help for depression and anxiety

i had a run in the past where i was using cocaine for around 4 months
i also had a bad ecstacy trip around 3 years that i feel i didnt ever overcome ,i lost control of everything and became paranoid and started having panic attacks during my drug days,since then i never been the same ,some times i just want to scream uncontrolably ,i dont feel connected with reality i start to have racing thoughts,some times i feel like im about to burst out yelling and breaking stuff and that i dont wanna live any more i dont know where i am or who am i ,i feel scared and nervous all the time i start to shake and get paranoid ,a few months ago i had a nervous breakdown because of this and i was given haldol(worst experience ever) the haldol made me go crazy i started screaming and crying i thought something took over my body it was horrible ,i was put in to a mental institution where i was diagnosed with bi-polar(which i think i a joke)the only reason im depressed is because im so scared,paranoid and have anxiety,im on 3 medicines,KLONOPIN,zyphrexa and lamictal,but im loosing it and i feel like im gonna hurt some one or myself because im not in control any more its like somebody is controlling me a deamon or something ,everything is making me scared and nervous ,everything i do i dont know what to do.im depressed and scared,everytime im out the smalest things could make me nervous and then i feel like im about to cry,i dont know what life is or what people are im delirious and confused i dont know what to do