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He "wanted to be single" but now has a girlfriend?!

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I just don't get guys.

I was involved with this guy for a while, and I liked him. I mean REALLY liked him.
However I was round at his a while ago (we were just chatting and hanging out)and he said that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he wanted to be single for the time being. We had been quite intimate before though, we never actually had sex but got quite close on a number of occasions. We never actually had sex but we got quite close on a couple of occasions. He basically treated me like I was his girlfriend whenever we were together.

I was ok with him wanting to be single, and wanting us to be friends "for the moment" but he led me to believe that he wanted a relationship, just not yet. He has sent me texts while we were apart saying that he really missed me and wanted us to be together, which made it sound to me very much like he wanted a relationship.

Anyway basically he stopped replying to my texts and never returned my phonecalls, and I felt hurt and confused because I was just trying to find out where I stood and what was going on between us. Everytime I managed to get hold of him he would appologize and say that he really missed me and was sorry for not being in contact for so long.
Anyway I found out earlier that he now has a girlfriend, they got together a few days ago. I feel really hurt and upset and I'm in a mental mess and trying to understand what happened, and where I went wrong?!
I don't understand how one minute he's being really romantic towards me, then a minute later, telling me he isnt ready for a relationship, and next HE'S IN ONE??!!

What did I do wrong? Please help, I just feel gutted that yet again ANOTHER seemingly nice decent and genuine guy has run out on me.
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replied December 25th, 2008
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let me see if i can help you out here.

what i think we're seeing here is not a nice, decent and genuine guy, but a weak person who lied to you to keep you strung along for his convenience.

i'm sorry to say that, and i don't mean to be hurtful, but just to be honest. the problem is that he wasn't really being honest with you. i just think that he didn't see a future for you two. he didn't want to be in a relationship with you.

when the person came along that he wanted to be in a relationship with, he jumped on it. it may prove problematic for him in the long run, but that's his loss.

sweetie, i don't think you did one thing wrong. he just wasn't the right person for you. when you meet the right person, you won't have any of these concerns. he'll be strong and he'll be YOUR MAN!

i had a situation recently where i caught my b/f kissing a co-worker. when i broke it off with him, he was immediately with her. i am done with him. funny thing (it's really not funny, but...) is that 2 weeks or so later (now it's Christmas day) and he called me this morning and left a message that he wants to see me today, and that he wants to talk to me about getting things back on track with us.

i'm not going there. he proved he was the wrong person for me when he did what he did. i didn't do anything wrong.

YOU didn't do anything wrong. we just haven't found the right man for us. your man will come along and so will mine.

good luck!
jasmine
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replied December 25th, 2008
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Thanks very much for your help Jazzy.
I met him about seven months ago and we got on like a house on fire. I guess we just clicked. We spent the next few days together, he stayed the night at my flat. He kept saying that he thought I was beautiful, and that I had a lovely personality and that he thought I was awesome, and then he went away with work over the summer and text me a few times saying that he missed me and couldn't wait to see me again.
We met up again when he got back and then I didn't hear from him for a few weeks.
I bumped into him randomly and he apologized for not getting in touch, and then I didn't speak to him properly for about three months. I phoned him three times, text him twice and send him a couple of messages via chat - he had said that he wanted to be friends so I was trying to keep the friendship going.
To start with, he would reply and apologize, but it would take him a while, but after that he stopped replying althogether and then I found out the other day that he is now seeing someone else.

I do still really like him but I feel upset and like I've been used.

My problem is I've never had a proper relationship, so I get really down when guys do this sort of thing, I hate being single, but this is the fourth time this has happened and I just never learn.
Guys keep saying that I'm hot / pretty / lovely, but I always seem to be just a "good friend" or a potential shag, no-one exept this guy had ever said that they loved my personality or thought that I was beautiful, that's why it seemed so different this time because no-one has ever said that to me before, and I thought it was genuine.
Basically they seem to want my body and not me.
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replied December 25th, 2008
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greywolf, you are not alone. you are in the uk and i'm in the usa, and we have exactly the same experience. i have had 2 "serious" relationships, but a whole rash of "friend/acquaintances and hook-up hopefuls.

its amazing how many guys will say anything or do anything just to get some.

there's one difference between you and i and that is that if i am not in a steady relationship, then i'm out looking for one. i'm looking for a good relationship pretty much all the time (not desperate or anything, just keeping my eye out).

when i have a b/f who calls himself such and who acts like a b/f then i'm totally exclusive to him. but if i'm just dating or "seeing" someone (not even dating) then I keep my options open.

i'm 26 and hope to someday get married and have a baby. i have plenty of time to do those things, but i don't have any time "TO WASTE" on an a$$. so there you have it.

in a way i don't care if i never get married or settle down, but in some other ways i'd like to. guess it's all up to God to decide. i'll just focus on being happy.
jasmine
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Tags: sex, being single
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