Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

He is abusive physically, emotionally, mentally - he wont leave

I have been in an abusive reltionship for 8 years. He has basically been unemployed for the last three years and wants for nothing. In the past 4 weeks he has hit me three times, strangled me twice and pointed a firearm at me. I have had him locked up once after a night of hell where i managed to escape. After each incident, the following day he acts as if nothing has happened. Then he starts telling me over a period of time that it is my fault because I dont make love to him and show him sufficient affection....Am I the crazy one, I fear this man and now I have to pretend that I want him to make love to me. I currently rent the place i live in and the lease is in my name. I provide for everything. I am afraid that if I go and apply for a protection order or an indertict that I will not have the strength to fight this man. What if......the police dont get there quick enough, they cant protect me etc etc. I just feel like crying and sleeping and doing nothing else. If he socialises with his friends then I fear him coming home. The other night he got into bed and then the next minute he was on top of me strangling me.....I just prayed and prayed and prayed. Any advice would be welcome
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replied October 17th, 2011
Experienced User
hi, this is a case of persitant abuse and harisment within a domestice situation. you need to talk with your local police about a escape syistem posibly a safe phone or alarm which will get help at the highet prority. it may also help to have a bag with your inportant dicuments pree packed so it is posible to go with all you need, a crash point at a friends could be useful. a womens crises center may be able to help and protect you untill you can get your abusive patener through the courts to protect you from him in the furtcher.

a womens cries center is a good place to go to get help and advice.
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replied October 20th, 2011
YOU NEED TO LEAVE! It sounds like he has NOTHING. So it's not like you need him, which is what A LOT of women fear as a result of leaving their man. YOU have the upper hand. So please start planning to get out of there. Plan QUICK.Grab your social, birth certificate, all THAT important stuff, start putting money to the side, if he freaks and checks your bank statements, well, let a friend hold the money for you and DON'T take ALOT out at once. Start contacting battered womens homes, which are REALLY nice actually. Most of them at least. Also grab a few outfits, and really that is all you need, because in an emergency, just flee, and the police can always escort you back for a few more things until you work something out to move out all your stuff. Oh and besides the police, have a friend you can 100 PERCENT count on to take your call ANY TIME OF DAY to come pick you up, not from your house, but from a close location that you two have ALREADY understood is the meeting spot. It's a matter of if you WANT to keep tolerating this. I hope not, so I hope you leave and seek the help that YOU need too. He is long gone it seems, and probably not only has anger issues, but psychological ones too. However, you need the help more to gain strength and confidence in your decision. Like the commercial says LOVE IS RESPECT. And choking, hitting, name calling, ANY OF THAT, is NOT respect. Where do you live, I have some contacts that will help.... Smile
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replied October 20th, 2011
I think you know ahead of time what everyone is gonna say. ... I was in an abusive relationship at one point myself. I simply left.. It's not that hard, ya know. So, it boils down to two choices. To stay? or to leave?!
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replied November 24th, 2011
Experienced User
Hey darling, I just read your story. For off all, i am sorry you've been going through hell and high waters with this man! You can't be with someone like that, he doesn't respect you and can do something worse. You have to take quick action,this is not a normal life, even if you think sometimes he has calm down, he will do it again! don't play with your valuable life, if you have kids for your own sake and theirs, you must leave! I can't stand men that abuse their women! He certainly has mental problems and by you being with him, it won't help the situation. You don't need to be miserable. As an advice, when you make love, use protection, I'm not saying he's cheating on you,but play it safe(Please!) You need to find help and don't procrastinate! Remember, this is not NORMAL! You have no need to be miserable, you work hard, leave him. You'll find someone who will appreciate it you! a men that hit a women is a coward! He would never act like the with another men because he can get his ass whoop!
if you need to talk more please do, you can inbox me!
Take care! Wink
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