Depression Forum - Help I had an unvoluntary gay experience!

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Have you ever had an unvoluntary gay experience?

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Total Votes : 5

Q: Help I had an unvoluntary gay experience!

asked by: Sharpeyes on September 10th, 2008

New User

Here I am another sleepless night because when I close my eyes my skin crawls from it remembering an unvoluntary gay experience.

3 months ago I went out with who I thought was a friend to go drinking, then afterwards we go back to watch a movie, now you can already see where this went but to be an innocent of the ah Gay world I didn't see it happening. You think gays are these stereotypical flamboyent extroverts but this guy was right out of the blue! A true closet gay! Caught me off guard.

Anyway with the help of the alcohol in my system, he easily broke down my resistance and I wasn't in the state of mind to stop him and it lead to him giving me oral sex.

Throughout the whole time I wished it was a girl, but was life scarring was when he started humping my leg like a dog when he thought I was asleep. (Shudder).

Why didn't I stop him? I've pondered that over and over again, and I think the reason was I wanted to avoid the conflict

This ordeal has made me resent both Gays and Indians.

I do know one thing though how ungay I am because I can't shake this horrible memory.

What scares me is that I'm tainted and it may be a reason for a girl not to date me.

Whats even more screwed up is I let this person do these things because I was lonely and he flattered me terribly and to an extent felt good but weird.

The only way to counter these memories is porn. Which I feel guilty for watching too often.

The other thing that bothers me is this incident was totally Karma because I had an ex gf who was a rape victim who I had sex with but turns out she didn't want it but wanted to please me in order to give her a shred of confidence of me adoring her.

I'll stop there, because thats another story.

If anyone has any comment on how to cope with this or a similar ordeal to make me feel like not the only guy who feels like prey for the gay please reply.

Anonymous Guy

Replies(7)

Fairy Godmother

replied on September 10th, 2008

Supporter

First, just because you had an experience (resulting from alcohol) with another guy, does not give you the right to bash and say the nasty negative things you said. As for resenting people of Indian decent and people who are gay, thats just narrow minded. I almost did not repond, but I felt I needed too. You may need professional counceling or therapy to get you over your ordeal. Porn is not the answer to anything......... its like pulling a mask over your face. You need to face reality and go on with your life. But not with the attitude you now have because of something that happened from you drinking. Maybe this is a wake-up call to stop drinking?

brookeelizabeth

replied on September 12th, 2008

New User

you need to except it. point blank. and then you can move on. it happened and theres nothing you can do about that. i think you are over annalysing iit all, that has nothing to do with your ex gf...and porn is not going to help. so just come to terms with it.

harmony1

replied on September 15th, 2008

Supporter

I agree. You'll see that with time you'll erase that from your memory. I used to be a little like you. When people would make a move on me when i was younger I would just go along with it even if I didn't really want to. It has a lot to do with self confidence. What you should've done is stood up for yourself and gently let the guy down. You don't need to please others hun, you need to do whats best for yourself. Get tharapy if you feel you need it otherwise just let it go from your mind and then it's just a memory and then it will become just a faded memory.

atusas

replied on October 21st, 2008

Experienced User

involuntary gay experience

hate to say it but there obviously was a part of you that went along with it. many people use alcohol as the excuse for their resistance breaking down but they also say alcohol is a truth serum. think about it.

Marianne0558

replied on October 21st, 2008

Supporter

Re: involuntary gay experience

atusas wrote:

I totally agree with you!!!!

I think perhaps this was wanted subconsciously.
My reasons:
First you said it was involuntary due to alcohol inhibition.
"with the help of the alcohol in my system, he easily broke down my resistance and I wasn't in the state of mind to stop him and it lead to him giving me oral sex."
Obviously you were able to think.
"Throughout the whole time I wished it was a girl"
Why didn't you stop him?
"I think the reason was I wanted to avoid the conflict"

Then you go on to say, "Whats even more screwed up is I let this person do these things because I was lonely and he flattered me terribly and to an extent felt good but weird."

You give many 'excuses' as to why this happened. It's not wrong to be gay.
From what you have said, I gather that deep down, you wanted this and now you are having a hard time dealing with the fact that you liked it.

onelass

replied on July 25th, 2009

New User

humans are sexual.
humans make mistakes.
forgive him.
forgive yourself.
ask to be forgiven.
just say no.
listen when others say no.
explore your spirituality.
try to grow and learn from the experience.
porn is poisonous.
gay is just another way.
Indian is just another race.
you have a choice.
choose healthy, choose happy.

anonymuss

replied on September 10th, 2009

New User

Just because you had sexual contact with another male doesn't mean your gay, need counseling or any other form of "help." Instead you need to accept the fact that it happened. If you liked it. You liked it. If you didn't; Then you didn't. BUT. Doesn't mean you wouldn't like it from someone else! Learn your boundaries. Stand up for yourself. Let it be known to whoever you let do something to you; That you will only go so far and you dont want to return the favor. As others have said; Let it go and it'll turn into a memory. Just remember what i said about your boundaries and when you say no; Let them know you mean no and if its just oral sex you want; Make it known before the zipper comes down! Good luck to you and remember; Having sexual contact with another male doesn't make you gay. Its just friends helping friends out Smile

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