I don't even know if I would call it Depression. For a long time now, years, I have been feeling horrible. I know it is common for all humans to feel depressed at one time, but, I feel worthless and like a piece of dirt. I understand that I have horrible self-esteem, if any. I am a 22 year old male in College. I have a mother, father, and one younger brother. I feel as if I failed my parents in this lifetime. I know they perceive me as the "Weak, mentally messed up, lonely, failure of a Son". It's the truth of reality, I'm not ignorantly blissful enough to not realize this. My brother is excelling in College and has a girlfriend, while I spend nights alone. I have always had somewhat of a low self-esteem and I am, I believe, somewhat of a masochist. I am fighting REALLY hard to battle these feeling of worthlessness, hopelessness, and sadness. I am finding it extremely difficult. This is starting to interfere with my normal life. My grades are suffering and so are my interactions with the people around me. I feel so lost. Where can I turn? No one understands right now. If I told my father this, he would say that I am a "confused lost little faggott who should kill himself".
Should I go to a therapist? A psychiatrist? Should I battle this on my own? How did the our ancestors battle depression with none of the medications we have today? I DO NOT want to be medicated and become a mindless drone, but I feel as if I'm losing my sanity.
dear the best thing is to start going to a therapist he or she would tell you all the tricks how o fight it before it get wores. and i hope you wont use any medication.
you are a sweet smart guy but because of your depression your grades are affected because you can not concentrate and because of your depression you canot go along with people believe me once you feel better every thing will get better.
you are never a failure you spell better then i am if you were you would never make it all the way to college. and your not worthless. you are very important to your family and community and to every one els. and your not messed up its all because of this period of time your facing other wise you would be like a shining star.
lonelyness is what most people suffer from and am one of them. but i try to do stuff keep my self busy to get rid of it.
You really need to talk to a therapist. You have a lot of self-esteem issues that you just can't deal with on your own. First you are going to need to get to the root of the problem and take it from there. Sometimes these feelings could be from a chemical imbalance or just genes, but sometimes they are from years of mental abuse which is the same thing as being put down or bullied. Does any of this sound familiar to you? The reason I ask is because of the way you mentioned that your father would react to you if you told him how you felt. That is a concern to me.