Okay, so here it goes, I need help

When I was 16, I started dating my husband, everything seemed great, I moved in with him a little after I turned 17 then a month later I was pregnant, which I thought was great at the time cuz I love kids and I always wanted kids. So we got married when my first son was about five months old. Marriage used to be great, of course, neither of us have ever been trusting, we are both insecure. He is always trying to start a fight and doesnt think that what hes doing should start a fight. right before our one year aniversary he got mad at me so he went out and started drinking, then when he came home it was worst, He acts like a four year old and cant talk when hes drunk, so I told him to leave, and he did, I didnt have a job at the time, Ive only ever worked at one place my entire life, because HE doesnt want me to work, so its hard for me to leave him, So my parents helped me out for about three months, then I started getting lonely, I was always depressed and bawling, I didnt have money, except what my parents were giving me and even if I had gotten a job I couldnt afford daycare, So the whole time he was gone, he wouldnt take our son, he always was drunk and would tell me he was out of town or something, then id drive by and of course it was a lie, he was just too drunk, he acts like I shouldnt get to have any fun or do anything, while he goes out and parties. He came back home after three months, and once again it was like nothing happened. and he promised he was done drinking, but a while after that once again he does it, I think he makes up reasons to get pissed off just so he can get away and go drink like he doesnt have any responsibilities And when we get in these fights he starts acting like I’m lazy because Im not working, yet if I even try to look for a job, he flips out, and the one job I did have I ended up quiting because he was there every hour checking up on me and Id come home and he would accuse me of flirting with other guys, and he even tried to accuse me of having sex with the mechanic at the gas station while I was at work! I always let these things go. He left again right after I left the job, so once again I was screwed, this time I went and wrote a check on the day he got his check direct deposited so he wouldn’t have money for alcohol, he was furious, about another month went by and I finally broke down and begged him to come back again and it was like it never happened. I feel like I rely on him and I am stuck in our marriage because I have nothing, So a couple months ago, we had our second son, and about three months after he was born-two months ago. He got pissed again, and took off with our oldest son, and I thought well they’ll be back in a couple hours, about 9pm they weren’t back so I was pissed I went to find them to get my son so we could go to bed, and I pull up where his van is and my son isn’t with him and hes drunk, I asked him where my son was and he said he was at our friends house, I went there and there was no one home, so I went and found him again, and he had blown a tire out on our new blazer we hadn’t had but maybe two months, and I made him get in the van and take me to where my son was, he took me out and got us both lost out in the country on a gravel road, I finally found my way back to the blacktop and went back home, (he was so drunk he thought we was in the blazer driving on a blown out tire, also couldn’t figure out how to open the van door to get out) So by the time we got back the people my son was with, were home, I went and got my son and he ran up to the door, making a big dramatic scene. When we got back to our house, he once again thought he was locked in the van, so I opened the door and told him you gota use a little force, because the door is hard to open, and he got out and said you want to see force and started slamming the door back and forth as hard as he could while both kids were still in the van, and put a dent in the fender and the door would no longer latch shut. So I got my phone and called 911, because he wouldn’t leave, then he started telling me I needed to hang the phone up, and started punching all the windows, and busted out my windshield. I talked to 911 and they told me to go to my parents until they arrived, I talked to them and apparently my husband was passed out on the floor and had the house destroyed when they got there, and he denied breaking the windshield, and because there was no marks on his hands they couldn’t do much. Well about three days later (we were staying at my parents) We ended up once again making up under the terms that we were gonna go to counseling… That NEVER happened. So Im back in the same spot now. We still fight constantly and I currently started going back to school for my second semester and he texts constantly and accuses me of cheating on him after school or even during school. And I want out so bad, I hate having to see my kids go through this, but I am so dependent on him, I don’t think I can do it. I don’t like being alone, its like he has me under a spell, and Im just stuck. My parents would do almost everything for me if I left, but they have enough of there own problems I don’t want to rely on them. So I just act like everything is fine. What can I do, I need to get out but with two kids theres just no way even with a job here I wouldn’t be able to afford daycare, most id make is probably MAYBE 8.00/hr. Any suggestions? Sorry I know this is all over the place and confusing, but its just hard to write over three years. Basically he is emotionally abusing me, he has never hit me, although I have him, I even broke his nose last time we got in a fight with my knee. He does the same Thing everytime, he thinks of something small and stupid to get mad about and then goes to a friends and gets drunk, comes home and we fight, he leaves, then a couple days later im desperate, because I cant be alone, then he tells me hes done drinking, and a couple months later, does it again. The big thing is... In between these fighting, drinking spouts, We are like the brady bunch,Perfect, and happy, the family I always dreamed id have. I just wish it would stay like that. I feel like he wishes he were a teenager again, and regrets everything. He gets tired of our family and marriage, and decides he needs to go party.