Help with bi polar girlfriend

Radorix

Phew...what can I say. I see both sides of the coin and neither deserves to be in pain. It is really difficult for her to live with those thoughts...and just as much for you as you obviously love her.

From my own experience, I can tell you that a person with Bipolar has difficulty in holding on to one feeling to the next. The one moment you are up-beat about something the next you don't want anything to do with it.

Those feelings, however are irrational and do not reflect her true feelings. I don't want to tell you something like "Well, just give her her space when she push you away, she'll come around" because that is unfair to you as it hurts to be pushed away even though in the end the other person truely do love you.

I don't want either of you to lose one another.

Can you approach a eastern doctor or religious person. Maybe work something out to find a alternate way to convince her to take something to help her take the edge off the disorder. Even if it is a herbal remedy (Most if not all western medicine comes from traditional medicine, just much more refined and predictable)

You can allways discuss any issue with me and I will try my best to explain it to you so you can at least better understand where it is coming from.

All of the best

Serath

Hi there radorix...i read your article looking for a solution to my own relationship problems...and ur post was an eye opener. My girlfriend of off and on again 3yrs is exactly the same way. As of right now she wants nothing to do with me and is unsure and confused with her life....but exactly a week ago or 2 weeks ago everything couldn't have been better...i notice when new and potentially life changing events good or bad take place she all of a sudden seems to panic and im her worst enemy... I am unsure of what to do..i try to be extremely supportive of her in anyway i can...when ever i bring up the topic of being bipolar she gets offended...what do i do she is my sweet heart and i dont want to lose her...any professionals that might be able to help me out

As a woman suffering from bipolar I felt the need to respond to this post as it has such a terrible effect on my relationship.

I am completely inlove with the man I am with and he is terrific but I tend to lash out on him. When I'm happy I'm SO happy, we have talked about moving in together and progressing our relationship but all of that is ruined when I go through an episode and, inturn, treat him terribly or feel the need to end our relationship suddenly. I know this makes him feel like he can't trust me or depend on me and makes him very distant towards me. I have recently gone through one of these episodes and it has hurt our relationship so badly that I don't think we'll recover.

In reality, I would never leave him and these feelings of anger and depression are things that will pass. I get such anxiety that I can't think straight and I act impulsively without thinking of the consiquences or the damage that I'm causing. Then when I calm down I feel so depressed that I've hurt us, I don't know if I can go on.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if your girlfriend is going through an episode, the best thing to do is to realize that what she's saying is not how she's actually feeling in the bigger picture. The best thing to do is to not respond and to just be supportive. A simple message saying "I love you" or even just a hug and complete silence is often what I need to get over it. If you end up arguing more damage will be done. I know that doesn't seem fair... but if you're choosing to stay with someone suffering from bipolar it's a sacrifice that you sort of have to accept... I hope that helped...

wow are you my girlfriend?? because you are describing her to the T...thank you for your advice...i tried this idea of telling her that i love her and I got somewhere with that...I will close my mouth when i notice this coming on...but how do i convince her to seek professional help........

That is a hard issue to get over. Personally I struggled for many years with accepting help as I am a very successful business woman and felt that I was intellectual enough to overcome it. Unfortunately, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that what I was feeling was not real, sometimes I could not control it.

I know that my issues stem from my father's suicide when I was young, which triggered this in me. He was also bipolar and an addict as a result and was not strong enough to overcome it, so he gave up. I eventually decided that I neve want to end up this way, so I got help.

I am not the kind of person that likes to "talk about my feelings" and the repression was making everything worse. I think the best thing you can offer is to go to a counciller together... talking to someone who is completely unrelated to your every day life really helps and can put things in perspective. Talking to someone else made me realize that this is an illness, just like any other illness. Some people have diabetes, some people have mental illenss, it is not something we can control and is cause by a chemical inbalance. If you're a diabetic, you need to take insulin in order to break down sugars to that you don't go into a comma, if you are bipolar you need to take medicine so you don't go into a manic or depressed state. It is the same thing. The first step is to somehow make her realize that it is not a weakness... Which I think a professional can help her realize. Maybe try using that analogy? It's a sad world we live in where people have to be ashamed and embarrassed of mental health issues. The more we talk about it, the better off everyone is.

That is a hard issue to get over. Personally I struggled for many years with accepting help as I am a very successful business woman and felt that I was intellectual enough to overcome it. Unfortunately, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that what I was feeling was not real, sometimes I could not control it.

I know that my issues stem from my father's suicide when I was young, which triggered this in me. He was also bipolar and an addict as a result and was not strong enough to overcome it, so he gave up. I eventually decided that I neve want to end up this way, so I got help.

