I have been spending a lot of time with a man I truly love & have known for at least 5 years. We've dated, been just very close friends, lived together as both friends & lovers.I can see he is genuinely a good man inside, but very messed up now.
He is 48 yo. We have been intimate many times depending on his flux in mood. He flip flops between "hot for me" & distancing himself (almost like he's trying to deny his feelings for me).We are quite a match & share many, many things, get a long well regardless of the situation. He knows what we have, admits he's scared & has been reluctant to take things to the next stage because he can't provide now & doesn't know what he wants & "has been trying to figure things about".
A few months ago he had some major revelations (I think in a way I was a catalyst because I made him think & feel again & offered hope if he did the work).
He has been very open with me & I seem to be the only one in his life that has been there for him this way.His family & kids love him, but they are clueless & complain he is moody & needs to get it together.They are in denial & aren't seeing the whole picture & can't see that they need to educate themselves in order to help him.
Now it's like he sabotages our relationship & pushes the idea of it being more away. He says I'm not his girlfriend, but his actions indicate something more is there.
He has even made his kids & family think negatively of me at times & admitted it to me later when he realized it was to do with him & his own guilt, behaviors & anger.
He is going through a lot, has admitted somethings been wrong for a long time & that he needs help/meds.I have totally supported him & advocated for him to get that help for himself. We have gone to the VA for benefits & an initial interview with 3 doctors & are scheduled for further appts so he is awaiting being diagnosed with bipolar(?) threw the VA.Things got delayed with the weather, scheduling around the holidays. That is a shame because he really needs help now.
He has made some really bad decisions that have created a trickle down/snowball effect & says he has hit bottom.
His moods are erratic & he acts irresponsible about paperwork, appts, job searches, bills etc... He drinks & smokes pot & usually he acts better when he does that. When he's UP- he talks fast at times,is very funny & opens up more emotionally. He is usually doing something to stay busy & really enjoys his accomplishments when he does follow threw.He says he has problems with talking himself out of things & the follow threw part of things.He definitely makes more progress if I'm there doing things with him. he will sit at home & not want to go anywhere.If I get him to go somewhere he usually makes a comment afterward about how he's glad he went, he feels better.He has health issues (?, expresses worried thoughts & then denies he's scared.Countless examples.....
He lost his job, might lose his home that he loves,owes everybody including taxes, has depression, has very little income, doesn't eat or sleep well, lost his license to DWI because he loves to get drunk at bars the second he gets any money,throws caution to the wind sometimes, sometimes drives anyway knowing he may be jailed,has no phone access unless he goes somewhere or someone shows with a cell phone, says he really likes me, cares about me & acts like he does, but can't commit or have a girlfriend. He also denies that he loves me, says that it scares him to death & I'm so close to his life he feels vulnerable, yet we remain super close & he says I'm the person that has really helped him with everything & that any man in his right mind would want to marry me.
The messages are all very confusing & especially about the love part because he also admitted to another friend that he purposely doesn't tell me he loves me-well then I wonder if that's hard for him if he has to purposely not tell me.
The other night there was an incident at his house that was weird & unnecessary involving his ex wife & kids & she was out of line & twisted things, saying I made their daughter cry & I never did anything to her, but the ex knew he would get mad at me if she made him believe I did something wrong to his angel.
An issue about our relationship came up & I got mad & it was between him & I.I needed to stand up for myself about things, told him I would talk with him later because it didn't involve them & somehow they got involved & things blew up as something I did wrong-when I did nothing wrong to anyone. He ended up losing his temper & taking it out on me.
Afterward,he tried to be mean & push me away by denying everything between us, didn't want to talk or man up & I let him have it, gave him a run down of what he has done, said he's overwhelmed, possibly bipolar & told him he's mad at himself. He blew up, was very disrespectful & got violent, but didn't actually carry threw with the punch he was threatening.
I wonder how he felt the next morning about what happened & haven't spoken to him since.I strongly feel I deserve an apology & that he needs the help now, not 2 weeks from now. The only way i can help him is to go to his house & ask him to let me take him to urgent care, but if he's mad at me or shunning me away, he probably wont go or want my help. He may back down from getting the help, continue self medicating, get suicidal &/or make excuses for not getting there if I'm not there to bring him to the appointments. They are each an hour away, no one will take him & he doesn't have a phone either???? What should i do, any ideas. Is there anyone out there?