I am interested in helping you but for that I need more detailed info especially with the portion that says your parents banned you from going anywhere. You are from UK and I guess you are in college or university. Why are parents doing so? Please illustrate.

You don't need to be scared about the future. What has to happen will happen. Things that are beyond your control, thinking about them will be of no help.

As far as academics are concerned, you are getting good grades. You are going to university, then you will get a good job, then you will get married to a nice person, you will have kids, a happy family, a caring life partner...............and so on!!! What else do you need? Are you afraid about dyeing someday? Well, who is immortal over here? That's the natural termination of life, please don't think too much about that.

Why wouldn't anyone want to know you. I feel very interested to know you. If you are feeling you are the only one who is lonely, you are wrong. We all are lonely because the friends that we have are part time friends and it's very difficult to find a true friend. My ideas are not philosophical even though only a few would agree while most would not.

If you need someone to talk to (in this site), I am there. You can always ask me and if you don't want a public discussion, you can message me in my inbox.

Hope that helps!

God bless you!

Thank you. I mean it; that was good, down to earth advice. Thank you for taking the time to write all that. I'm actually feeling a little better now - although that could be partly down to the fact that I go through regular bouts of depression interpersed with feeling "okay."

When I said that my parents banned me from going anywhere, I didn't mean that I was grounded or anything. I have the type of parents who are overly protective. Interestingly, my elder brother did not have the same experience. It started from the moment my friends started asking me if I wanted to go out. The reply would be the same: "no." There was no winning over my parents' word. I didn't help that at the time, my friends weren't true friends. I understand you perfectly when you speak (write) of "part time friends." I think about things like this all the time. It's like an emptiness. I wonder if that is what we are all seeking. I would love a true friend. Such a connection is so rare.

Back to the boring story - needless to say, I don't see those friends anymore. I'd known them for many years, but it was surprisingly easy for us to part ways. Well, there were no confrontations, but the tension was unbearable. After knowing someone since primary, it almost becomes an obligation to talk and hang around with each other. I was talked about behind my back and had to avoid certain places, but I could handle it. I still have to be wary because I can bump into them.

Nowadays, I can go out, but it's still limited. My lack of experience with places because of the way my parents acted means that I am worried about looking like a fool and getting lost. Not many opportunities either. I'm fixing that though, so I'm not a totally lost case. With any luck, I'll be going away with a friend this summer. I want to get away from here before I suffocate.

Haha, I don't ponder too much on mortality. Not at the moment anyway. The only thing I'm scared of is dying without having done anything. Without having fulfilled my potential. It could happen at any time.

I sometimes think that no-one would want to know me because...it's hard to explain. Maybe it's just a symptom of my depression.

Thank you once again

i googled scared and depression and helplessness and when i saw your post i knew exactly what you are talking about and my parents are exactly like that too the only thing missing in your story is the sisters that try to take everything you like and betray you whenever they have the chance and i too don't have any real friends so much that i started going to irc everyday to chat with strangers maybe there's someone that will understand what I'm feeling but just one did and i don't know but i think he blocked me after giving me his email?? anyway i really really want to be your friend and i know why your post is so polite and u keep saying thank u because u r so desperate and afraid i really want to get to know .I hope u read my post bye