Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

He left me, but does he still love me.

* I know this is long, but pleas Im so lost*

We were together for 3 1/2 year, and we had so much planned.I was his first serious relationship and girlfriend pretty much. We never really planned it out down to the tee but we always knew that were going some where. His family and I are extremely close and he also with mine. Two month ago we had a really big fight and I was going to leave him. The next night he left 10 dozen flower bouquets in front of my house with a letter, saying that he could never picture his life without me, he wanted to get married, have kids, and travel the world. he said he would spent the rest of his life trying to make me happy. He was planning on buying a house in September and asked me to move in with him, I even went with him to go look at least 30 homes. He even planned for us to go to Rome next year, and we just got two dogs together 3 month ago. Just a couple week later his grandfather past away and he was like a father to him. Last Sunday, almost two weeks ago he was being weird and I asked him what was wrong. (on Saturday he went out and traded his brand new 08 honda for a red truck with out telling any one)He told me that that he had a panic attack a week prior while listening to some song at work and he realized that his life was planned out. He had not lived his life.And now he didn't know if want to get married anytime soon. But I never told him that we had to in the next year or anything. He wants to be able to hangout with no restrictions and having girlfriend means that he has to checking before he does anything. He told me that this is something that he has to do before he regrets it one day when hes 40 and then wants to go though it. During this he just wouldn't tell me it's over he just keep saying that he just didn't want this right now not anymore, and we might end up together again, but he understands that he doesn't expect me to wait for him. I understand that he need his life with his friends too, you see hes only 22 and he works from 5am to 5pm. He has to be in bed by 8 to get 8 hours of sleep and on weekend we are in bed by 11 sometimes even 10. And in the past 2 year he drifted from all of his friends and only hung out with them like 6 times. I fell like hes going though mid life crisis already.
I haven't talk to him since, he hasn't call or text nor have I. But on Monday i talked to his sister and she said that he said that after hes all done with this he might just ask me to marry him. And up until them he hadn't taken me off of his myspace. But the next day he did but it says that he in a relationship but that part is hidden. My friend text him and told him that he need to talk to me and give me answers, he texted her back and said, " I did explain to her and I know shes talk to my family and they told her too. I didn't just say " its over" and leave". I don't understand why "it over" is in quotes. And she wrote" is it over, are you done with her? " and he didn't text back. And today he moved me from 1st on his friend list to 5th. His mom says that hes been home every night since then and the first weekend he was suppose to go to a concert for the weekend in San diego but he ended up coming home the same day he left. I know that no one will ever know what hes thinking but him. Every says to call him but I just can't bring myself to. How do you call some one when you think that hes over you and just doesn't love you anymore. Im so lost i don't have any idea what to do. I haven't eaten since that day, i can barely function , it just feels like i woke up one morning and my heart is gone. All my friends tell me that were going to get back together but Im scared of false hope. They all like him and says that he loves me so much. Of course he has his flaws too that drive me crazy, but not enough for me to leave him. I do understand what he going though, but why cant he do it with me around, and what is all these little thing that he saying and doing? He coming this weekend to see the dogs but I don't know what to do or how to act. Please help me and help me point my mind in the right direction.Do he still love me or is he getting over it?
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replied July 31st, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
This is so common. You said he is hasn't had any other serious girlfriends before you. He is starting to feel pressured, through no fault of yours. He wants time to run wild with his friends to see if he is missing anything before he settles down. He's confused. You can do one of two things. You can wait around hoping he will come back, or you can go on with your life and go out with your friends. If you PM me, I can give you some advice on this problem.
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replied July 31st, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Plus, 22 is really young for a guy to feel like his life is all planned out. However, he is an adult and needs to start growing up. If you would be okay with him sowing some wild oats and then coming back, then that's your choice. The question is: if he comes back, will you trust him the same way to stick things out when they get hard? What if you got pregnant? Would he freak out? Would he freak out before the wedding if you choose to get married?

You also need to think about how you would feel if he's been going out with other girls while you guys are apart. Are you okay with that?

My advice: if he does come back, don't take him back until you guys work some stuff out first. I would suggest couple's counseling. Make sure this relationship is still what you want. It's okay if it isn't. You guys are still young. You don't have to spend the rest of your lives together just because you've spent 3 1/2 years together.

In the mean time, focus on you. Evaluate what you want out of life and if you are where you want to be.

Good luck with everything. I hope it all works out for the best, what ever that is.
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replied July 31st, 2009
Do you think he still cares?
As the days go by it seems more really and Im realizing it more but I think what is making me hold on is if he still loves me. It just was so sudden With all the thing that he told his sister and me and the thing that he did, all those little actions, do you think he still loves me or cares or is it over for him too?
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replied July 31st, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
If he's having a midlife crisis at 22 he doesn't have very many years left. But seriously working 12 hour days for a few years isn't justification for this behavior. Many men make a life of it and your boy is barely out of high school. Either he is snowballing you about his feelings or he's just useless and will never be dependable in the long run. Later on when your paths meet again you should thank him for getting out of your way and letting you find a better life.

For now he has shut down the relationship and packed his bags. There is nothing for you in lingering except pain. If he came back tomorrow and apologized he would still be the same loser who dumped you without warning, nothing has changed to justify starting the relationship up again. Move forward with your life.
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replied August 11th, 2009
pls help
it happened to me too and i totally need help. ma bf of 4yrs left me. i was also his first serious girlfriend we've been together since the 8th grade in high school. im 19 now and he's 21. could someone pls help me also? i want him back or im just wondering what to make of this whole situation. im devastated
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replied February 3rd, 2012
Happened to me too.. My boyfriend of three years left me after a couple of months of telling me to move with him. This is a long distance relationship for the Past year. I wounded if he even still loves me bcz when I talk to him he seems as if he isn't paying attention and says he has nothing to talk about bcz we live in two different places. I couldn't handle it if he was to date someone else. He is coming back next month and said that if I wanted to we could hang out, but I have never been around him with out the privilege of kissing him willingly or just cuddling under him. We use to talk everyday until two months ago and I'm just going crazy trying to feel out if we can work something out. If he is over me I just need to hear it from him, but I'm nervous to making him mad if I ask him and I dont won't to mess up his trip home. I don't know what to do I'm lost I'm crying every day just bcz I don't know!
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