Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

heartbroken after being cheated on after 9 years

I cant eat, I cant drink, I cant sleep and when I do sleep I dont want to wake up. My heart is breaking...one minute I feel stronger and the next weak. My partner of 9 years became distant and treated me badly for a month between april/may, i knew something was wrong and by the end of may I had found out that he had slept with a girl from his work.Im only 24 and he is only 25 but we have been through alot together and I really do love him to bits. I also found loads of messages he had sent her and his phone bill was over £100 due to text messages he sent her.Ive never felt more low.I feel alone, used, ashamed and hurt.He sent her messages saying he was breaking up with me and that he had feelings for her.She said she was getting back with her boyfriend.I wasnt supposed to find out, but my detective work helped and I did. he said he loved me and wanted to work it out.i spent two weeks with my sister...in a daze....crying.
I recieved phone calls from him that were nasty and he seemed to have no remorse.he wanted to know what was happening with our flat e.t.c.after two weeks i came home, he stayed a few nights on the couch after being out..prob with her.I found pictures of her and his other friends on his phone and he still said he hadnt seen her.he said he wanted a second chance and to work things out.he hugged me, kissed me and then hugged me all night.told me he loved me and was sorry.then we had sex and fell asleep together.in the morning we didnt really speak and he got up and got dressed.he said he did want to try and work things out.ive not heard much over the past few days and he had addmitted his head is very mixed up.im so confused,..i cant eat or sleep, im boerd, im a mess and i feel as though im going insane....i need help and i feel so alone.....i dont know what to do.
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First Helper worrywart01
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replied June 5th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
9 years is a long time, i cant imagine how you must be feeling right now...but you DO NOT deserve to be pushed aside while he has his fling..though maybe you two are at a point in your relationship that you need a break...you've been dating since what 16? And to not know anything different besides each other, maybe he's just confused as to what he wants...if its meant to be you two will get back together..but i think for now, trying to hold on to him won't help...a break sounds like its needed...i personally have always told myself as well that if i caught my bf cheating...that would be something i NEVER tolerated...bc trust is something hard to get back once its lost...I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, but keep your head up and know that you deserve to be treated MUCH better than that..if he were interested in another girl he should have been man enough to break it off with you before cheating...i know not much helps right now but stay strong
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replied June 5th, 2008
Experienced User
we've all been through it, but at least you found out early due to detective work. my bf of 2 1/2 years cheated on me a lot and I didn't find out until after the relationship was over. 9 years is a long time, but you should pack up your or his things and keep moving on, try not to ponder it too much, and you have a right to be disgusted with him..just put it into your head that you are better off without him and move on, thats what i did and i'm better off now than when i was with my ex pondering on what he was doing all the time...you guys just need to seperate, and if he trys to come back to you, take it slow. just stay stong and get out there and enjoy your single life. your still a young independant woman. best of luck.
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replied September 8th, 2008
Experienced User
and my family case..
my sister was married to this guy for 10+ years, i think 11. then he got wif some prostitute and then she decided to divorce coz he kept taking her money for years and she wanted to get back at him by dating another guy (b4 divorce), then he went all abusive and stuff..so she finaly decide to divorce..

and my other sister.. 6 yrs perhaps... also div..husband cheated..

and me i dunno what im doing, all these is a big carving into my heart.. pain.. i feel i m losing myself. i get cheated, forced sex with guys who had gf's, taken advantage... so what if i found real love (2 guys) at 22 im still labeled by worrywart as a moral-less person and scolded.. and how many times i did it with my exes is a bit too much..i seem to yield too much to guys...coz im really scared..my mum tinks im stupid coz im weak.. i got an ab at 18 yr old too.. everything is jus a shame in my life..

