Relationships and Marriage Forum - he did cheat on me...

Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum > he did cheat on me...

Q: he did cheat on me...

asked by: CoolGlassofH2O on December 16th, 2008

Experienced User

so I found out yesterday that my boyfriend did cheat on me with this one girl.

jus a quik recap of our relationship..

weve been having problems since september. I didn't trust him due to little things that have popped up throught our 2yrs together. when he told me about his baby mama a year and few months ago I looked thru his phone, his emails etc. so in that aspect I sorta played my part in hurting the relationship because I assumed that since he had a babymama that he would automatically be sneaky. and unfortunately he was. my assumpitons were rite.

he hurt the relationship by asking his baby mama for pics,vids, etc. and by continuing to ask her for them.

he was a big dater before he met me. he would go out 5 days a week before we met. so when we go together he said he forced himself to change because he was really into me...which I think wasn't a good idea. because that would only mean that sooner or later he would snap. and he did

in september we had our big fight and he said that he had decided to end it that day. but that he didn't because he had invested too much into our relationship and didn't jus want to let it go. he met her sept 25th..we had our fight sept 29th.

november all the way to yesterday this girl would try to get my attention via myspace. and I would always cuss her out. but then I started listening and unfrtunately found out he was cheating. I confronted him and asked him why. the reason he cheated was because I didn't trust him(although I had reason and evidence not to) and I do admit I did mess up the relationship too. when I would say I trusted him I would go behind his back and peep thru his phone..I never kept my word Sad

thus making it worst..

and he would continue asking her forpics and vids and hooking up with her.

yesterday we sat down and I told him that as soon as I get back on my feet im going to leave. while I was crying he said he didn't want to leave, that he didn't want me to leave. but what I can't stand is he KEPT going back. he has to understand that relationships aren't easy, they need to be worked on. and I need to understand that when I say something I need to keep my word and actually follow thru with it. that has always been my flaw in relationships.

im not saying were both innocent but we both are responcible for what happened.

so now I decided to get back on my feet and leave. my lease is over so I can find a cheaper place. I didn't deserve what happen tho. cause after our big fight I vowed to be a better girlfriend to him. he just didn't believe that I was actually trying and went and did what he did. and now after this he feels dumb for not believeng when I said I had vowed to be a better girlfriend to him.

I don't kno what the future holds. if we.ll stay friends after I leave, if he.ll try to win me back etc, I don't kno. I jus know I need time to heal....

Replies(11)

worrywart01

replied on December 16th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

this isn't your fault...dont even blame yourself...if he hadn't given you reason NOT to trust him you would never have gone looking through his phone..i understand this situation completely i've gone through a similar situation though my boyfriend never cheated on me...sounds like you're making the best decision for yourself...and like i said, dont blame yourself..it wasn't bc you didn't trust him that he decided to cheat...HE himself decided to cheat...and a guy like that is not worth it.you deserve so much better and i'm sure you'll find a guy that will treat you like a princess

worrywart01

replied on December 16th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

CoolGlassofH2O

replied on December 17th, 2008

Experienced User

i know it wasnt my fault. but i came into this relationship cautious. one bcause he told me he was a big dater and the other cause he had a kid. so i assumed that since he kept in touch wit his babymama that he would automatically be sneaky. and i looked thru his phone. so in that part i kno i did mess up too.

i didnt trust him from the beginning. but he did mess up too for giving me reason to not trust him.

his explenation on why he did it was he didnt feel i appreciated the relationship and all the effort he put into it. that i didnt see how much he had forced himself to change for me. changing from a serial dater to a monogomous guy being commited to one girl.

my last ex went thru that. but now i already told him the only reason im still here is because i need to get back on my feet and get stable before i move. and he doesnt want me to. but how am i supposed to forgive someone who just broke the love and trust i had in him? he broke 2yrs of love i invested in him. thats not something one gets over and rebuilds so easily.

if we seperate and wants to continue investing or work on whats left of our relationship i dont kno what will happen. but all i need to concentrate it getting back on my feet:)

what i feel weird is the emotions im having. of course i feel sad,i feel mad, i feel a sense of calm too. not a sense of like i-dont-care but just a sense of calm. , when we were having our problems i thought a couple of times of sneaking around cause i saw he wasnt appreciating my effort. but i didnt.

