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Help! my husband goes soft during intercourse

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My husband and I used to have sex all the time but now I am lucky if I get it 2 or 3 times a year. And when we do try husband has no problem staying hard during oral sex, or if I masterbate him but almost immediately upon entering me he goes completely soft. He is in his late 40's and I am early 50's. I am physically fit and as many people say I look like I am in my late 30's or early 40's. He just seems to have no desire at all and it is driving me crazy. He went to the doctor on my request and everything checks out normal. I have found though that he is going onto porn sites and seems to prefer the large ladies and "mature" women sites. What gives with that? I tried to talk to him about it a couple of times but he is not forthcoming with any answers. I don't want to cheat but I don't want to be living life as a roommate or nun. HELP
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replied December 1st, 2009
You must talk with ur hubby. actually its his problem. i dont think that there is any problem with his sex strength. coz u said that, he is fine when u masterbate him. i think there is a problem within his mind and thinking. if he is not helping himself than i think u should think about desire. tell him to masterbate u. then u can understand, if he still interested on u or not.
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replied December 10th, 2009
Experienced User
Totally his problem. some men do not get aroused by real woman, just woman on the internet or the mags. My old boyfriend was like that. I felt horrible but later realized it was more than just him. buy you some toys
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replied December 10th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
When you say he went to a doctor and everything checks out, did he go to a urologist? What tests were run? Was he given a referral to a psyhologist or a blue-pill perscription?
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replied December 11th, 2009
rediculous advice hes getting up there in years so the stamina may be lagging you may be trying at bad times of day like 2am he may not be enjoying the positions, you may not be encouraging him enticing him sexually enough we dont know from your short statement do you instigate or just lay on the bed and say time to do me hes had puss by 40 what 2-3 thousand times the 1-2 times a year is a obvious problem if not an outright exageration he could be cheating he could have heart problems or genital he might just not be feeling you sexually anymore most likely its either medical or you just arent doing the work to intice him or hes cheating he should have his heart testosterone and testicles checked also his thyroid
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replied December 12th, 2009
Experienced User
He may be in a lot of stress also when a man get into "certain age" their stiffness is not as before, and you need to know that, if you guys are in the middle age group, he needs to check his testosterone levels, usually some viagra (or any of this kind of medictions) for sometime correct the problem and ,he goes back to normal, I think he was not too clear talking to his doctor because any doctor knows about the viagra trick and the testosterone levels. Go to another doctor. And maybe this is the way is going to be for now on.
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replied July 6th, 2010
not sure what "checks out normal" really means...? How is his overall health? Is he in shape? Any cardio? Sounds like he may have ED and doesn't want to admit it... and it also sounds like his libido is intact. I went through the same stage, and "preferred" oral sex, or at least that's what i was implying to my wife. In reality, I was a little ashamed I couldn't "finish". My solution? Improve my diet, lost some weight, exercised including cardio, off the booze, and if a smoker that's a problem too. there are OTC supplements he can try. Make sure his supplements include zinc, and two or three grams of an amino acid called L-arginine every day. Good under the covers is a benefit from having a healthy body. And finally, the pharmacy companies are really appreciative when we mention cialis... but the Rx should only be a part of the total picture. Much better to avoid cialis and just be healthy. And btw... the above helped me about 90%, so life is good yet once again!
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replied August 27th, 2010
I'm with you
My hub has the same problem; but loves phone sex and porn etc. The problem is with their ability to feel intimacy-- they don't like it. It's totally in his head, trust me. I feel your pain sister- it's a no-win situation for us!
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replied September 1st, 2010
Experienced User
well, if you are having that same problems, why not tell your husband to explore some foreplay techniques. you can find many ebooks on the web that you can use to help you out...my wife bought me one I enjoyed it
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replied November 23rd, 2010
Same boat. I want it, he does too, but he deflates..
I've decided sex just isn't worth the anxiety.
First it was me who wasn't so interested for the last couple years, now it's his physical problem.
I told him I think most of it is performance anxiety.. thinking he needs to satisfy me but he doesn't have to. I hate to get worked over and over for sometimes nearly an hour without an orgasm. .. Knowing full well he could easily have one himself if he entered and got off within a few minutes. So.. either that or nothing for either.
Both near 50.
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replied November 23rd, 2010
Community Volunteer
Hi momof2gramof2 and welcome to ehealth: You would be surprised at what you can do with sexual words of praise when he is near his height of ejaculation...Try doggy sex at the end of the bed with him standing on the floor and you in the crouching postition on the bed with your butt up in the air...Have him finger and lick you...Then lay the hot sexual words on...I mean really hot...What a stud he is and go from there...Tell him to pound you or whatever you want done Wink ...Believe me, it can work miracles....Good luck....

Caroline
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replied April 21st, 2011
Men at age 40 begin to naturally drop in their testosterone levels. The way a Urologist explained it is that men can go through what is referred to as male menopause. Also in time due to prolonged masturbation men grow what is like a "bond", if you will, with masturbation. This can be a problem of the same nature that you speak of. (the porn and no problems while masturbating). Here is a quick quiz for Low Testosterone.
1) do you have a decrease in libido (sex drive)?
2) do you have a lack of energy?
3) do you have a decrease in strength and/or endurance?
4) have you lost height?
5) have you noticed a decreased enjoyment in life?
6) are you sad and/or grumpy?
7) are your erections less strong?
Cool have you noted a recent deterioration in your ability to play sports?
9) are you falling asleep after dinner?
10)has there been a recent deterioration in your work performance?
Yes or No - Did you answer Yes to either question 1 or 7?
Yes or No - Did you answer Yes to at least three questions?

(if you answered yes to questions 1 or 7, or answered yes to any 3 questions, you may be suffering from Low Testosterone. Share your results with your doctor and ask about a simple blood test that can help better diagnose Low Testosterone and your treatment options.)

So could be a mixture of Low Testosterone and perhaps a Psychological problem. I hope this helps some.
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replied January 20th, 2013
i dont believe this because my bf is 16 and im 17 an this happend just last night
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replied January 20th, 2013
i dont believe this because my bf is 16 and im 17 an this happend just last night
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