I have bi-polar and borderline personality disorder. I dont get manic though. at least not like what they say I should. I never have much energy in fact I almost always feel either empty or angry.
I have in the past heard voices whispering at night, but i can never pick out what they say. I have an irrational fear of the dark, and I'm paranoid that someone is watching me always.
Recenetly in the past month or two I have started having hallucinations. Mild ones and my paranoia has been far worse. I hear the whispers from the shadows and I fear something in them is going to get me. When I try to sleep I cant just sit still cause I can feel things crawling on me. I see things out of the corner of my eye. I've noticed in the past couple of weeks I blank out for a split second. I stop moving, and for a moment its like i'm not here i'm not real.
I just dont feel right.
and no i'm not on meds or in therapy, that costs money. I dont have a job and my husband and I are just getitng by nowadays. So those things are just not easily achivable for me. Plus I have a BAD track record with meds, I dont take them long before I break down and stop. I havent told anyone about this not now, nor in the past I didnt want anyone saying i was more crazy then they thoguht I was, not even my husband knows.
Meklia, no-one can anticipate how your husband will respond, but in my experience it is a great relief to discover there is a name for the behaviour of a loved one who's behaviour is not quite explainable.
Is it possible your husband, given some time to get used to your news, could offer you support? Perhaps he could reassure you when you need a "reality check"?
My bipolar twin has a very loving husband who never mentions her "condition", but they are very close, and it seems that having a loving, supportive partner is enough to reassure her and keep her calm.
Their relationship is not as perfect as it may sound, but they love and accept each other, and from where I stand, it makes a big difference to her experience.
I hope you find a way to share your load and feel safer.
I have hallucinations similar to what you describe. I have mine most days and they mostly are reoccurring. I also share your opinion on meds, I'm from the UK so the financing of it isn't really an issue, but I have had such bad experiences that I kind of feel I would rather have the bipolar than the sedation.
If you want to talk more about hallucinations and what I do to deal with them on a day-to-day basis then contact me.