maybe i shud just quit this forum..maybe its not for me..i m not from the us or uk..
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replied September 8th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
??? don't go talking about me in other threads saying I have labeled you when I have done no such thing...I dont appreciate it
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replied September 8th, 2008
Experienced User
and neither do i hahah
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replied July 7th, 2009
i was dating my bf for three years in the last year it got bad he wouldnt come home he would hit me , id beg for him to spend time with me but he was to busy we lived togeather and i would never see him . i moved out it was off and on but he said he wanted to work on things but he would always go back to being meen. i loved him so much i couldnt say good bye. in the end of summer things were going well and his mom phoned me and said that he had been in a car crash , i got to the hospital in a panic and when i seen him he was on life support and in a coma . I left my job lost my place had to move in with his parents.a month after i was with him every day one of his friends told me his girl friend would be showing up at that moment i couldnt breath .she came said they had been dating for months , i almost left but didnt ,i cant leave i stayed two months later after not eating or sleeping he woke up and said hey butiful io cryed it was un real he made a pretty good recovery and came home. he was differnt very meen and mixed up but i loved him and was forving him then i found out there were2 more girls it hurt so bad but i loved him in oct i was at work and i went blind and def i took a cab to the hospital i phoned him he was to bust with someone to come i dont have any family the next day i found out i had a rare dedly disise i was deiing while in the hospital he would come once a week , months later i got to go home only for awile he statred hitting me and not coming home he later told me he was sleeping with a married woman i left. i cant let go i love him ,how could he do this to me i call him and hes with other girls my heart breaks i dont want to die alone
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replied July 7th, 2009
Supporter
Oh Honey-you aer not alone..You have this site and I am here..Please talk with me..My name is KD and I am a grandmother..Can you tell me what is going on with oyu? WHat have you been diagnosed with and have the doctors given you a time frame? What are you going through? DO oyu have ayone close to oyu? kd
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replied July 8th, 2009
i have sever aplastic anemia but theres other problems.i cant find a bone marrow match too. its my only chance im scared and my family is not around and bf left me .im so lost
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replied December 28th, 2009
lost damn
well you're not the only one i dated a boy 4 1 year and he told me that he wants to marry another girl i was very shoked so i traveled , there i met a french guy , then i wasn't ready to date but he convinced me to so i did it , and i was thinking he's gonna help me , but once he went to france he became too different , i called him several times and he wasn't talking to me good last 3 times i called him he cut-off the line.i don't know what to do , it seems like every boy i meet leaves me like i'm crap.i started doing tough drogs because that seems the only thing that can help i'm really lost
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replied July 22nd, 2010
Cheated by Her
I met this Girl in another conuntry, started with casual which turned slowly to serious one. She also told me about her boy friend with him she broke immediatley. Life went on for 1.5 hours and suddenly I found her sleeping with another man - i spied upon her and now I know she found out another man after start of our relationship. I forced her to accept everything and now she do not want to leave him nor me. I offered her that if she is only interested in Sex, i can not fulfill that , as my body has stopped responding to her. She need sex as well as want to have the normal relationship again. How to cope up with this? After trying every possible way of telling her that I can not accept her - i have told her that i have fatasy of 2 girls together to see her reactions - waiting for that. Any one ready to guide me on normal, regular path again. Please also note that I am already married and it was very clear to her from the beginning and another guy with whom she is sleeping is also married - so it is very difficult to draw any conclusion
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replied August 11th, 2011
my solution
i know how you feel. your love was probably true for him but he didnt see you in that way.

i used to have a love for a girl and i waited untill she felt the same. although we were good friends so i had little hope that she'd love me back. suprisingly she admitted her love for me unexpectedly. i was so happy i cried when i got home. but then 2 days later she felt very depressed to the point where she cried and i never knew why until she told me she wanted to break up with me. i never cried so much. we still are currently firends but often i can be hard on my self and not trust any one with any kind of love. i was heart broken for 1 year until i repaired it. i repaired my broken heart by making a promise to myself. "not to trust anyone with love any more and don't get personal with anyone" i figured if i do this no girl will ever want to bond with me and i wont ever want to bond with anyone else, so this will prevent me from finding love and becoming heart broken again. ive been fullfilling this promise for almost 6 months now and i feel as if ive lost all of my emotions. i find it hard to smile, i cant cry even though i have something to cry about, i get mad easily, and i can stay relaxed when ever i feel like it. i dont know if this is a good solution but please give me any thoughts.
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replied August 11th, 2011
i was like that too.i built a wall around myself i couldnt cry kept ppl at a distance.and then i found someone who saw me through all of that.he made me feel all the things i wasnt.like i meant something.and after more than 7 years he left me.i barely eat i hardly sleep.i cry everyday and i wake up crying too.i cant seem to help it.i feel like im going crazy.
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replied August 12th, 2011
but im trying to forget about her. i let work swallow my life since its the only thing that requires less thinking of her, but when i get home all i think about is her. all the good times we had together all ending with my broken heart. i know non of my friends understand me because they all want to have a good time with out any dramatic personal problems. i also wonder how she can still smile even after that one day. the way she broke up with me makes me love her even more. im confused please give me any answers.
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replied October 22nd, 2011
i'm in the same situation...my boyfriend of nine years left me 4 weeks ago and got his new gf pregnant...i dont have any family, friends or job...i feel very alone at the moment and i have two choices i can either give up or slowly claw my way out of this very deep hole...i'm going to choice to claw my way out..its hard because i know he loves the baby but would rather be having one with me...ive never been heartbroken before and still want him back...he just says he doesn't know..i'm grieving for our relationship at the moment but he hasn't given himself time to do that...no matter how hopeless i feel at the moment i feel comfort in the fact that when it hits him..i will be o.k by then...its just getting through now which is even worse than when my mom and dad died because i had him but now i have noone but i know it will get better...i just have to fight for myself and push myself. good luck to you
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replied October 23rd, 2011
BF cheated on me too ( found out 2 weeks ago). I found support and good reading at this address. please visit. it really helped me

big hugs to you .
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replied August 26th, 2012
Hi All!

