hello and welcome to the forum. firstly honey this man ain,t never going to change and as for marriage i would run 100 miles in the opposite direction.
if you marry him this only shall give him more control than he already has over you.
i made the mistake of marrying my abusive man and the legal side if and when you decide to ever leave him is unreal.
your son is also to be considered here and do you honestly want your son to end up in councilling or worse abused by him also.
we all gave up our friends in the same situation as you and i for one got out of it and made new friends and put men on hold till sorted my life out.
you and only you have the choice but priority is your son and i would advise no marriage and ditch this guy.
your son may love him but could also grow up to be like him.
i hope your decision is a wise one but take it from me and others on this forum please don,t do it. sorry if bit blunt but people like your guy really crack me up as ive been on recieveing end.
we are always here to support an advise you good luck.

Be brave. Get him to stop the abuse and get your friends back or make new ones. It won't be easy I know but I approach things like this: "I am trying to improve the situation and so failure is unacceptable, I must grit all teeth, lose days of sleep, break every bone in my body to succeed." Trust me (who has also been abused) making things better takes time and effort but the effort and suffering causedalong the road is far more painful than if you just gave up.

how could you be torn!

my mom stayed with my mentally & physically abusive dad for 22 years, she had 4 kids by him, and all of us have mental issues b/c of that. it effected us throughout our whole life, it creeped up in our relationships, and the way we raise kids.(i never hit my 13 y.o son, my brother is physically mentally abusive to his kids).

your child is young, but when he grows up and this is the life that you choose for him, seeing his dad beat his mom and disrespect her all the time.
trust me this effects boys more, my brother isnt talking to my mom & he is abusive to his daughter, which inturn is causing her problems, so this thing grows.

and for the "he changed thing"! how? did he get counseling? did he wake up one day and say "i m not going to be abusive any more?

my mom got married again, and gave her 2 husband 1000x's of chances. just like my dad, he cried and said he changed and she believed it, and was disappointed every time.
if you really want to know if he changed, see him, but dont marry him. see how long it will take him to turn into incredible hawk.
i m sorry if i seem rude, but i am passionate about this topic.

TRUST ME.
A RING WILL NOT CHANGE A THING.
I have recently found that out the hard way. Stay put and move on with your life.

Judge a man only by his actions, ignore every word that comes out of his mouth bcuz words mean nothing.

Don't believe a word that he says...he had his chance (7 years)...and you say that he can't return to Canada.

So what does he do to try to get back into this life so he can continue? Tells you that he has changed and wants you to move out of your comfort zone?

If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your son...as your son will pick up his fathers behavior and the cycle WILL continue. If you are so drawn to him then might I suggest that you seek counseling or even better...visit a women's shelter and / or sit in on a support group for abused women.

~zig

DO NOT GO TO HIM!

Of course he wants you to move far away from the few friends you have left! Divorcing you from your support network is part of their plan. The fewer people you have that can lend you support, give you sanity, and keep you from him the harder it is for him to have his way.

I have no doubt that your son loves him. I am quite sure that he has done everything he can to ensure that your son wants to be with him in order to tie your hands and yank your heart strings. Do not do it, not even "for your son". Your son will not flourish in his abusive environment and make no mistake the son WILL pick up his habits as my dear friend has. Perpetuating the cycle by having your son learn his ways would be an epic tragedy. Worse your son could wind up abusing YOU! I have seen this with my own two eyes, be happy that there's distance between you now. My gal has her ex 5mins away and he has used that to great advantage, she has just gone back to him.

Try to find some counseling. Try to reach out to the old friends, tell them you were ABUSED, and ask them for their support. True friends will come running! Talk to your family, find a support group, do not hold these feelings inside - talk here if nothing else. Do not keep this a secret, let it out. In the light of day you will find that the evil bleaches away, I believe you will feel better and healthier. You do not have any blame here, no shame, this was done TO you by someone who's sick. You are blameless and deserve better, you will find better. Even alone you are more healthy.

Don't be fooled. This man WILL hurt you. Going back will be affirming his ownership and he will become more confident that you are his possession and incapable of leaving him. Even if he could change, the chances are slim, and the price of being wrong monumental. Please do not do it, much as you might wish and dream for your situation to be unique the chances are it won't be and you'll pay a heavy price for any attempt....

sweethome220,
you seem very passionate about this topic! would you like to share with us what you been through. maybe your story can be encouragement to us all. if not that's fine.

I agree--Do not go with this man..A child loves a parent no matter what..BUT, you know what he is..Do you love your son? Do you want your son to grow up like his dad and be that kind of person to a woman? Be strong and let him go..You and your son stay where you belong and don't come to the states..This man is not good for you all!

Thank you so much all of you that posted a reply.
You have no idea how helpful you've been...Sometimes I just need some affirmation that I am making the right decision.
I almost cried when I read the responses...I can't believe how many of us go thru this b/s!

Thanks again for your support

Breenie, anytime you need a friend to lean on this forum cannot physically reach out and be a shoulder to cry on, but there are a lot of us that understand what you are going through. Right now your main concern should be your son and yourself. Any obstacle that harms either one of you then you need to AVOID it. Set an example for your son. You dont want him learning this abusive pattern and carrying it out later on in his life. Its hard when you have a child with someone. Of course feelings will play part. Its natural and you will always have a place in your heart for him. That doesnt mean you need to be a door mat. Let me know what you decide. Stay strong and God bless.

It would probably be best for you if you didn't go back to him. Tell him you're sorry, but you can't. You can work out how to have your child shared, maybe he goes down for easter and the US thanksgiving? It can be worked out, and really, you need to get on with your life, in a comfy enviroment where YOU can be happy.

Please don't go and marry this man hun he will never change, you need to concentrate on yourself and get your friends back..good luck Jenny