Help. I feel so alone... I don't know what to do?

Hey, I'm a girl.. 19 years old, graduated high school, and living in a small town in Australia. I doubt if people will take the time to read this. But if you do read this then cheers, you've really made my day. I'll try to make it brief...

My family is going through stress. My grandma is in hospital with a serious condition, and we also just found out my dad has serious heart conditions (my dads pretty old). I only have one sister and shes 2 years older than me. My mum is stressing out about everything, with financial difficulties, grandma, my dad. My mum and dad fight everyday over the lack of money. My sister goes to university but whines that mum and dad dont give her enough money to "Help her out"(shes a spoiled brat). My dad stresses as well. He screams obscenities over EVERY little thing, and my mum hates that. My dads anger is probably the result of his heart condition.

I'm just tired of the same old routines. I have only 2 friends left. And I'm so scared I'm going to lose them too. But the problem is.. I'm a needy person. I need love from people I need to hear "I love you". And I'm so damn sad... I need someone to just listen to me. I wish I could just sit down and really talk to someone without time limits or interruptions... but I cant because my 2 friends are also, both depressed. So we agree not to burden each other with our own problems. It would just make things worse for us.


My best friend is a guy, (let's call him Chuck) Although he lives in a different country, we've known each other for 5 years and we talk through phone, msn, skype etc. He has soo many problems with his own life (it'd be another story just to tell his side, so I wont) But he has no family (all of them have passed on) so he lives alone but he also has heart problems. He said he wants to come to Australia to just escape from all of his problems for a while. I told him that would be good for him and me. But he's been saying he's going to come here for over 6 months now... yesterday he said to me "I'm packing my stuff". yeah, he said that 2 months ago too. I don't question anything anymore, I just ignore it all. Because I know so much is ridiculous if I did question things, I'd be physically exhausted.

My other friend lives in the same state. Luckily I can hang out with her. But the problem is, I hardly get to. She lives an hour away from me. And shes got her own problems. Lately shes on anti-depressents too. Everything in my life is so flippin depressing, even the people I turn to are depressed! which makes me feel more like !**@! because I don't want to burden them with my stupid problems. And I know they couldn't handle more of that themself anyway.

I've lost all sense of direction... I'll tell you a secret. I use to have a crush on Chuck. I really fell hard for him. Because he and I have everything in common (and when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING) from favorite foods to favorite music. But I figured he was too involved with that other girl (even though she cheated on him) that he wouldn't even notice me, even though he says he needs me all the time. He literally, calls me every single day just to talk. But anyway, I have no crush on him anymore... well no. Because I realized he wouldn't ever love me more then just a close friend. He loves this other girl thats so bad to him.. he cries ALL THE TIME because of her. And he comes to me for help all the time.

Anyway, I just lost everything. I've become indifferent about life. I have no plans for life, I just take it as it comes. I only have dreams. I have dreams to travel the world. But my parents pressure me to go to university to get "real" dreams.

I've been told "why don't you just go out and have fun?" Because nobody understands that I do actually try to "have fun". Nothing I do feels fun to me anymore. I don't find fun in just going out and socialising. I feel this black hole in me and it can never be filled no matter how hard I try. Whether I'm surrounded by a bunch of people or not. I still feel isolated and lonely. I feel sad all the time.

My fingers hurt from typing. I have so much more to say but I give up. Nobody will read this. If you do then all I can say is wow, you have no idea how much it helps me just to know somebody read this. You must be a really nice person.