I am a person whom does not like to admit to her feelings, and have been very successful so far. I have been able to push anyone at all that shows any interest in me, romantically. All has been going well with me. I am a great friend to hang around with, but I have always been afraid of being in love, get married, have kids and so on and so forth.

But now that I am older, I think I have fallen for a guy... We were working together on a project. And the thing is, I started out hating his ass! But my feelings grew as he tries to change himself as I tell him that you could be nicer and maybe sweeter and maybe change your hairdo... and all that crap. As he changed, I can't stop thinking about him. Is this an infatuation, love? or just a crush?

Another complication is, as he does all these things for me... I myself try to change all of the things that he finds 'could improve' in me. Our relationship is that we both try to mask our feelings by using sarcasm and irritate each other, but it is kinda obvious to the people around us that we have a thing for each other.

Our project together has just ended, and in our last exchange he said I can't believe how happy you are now that we have come to an end. I said, "well, what do you want me to say?" (common exchange between us). His response was "you could say, well I wish that you would come again to sit with me so that we can work together more... I wish you would say that you'd miss me". And my idiotic response to his confession was "I was just about to say that, you took the words right out of my mouth". How F***** up am I??? I am kicking myself now.

The thing is, at the same time... He tells me that he has a girlfriend.... ???? But he gets pissed when I speak to other men...??? He would glance from a distance and become real cold afterwards...

Does he like me? What is this feeling, that I am feeling?? It's just too foreign?? It comes up in my dream, I miss his presence. But ever since he left, I would try to make reasons for us to correspond on the email...

I AM REALLY DAZED AND CONFUSED! Please HELP!!
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replied August 26th, 2012
911 please someone help me
Hi All!

I am a person whom does not like to admit to her feelings, and have been very successful so far. I have been able to push anyone at all that shows any interest in me, romantically. All has been going well with me. I am a great friend to hang around with, but I have always been afraid of being in love, get married, have kids and so on and so forth.

But now that I am older, I think I have fallen for a guy... We were working together on a project. And the thing is, I started out hating his ass! But my feelings grew as he tries to change himself as I tell him that you could be nicer and maybe sweeter and maybe change your hairdo... and all that crap. As he changed, I can't stop thinking about him. Is this an infatuation, love? or just a crush?

Another complication is, as he does all these things for me... I myself try to change all of the things that he finds 'could improve' in me. Our relationship is that we both try to mask our feelings by using sarcasm and irritate each other, but it is kinda obvious to the people around us that we have a thing for each other.

Our project together has just ended, and in our last exchange he said I can't believe how happy you are now that we have come to an end. I said, "well, what do you want me to say?" (common exchange between us). His response was "you could say, well I wish that you would come again to sit with me so that we can work together more... I wish you would say that you'd miss me". And my idiotic response to his confession was "I was just about to say that, you took the words right out of my mouth". How F***** up am I??? I am kicking myself now.

The thing is, at the same time... He tells me that he has a girlfriend.... ???? But he gets pissed when I speak to other men...??? He would glance from a distance and become real cold afterwards...

Does he like me? What is this feeling, that I am feeling?? It's just too foreign?? It comes up in my dream, I miss his presence. But ever since he left, I would try to make reasons for us to correspond on the email...

I AM REALLY DAZED AND CONFUSED! Please HELP!!
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replied August 26th, 2012
Community Volunteer
Hi dazedandconfused2 and welcome to ehealth: I don't know your ages, but I think there is something here...Pursue it...When you have this kind of heat that radiates without being touched, you want to find out why....Honey, go with it...You may or will be sorry if you don't.....I send you my best wishes...Take care...

Caroline
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replied August 26th, 2012
Dazedandconfused2

He has a girlfriend. END OF STORY.

Yeah, you're thinking, what if he leaves her for you...sure, that could happen. Ask yourself would you want to be in a relationship with someone who moves on when they think they've found greener pastures?

Now think about history will repeating itself when he hooks up with some other chick and leaves you for her. And it will happen because most people tend to stick to patterns that they've developed when it comes to relationships.
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replied January 21st, 2013
Broken promise!
High off life, barely even conscious.
Livin in a dream,
You forgot what my love's worth
What real love means.
Gave ya my heart, gave ya everythin.

Loved and respected you everyday
How could i know that the most simple girl in the world, would be awfull like this anyway?

You told me that i was your other helft.
But now there is nothin left.
I wont hurt you, cuz i'll hurt myself.

Treated you like a diamond you were all mine
Told me that your the angel at my shoulder.
But you did'nt do right.
My dream's are broken, tears are dry.
But i'll kiss you with a smile at the kissgoodbye.

Remember lady, i'll never forget you.
Now just hide.
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replied March 28th, 2013
We all know that broken heart is not easy and very depressing but things can change, it only takes time to move on. So when that time comes, go out and live your life. These recommendations for making it through a breakup can help you throughout a challenging time. It will help not only emotionally, but in a way that will keep you from overindulging in surviving a breakup.
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