I'm going through a break up with a guy I've been with for 2 years. He's Canadian and I'm British. I'm currently in the UK and have been here since the end of February. I had to leave our shared apartment, my job, my whole life..and now I'm living with my mum and sister.
I am so lonely. I feel like I have no one apart from my mum who really cares. My ex and I still talk occasionally but I don't know if it's out of habit or us just being lonely, rather than really still having the feelings there.
I've always loved being in relationships and hate being single. I love romance and feeling someone wrap their arms around you. I hate having no one to care for me. My ex told me he didn't love me anymore. 2 days previously, he'd told me he loved me. He changes his emotions depending on what I feel for him which makes it impossible to ever know what he feels. I feel betrayed but still drawn to him as he's my best friend and was a huge part of my life for 2 years.
I'm confused about what to do to get out of this black hole.
I want to travel to get away from everything but don't know where. I'm so confused about whether to go back to live in Canada or to stay in England and build up a life for myself here. I miss Canada and how no-one knew me, but I also missed my family so much. I just feel like I can be anyone over there, but now I'm home, I feel trapped in the UK. I am so confused about what would be best.
I know that I should avoid my ex and just get on with my life. But I have no one and it's horrible. It's not like I have friends to talk to about this. I'm 24 and feel like life is passing me by. I am not enjoying life living here and have horrible thoughts but could never act on them. I really don't know what to do to figure out what I want in life or how I can be happy. I feel like I've always been dissatisfied with my life, ever since I was 16/17.. I've always felt alone, like no one liked or understood me. That's why I escaped to Canada two years ago to just do something to get out of my depressed state. Now I feel like I'm back at square one and feel pressure to get a good career. But I can't even work out where I want to live or how to deal with being on my own. I just feel so lonely. Please help me.
My boyfriend and I broke up at the beginning of June, and I have also been pretty depressed since. I googled all kinds of things related to loneliness and breakups and that is how i stumbled upon your post.
I read your story and I wanted to tell you to hang in there! You are only twenty four and there is a great big world out there. If you want to travel, do it. Especially now that you have few ties. Take advantage of that freedom.
I still hurt, and I still get angry, and I still wish every single morning when I wake up that he would just call me. But I also learned a few things from this breakup. I learned that I have trouble expressing my emotions, and that I have very few people close to me. I learned to speak up for myself and to be honest, and not worry about being a perfect girlfriend or friend or daughter.
I try to put this into practice when I can. When I spend time with friends and family now, I try to let my guard down a little more and show them extra kindness and love. If I'm sad, I tell them honestly that I am, when I would have kept it to myself before so they wouldn't worry or judge me. And my other relationships are the stronger for it.
So my advice is to try to learn from this experience, and go have some adventure. I know its painful. I'm still hurting and I think I will for a while. But now I'm looking forward to the future, because life is too short and we might as well have some fun while we can.
I hope this helps, and I hope you find some peace of mind soon.
Sorry to see you're so down. Although you sound confused, within that message, I can see that you already have some of the answers to your problem.
I don't understand why your ex keeps changing his mind as to whether he loves you or not. Like you said, you should cut off from him. I know he was your best friend, but it doesn't seem like he is acting like one (whether that is intentionally, or unintentionally, I do not know).
Nevertheless, it does sound like you prefer life in Canada. I would suggest looking into which country offers you better job opportunities. Definitely move out from your mum and sister if you feeling "trapped". Pick a lively city. Go out, enjoy your life. If you have any uni or school friends, hang out with them. I have to say, I have felt like an outsider all my life, so I know how it feels like to have emotionally nobody close to.
If it was me, I would choose Canada over UK. better economy, and the guys on the other side of the Atlantic do seem more outgoing and forward. Maybe you and your ex can go back to being friends after this messy breakup.
Keep smiling, and try to find a new focus, or change of scenery- some distraction basically...
Some day all this pain will make sense- that's what I keep telling myself anyway