide my bump??

I am no longer under the surgeon as I really cant go through any more surgey

Any advise welcome as Im at the end of my tether its very draining carrying a "baby" for so long, and caffine tablets only work for so long.