I have a huge problem that I have probably been in denial about for a long time now, and I need too see what people think.

I am 26 years old, in good shape, completely healthy with no real fears of socializing or going out. I was in a fraternity in college where I was surrounded by beautiful women all the time, but when it came to hooking up with girls at parties I would either avoid it for fear of being labeled with that girl, or I simply felt that I could never break out of my normal polite mode and into a seductive mode with girls. I have no problem talking to girls, and I can always tell if I have a chance, but part of me holds back.

I found out I had a gay brother not to long ago, and I realized that most of my language and expressions are picked up from him. But b/c he was never interested in women, I was never really subjected to brother guy talk. This has caused a problem for me "shooting the caca" about girls with my guy friends. Even though I want to say normal guy stuff, I find myself holding back about anything that has to do with women.

I have been reading Freud and Wilhelm Reich and they discuss the idea of sexual repression and how it restrains the individual from rebelling thus to create a more mundane and obedient "citizen". Unfortunately this problem is not even acknowledged as a disease. But it makes total sense.

I was never a rebellious child at all, and I seem to always be so nice to people. Their description of repression fits me to a tee.

I fell in love with a girl I was best friends with in high school and instead of embracing it and having sex, and being intimate like normal people would do, I pretty much ran away, going to a college far from home. Thinking my problems would solve themselves.

But then I found myself still having the same problems I used to. If I knew anything about the girl, I felt like there was a fear in me to take it to the next level. Almost as if it would be inpolite for me to want to have sex with her. The only girls I ended up hooking up with were girls I had no respect for, and I was usually drunk at a party, resulting in nothing more then a one night stand.

My main problem is, i met a girl that i did truly love, and I did the exact same thing as before. Because I couldn't embrace the love I just left again... but I cam back and started talking to her... however when i went out with her we had a great time, but at the end of the date I almost instinctively just hugged her without even holding eye contact, and just sort of ran to my car and left. I felt like a made a total fool of myself.

I have no idea why I do these things, and it is causing me to become extremely depressed with my life. I try and rationalize it by saying there are lots of guys out there who aren't getting girlfriends. But most of those guys either don't know how to talk to women, or are just completely anti social all togethor. I could have a girlfriend if I wanted but this side of me that holds back is killing me.

I am positive it is sexual repression. And I was wondering what peoples advice would be to break out of my shell more. Should I simply go bar hopping and sleep with tons of women until I have no respect for women at all? (probably not) But any help would be great~