I'm just need of a friendly advice and some support from people who've been through what i'm going through.
I find out i was 3 weeks pregnant few days ago and i'm certainly sure of my decision to terminate due to many personal reasons so i'm not confused about that at all. Yes i was stupid enough to be sexually intimate with my boyfriend but that is not the point. He didn't cum inside me and I took the morning after pill afterwards but unfortunately it didn't work.
I did a sona/scan 2days ago but the nurse couldn't find anything not even a sac and my question is? Is it possible that it is an ectopic pregnancy since the results said i was pregnant. I'm a week late and i feel fine with no pregnancy symptoms except the cramps similar to my period but nothing.
They asked me to wait 2 more weeks as they said they can't terminate nothing and i'm very scared right now. I just need some comfort and a friend who will understand.
I'm choosing the surgical option and my bf is willing to pay more so that i won't feel too much pain which means they will put me to sleep. Is that dangerous? what are the sides effect?. I've never had surgery before and the thought of me being "out" scars the crap out of me.
I'm 21 and this is the most horrifying thing i ever have to do and i don't wish to be in this position again. Is it also normal not to want to be affectionate with my bf coz of what is happening? He understands but i think my fears are taking over as i don't think i want to be intimate with him ever again.
Thanks for listening and i'll appreciate any positive replies.
I think the reason they couldnt find anything on the scan is because you are still too early along. Since you are only 1 week late then the sac and all that is still developing. Once you hit about 5-7 weeks you should see something. Im sorry that you are so scared of the procedure. Please trust me when I say that going under has its risks but todays technology makes it easy and comfortable for you. I have learned that the surgical procedure takes minutes to complete and then you are finished. When you do "go out" you wont feel anything. It will be like you just went to sleep and woke up. I had shoulder surgery and was under for a couple hours. The doctor came up to me and said "ok we are going to get started..." Right after he said started I was waking up in the recovery room. its that fast. There is no struggle to stay awake and you cant even really feel yourself going to sleep. Its really not that scary. Just try to remain calm and take deep breaths. The more you stress out about it the more afraid you will be. Just remember that the doctors know what they are doing and have probably done it hundreds of times.
As for your boyfriend, he sounds very nice and supportive and probably one of your main support systems through this. Are you blaming him in any way? Is that why you dont want to be intimate? Or are you blaming yourself for engaging in sex? First off you took the morning after pill to protect yourself from pregnancy. but this oviously doesnt always work for everyone. So how is this anyones fault? I may be way off base but please dont beat yourself or him up. You did what you had to do, after that its out of your hands.
Please keep posting. There are so many women on here that can and want to help
I have had a surgical abortion. I found out I was pregnant before I even missed my period, and the clinic wouldn't schedule an appointment for me until a week later. (probably because they wouldn't be able to see it yet) I also had "period cramping" when I was about 3-7 days late. As for being put to sleep during the procedure....I chose to stay awake. So I really can't help too much with that question. All the other women in the clinic with me that day chose sedation, and seemed perfectly fine (if not a bit drowsy) afterward. Remember, you will only be "out" for about 15 minutes. The procedure is very quick. Good luck with everything. You will be fine
I'm replying because I was in the exact same situation as you were one year ago (I'm also 21).
I had the surgical at 7 weeks (and like you had never had any type of surgery beforehand), and I asked to be put to sleep, I was slightly nervous, but not overwhelmingly so. The anesthesiologist was very kind, asked me how I was feeling during the sedation (I think it was IV sedation) and told me I should start to feel sleepy, and soon enough I was. They even let me go to sleep with my dignity, I didn't have my feet in stirrups or anything (they must have done that after I got knocked out). I woke up as I was being wheeled into the recovery room (at a private clinic). I was very alert as soon as I woke up, had no nausea sometimes associated with sedation, and only felt cramping (similar to a moderate period) and slight bleeding. In fact, I only bled a maximum of 2 hours that day and the cramping was gone as soon as I was able to stand, and I didn't bleed again until my birth control induced period. Please keep in mind that every woman is different, but I felt compelled to tell you my story, because everything went so well, and there are so many horror stories out there on the web that can be exaggerated.
As for the intimacy issue with your boyfriend. It is normal. I am still with my boyfriend (I've only ever had one sexual partner, he was the father), and I won't lie, it was very hard on him, because he had a difficult time understanding my emotions, but he has been my rock through this entire ordeal. If your boyfriend truly cares for you, he'll have patience, try not to worry. I know my boyfriend says he has a hard time talking to me about it because he doesn't want to set me off or upset me, just let your bf know what you want from him, whether that be a willing listener or comforter or whichever. I was scared to have sex with my bf afterward, but we have been exceedingly careful since then, and he has never ever pressured me (the whole situation was very difficult for me, but realistically, it is difficult to abstain for the rest of your life or until you are ready for children even when your scared. And I do love him. I feel I should be able to express this physically if I so choose).
Please don't hesitate to contact me if you have anymore questions. and sorry for the essay, hope it helped.
Thank you all who have replied to my post for not judging me and for all your support. I really appreciate it.
Rosie; I'm not sure why i feel the way i do but i guess in a way i do blame him even though i know it's not his fault at all and another part of me is so angry at myself too. I know i tried to prevent the situation but i couldn't. I DON'T think i'll regret my decision as it was mine to make. Maybe when all this is done then i'll be able to move on and accept that it wasn't his fault or mine for that matter.
Lucy; Thank you so much for your input and for sharing your experience with me, I Truly appreciate it.
Amino; Thanks for sharing your story with me as it seems like we are in the exact situation. I'm glad to hear that your experience wasn't so bad. I guess i'm scared that i won't wake up as silly as that might sound... I also understand what you mean about the intimacy issue and my bf tries to understand how i feel and he isn't asking me to do anything but i know it's not easy for him. He also can't talk to me coz he feels i'm going through enough as it is and he doesn't want to burden me with his feelings but he did tell me that he was also scared. Your "essay" really put my mind at ease. I will contact you if i have any more questions.
Thank you all for your support. I will keep you posted.
Maybe it is too early for me to talk- I just had my abortion yesterday, but it was painless for me and I do not regret it. I kept thinking I would have second thoughts and regrets, but the only regret I have is that things couldn't have been different. I believe the baby's father could have made better choices that would have allowed me to make another decision, but in the end, I had to make a decision that was best for me, given all the facts in front of me. Best of luck with your decision, I was amazed at how painless the procedure really was and I do not feel guilty or regret, two emotions I was really worried about before going through with it.