I don't know what to do about my alcoholic boyfriend of 5 years. He is an educated professional that I met in my last year of University. When we were dating, I did not really notice the drinking as we lived in 2 separate cities and if we went out for dinner if he had a couple of drinks I did not really think much of it.
Six months into our relationship and he asked me to move in with him. I was ecstatic. I was deeply in love with him. We have similar interests, get along easily and I truly believe he is my soul mate. We are both educated, hard working professionals.
The first year of our relationship was really hard as I noticed he would drink every night. I was constantly worried about him, would pick him up from work parties and be scared that he would drink and drive. Three years into our relationship he told me he had been doing cocaine behind my back for three years. I was so upset as I was working two jobs to help him pay the bills. I felt angry, used and lonely. I did not know what to do. He stopped doing cocaine as I told him if he ever did cocaine again I would leave him.
I talked to his parents( who live in a different city), pleaded with them to talk to him, get help but they were in denial themselves and did not think anything was wrong. His mother even told me, its okay if he drinks two beers its no big deal why are you calling him an alcoholic? ( although her spouse is one as well). This went on for two more years. His stepfather, sister and brother in law are also alcoholics and most of their family gatherings revolve around all them smoking, doing dope and drinking together. I feel very uncomfortable when Im in that environment as well. His mom often gives him money as well when he cant make ends meet or needs money for alcohol. She enables him and always rescues him when he is in trouble.
I pleaded with him to go for meetings, seek counseling and get help, he would go to one or two meetings here and there when I got really mad at him. However he does not go on a regular basis. He is a functioning alcoholic, has a good job and does not drink or drive. He has a lot of friends that like to drink and smoke weed too, so it does not help the situation when he hangs around them.
He is not violent or moody when he drinks. He just shuts down and does not talk to me. He just sits on the couch and watches T.V.I feel very lonely as often I eat dinner alone or go out with my friends or family events by myself. When he is sober he is the most, loving, caring and wonderful person in the world. He treats me well never yells or hits me. He does not have a single mean thing to say about me.
He went to a 3 week rehab program 6 months ago. He initially did really well, working out and taking care of himself but he quickly reverted to his old behaviors of drinking 3-5 times a week, not going to meetings and not following through with the strategies he learned in rehab .I have a feeling he just went for me and truly not for himself.
I am at the end my rope here. Im tired of not having a fully satisfying relationship with him. He treats me well but I am not truly happy in this relationship. I am tired of the lies, the repeated let downs, the constant worry and anxiety that his drinking plays in my life. I feel like I am putting my life and dreams on hold for him while he is just dragging me down.
I am tired of giving him so many chances. Do I stick it out or move on with my life.? Please help.