i had a run in the past where i was using cocaine for around 4 months
i also had a bad ecstacy trip around 3 years that i feel i didnt ever overcome ,i lost control of everything and became paranoid and started having panic attacks during my drug days,since then i never been the same ,some times i just want to scream uncontrolably ,i dont feel connected with reality i start to have racing thoughts,some times i feel like im about to burst out yelling and breaking stuff and that i dont wanna live any more i dont know where i am or who am i ,i feel scared and nervous all the time i start to shake and get paranoid ,a few months ago i had a nervous breakdown because of this and i was given haldol(worst experience ever) the haldol made me go crazy i started screaming and crying i thought something took over my body it was horrible ,i was put in to a mental institution where i was diagnosed with bi-polar(which i think i a joke)the only reason im depressed is because im so scared,paranoid and have anxiety,im on 3 medicines,KLONOPIN,zyphrexa and lamictal,but im loosing it and i feel like im gonna hurt some one or myself because im not in control any more its like somebody is controlling me a deamon or something ,everything is making me scared and nervous ,everything i do i dont know what to do.im depressed and scared,everytime im out the smalest things could make me nervous and then i feel like im about to cry,i dont know what life is or what people are im delirious and confused i dont know what to do
You sound like you can really use some out patient help here. Continuous theropy IMHO is needed. You sound like you should be monitered more often with this. This pretty much corrilates with with a severe manic depression. Some do well with just medication. And there are those that need numerous theropy along with it. You need to seek a good theropist ASAP. Especially if you feel you could be a threat to yourself or others. That is serious and needs attention now.
Your only hurting yourself by not confiding in him. He can't treat what he does not know about you. Your going to have to open up so you can get the proper help. That's the only way. You need to have a well mind to have a well body.
Why would you be afraid to tell your therapist? That's the only way you can get better. Anyway, isn't that what you're paying him for? To hear your problems and make you better? You have the responsibility to be honest, and he has the responsibility to do everything in his power to make you better. That's how it works. You do your part, and you can hold him accountable for his part.