So about 7 months ago I split with my partner of 9 years. The split was amicable and we're still good friends. I was quite vulnerable after the split as I had been with him since I was 19 and never lived alone before or pretty much done anything alone before.
A male friend persued me very intensely. He made me feel so special like I had never before. he's in a band he and he wrote a song about me. I was very flattered. i went to his house and there was image stuck on his ocffe table (I am a model and performer), also a life size poster of me in bedroom. He even had my stage name tattooed on his bum! I was blown away and it hindsight should have may be been a little scared. But I was flattered no one had ever admired me so intensely.
We started sleeping together but I refused to get in to a relationship as I was cared I would get hurt. I kept him at arms length and maintained control. Then he told me he loved. At this point I melted. It was the best sex i've ever had and we had such a strong connection. Then the day I said I love you too and agreed to give the relationship a go things all changed.
He became distant and grumpy and started putting other things before me and the time we spent together. I found out he had bipolar but made the descision to stick it out through the bad times. At this time he stopped taking his medication and we were both going through a stressful time as we were both performing at fairly prominient music festival. After the few days at the festival I told him I think he had been taking me for granted and I think we needed some space to decide what we wanted.
After a week we went out for dinner and decided to give things a real go. For months we were happy, he constantly told me he loved, i was amazing, i was his best friend and no woman has ever understood him like me. he went on new medication and he was just brilliant. He even asked me to move in with him.
Fast forward 3 weeks. We went away for the weekend for one of my gigs and I felt the same distance as before, again he stopped takings his meds. Tuesday morning he texts me saying i'm wonderful and that he loves and can't wait to see me tonight. I go to his house he barely speaks to me. Wednesday I phone him at work and say we need to talk and can he come around to my place that evening. he agrees but later wont come. I call him Thursday I say we really need to talk, he's distant on the phone but agrees, he says he will call me after work. he doesn't. I went around to his house and let myself in he was asleep in bed! I woke him up and we spoke. I asked him out right "do you love me?" to which he replies "No, I don't think I do"!
Friday he came to pick up his stuff and we ended up in a huge fight. I asked him when he started having doubts he replied a few weeks ago. I asked him then why did you ask me to move in. He couldn't answer me, he can't explain why all of sudden he stopped loving me. It ended badly with him storming out and seriously contemplating suicide ( I found out later he had gone somewhere to kill himself).
A few hours aleter i'm upset and end up crashing my car. he runs to my aide and we end up having a calm chat and saying goodbye properly. Since then he's actually bought me a new car as mien was a right off.
But I'm just confused how someone who loved me so intensely can just wake up oen day and not love me. I feel humilated for being sucked in by this whirlwind, but yet I can't hate him becasue I know he's sick.
I feel so lost and scared and we live in a small town so there is no avoiding him. I just have never experienced pain like this. when will it go away?