I am not the kind of person that likes to "talk about my feelings" and the repression was making everything worse. I think the best thing you can offer is to go to a counciller together... talking to someone who is completely unrelated to your every day life really helps and can put things in perspective. Talking to someone else made me realize that this is an illness, just like any other illness. Some people have diabetes, some people have mental illenss, it is not something we can control and is cause by a chemical inbalance. If you're a diabetic, you need to take insulin in order to break down sugars to that you don't go into a comma, if you are bipolar you need to take medicine so you don't go into a manic or depressed state. It is the same thing. The first step is to somehow make her realize that it is not a weakness... Which I think a professional can help her realize. Maybe try using that analogy? It's a sad world we live in where people have to be ashamed and embarrassed of mental health issues. The more we talk about it, the better off everyone is.

As a side note. - yes I have accepted help but it is a process. I still struggle, but steps in the right direction are important. Right now I'm happy (can you tell???) But it's not always. Baby steps.

Thank you Alliekaren ur responses are very enlightening...she is very similar, very intelligent very much prideful and feels she would be viewed as having some sort of weakness (which she views her sister)...this illness runs in her family also(her sis was hospitalized at one point for acute care more then once in her life) so would you say that with meds an individual with this illness will no longer show signs or have these episodes?? (in ur last remark u stated ur happy right now)...i know there is no cure for this...but is there some hope for people tthat love someone with this illness...it really hurts to be in this situation..i dont want to give up on her..cause i know deep down inside she doesnt want me too...

If you can get her to seak help, there is hope of her not having these episodes, or having less of them. It will take time to figure out what sort of medication to use and to have her resolve some of her issues in councilling, but if she does this she will be a happier person and you will be happier with her.

I know that as much as I try I have never been able to completely conquer this and I still do lash out sometimes but I am really working on myself. I hope she does the same. It makes me sad to hear you say that you're thinking of giving up as I have heard the same words from my boyfriend and it breaks my heart. I also understand that it is not fair to you to be subjest to such an illness and to be emotionally attacked for no raeson. I think you need to convince her to try to get some help and then really think about whether or not you can handle continuing to be with her. If you don't think you can, then you need to move on and find someone else and let her try to figure it out on her own.

Thanks for ur advice..i will try and convince her when she is ready to speak to me again right now she wants her "space"...definitely dont want to give up...never loved a girl the way i love her..thanks ill keep u posted on our progress

Good luck. Wish you both all the best.

Hey Allierkaren...just following up. So my relationship is over...my ex gf was stressing over school and work and i decided to back off and give her some space for a few days..i let her know i loved her but had to let her figure things out w herself...the whole time she called me almost worrying but somewhat insecurely...i kept reassuring her i loved her...she went from wanting to see me that whole week to not wanting me anymore in less then a 2 days time and told me she wanted to see other people...then told me she was confused and then back to her orignal statement.....i threw in the towel and said good bye to her family and changed my number so she wouldnt call me back in a weeks time (as she told me)...i had enough of the treatment...i havent spoken to her for a week now and dont intend too...im quite sure she is hurt but i feel i did what was best for me

I just had this happen to me too. I am struggling with this because I dont understand what is going on with her. She keeps coming back and then breaking up with me. She keeps telling me she needs her space and then she is on facebook telling the world she wants to date Ryan Gosling and even told her 1700 facebook followers to give him the number when he was in town for a movie. She was so mean to me, then came back to apologize only to kick me again a week later and now denies all the nasty stuff she said to me. I told her I was done because I couldnt handle the abuse but I miss her terribly. I care for alot and when the times were good we fine, but then its like she just changed and was mean in general. Yelling at hostess, putting down all her friends and spouses, ect. She even smacked me and threatened to call the cops. I dont understand any of this behavior. the worst part is she acts like it never happened and when I finally get mad she looks at me like Im not normal. How can I be with all this. Any advice would be appreciated.

I just had this happen to me too. I am struggling with this because I dont understand what is going on with her. She keeps coming back and then breaking up with me. She keeps telling me she needs her space and then she is on facebook telling the world she wants to date Ryan Gosling and even told her 1700 facebook followers to give him the number when he was in town for a movie. She was so mean to me, then came back to apologize only to kick me again a week later and now denies all the nasty stuff she said to me. I told her I was done because I couldnt handle the abuse but I miss her terribly. I care for alot and when the times were good we fine, but then its like she just changed and was mean in general. Yelling at hostess, putting down all her friends and spouses, ect. She even smacked me and threatened to call the cops. I dont understand any of this behavior. the worst part is she acts like it never happened and when I finally get mad she looks at me like Im not normal. How can I be with all this. Any advice would be appreciated.