worrywart01

replied on December 18th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

if he had put effort into it he would have talked to you about how he felt not go out and disrespect you by cheating on you! personally, if someone ever cheated on me idk if i could rebuild that relationship..some people can it just depends...for me it wouldn't matter how much i loved the guy or how badly i wanted to try and work things out i would forever be insanely paranoid about getting cheated on again that i would probably turn into a psycho control freak wondering where he was every minute of the day and who hes with and honestly, thats just tooooo stressful...trust is the foundation of a relationship..once its broken you literally have to start from scratch but sometimes whats broken just cant be fixed...trust is something that is extremely hard to gain back once its been lost...get on your feet, do what you need to do for you and just give yourself time to think things through...you do deserve better though...whatever excuses this guy comes up with wont cut it...there is absolutely NO reason for cheating..dont let him try and get off easy and tell you how much he loves you...remember, if he truly loved you he wouldn't have disrespected you like that

harmony1

replied on December 18th, 2008

Supporter

Yeah I agree with the others. Just because you're being cautious doesn't mean he has to go out and cheat on you. In my opinion he's supposed to prove you wrong by not cheating on you and making you trust him. I agree you thinking he's going to cheat on you is not a good thing. i have the same prob. My bf cheated on me too very early in our relationship & then he lied about it (I found out through a friend of his) He's never done it since but the damgae is kinda done. I did it back to him and now 8 yrs later there are two hurt individuals.

Anyhows back to you. You had good reason to be suspicious after finding out about those pics. That was already a form of cheating, definately crossed the line there. How can you trust him again after now cheating on you. Thats two times that you know of.

Look, up to you. I hope he's genuine, I hope he's trustworthy, doesn't sound like it but hey my bf didn't seem to be early on either and he changed. Sometimes people make mistakes. I left him though for a yr and then we got back together.

I say leave him and if he comes back to you it was meant to be.

Just my opinion.

Take care
xo

CoolGlassofH2O

replied on December 19th, 2008

Experienced User

thank you everybody. after finding out about this, this girl will not leave me alone! she keeps saying that she wants her revenge. she said if I just would have gone with her plan of waiting when she was with him so she could seduce him that she would have gotten her satisfaction too.

im so pissed. because she forwarded me the txts he had last sent her and theres a few were he says to her "im done, I don't want this anymore. have a goodlife babygirl" and I see others with the same date urging him not to end it. so I asked her bout those and she said yea, that after him and I started working on making our relationship better he ended it with her but she kept insisting.

im mad because she lied to me telling me he kept trying to get at her. and I yelled at him because of that and now I find out she kept pushing it even though he ended the fling a while back.ugh

help me plaese

replied on December 19th, 2008

New User

stress, he cheated on u what gives him the right, it doesn't matter who it was he cheated on u and u guys were in a serious relation, he would probably leave u viceversa. u have to make it clear once a ceater will always be a cheater wheither u find out or not, every partners snoop around each others things it's normal! i do it all the time ahahahha eventhough i promised not to... u know guys their horn dogs it's very hard to find a loyal one, y do us good girls fall for these jerks who don't even appreciate what they have. first of all the guy he doesn't know what he wants and don't let him pimp u around. so when he's mad at u he's going to visit the babymamma now that's a fact.
u sound like a decent person who really cares for ur partner, there's many guys out there that would love to have someone like you. i'm telling u as long as he still have contact with that girl she will never leave u alone!
u have to put yourself in her shoes, how would u feel if u have his kids and now he has another g/f damm... i would feel very insecure n jealous how could he do this to me/us.

CoolGlassofH2O

replied on December 19th, 2008

Experienced User

its not his baby mama i was talking about, she not the one he cheated on me with. his babymama lives in another state. actually his baby mama has a guy and told my guy she was pissed that he was with me instead of her. that it should been her not me he should be with cause she had his kid. i really dont care how she feels.

but, thank you for your input. ive been feeling a little better as days go by

harmony1

replied on December 19th, 2008

Supporter

Get a breath of fresh air....

Why don't you just take a break from him just for a little while. Seriously, stand up for yourself. you stayed with him after he was getting nude pics of his former girlfriend & you're still with him after he's gone and slept with another woman (he did sleep with her right?) You've got to make him realise that he can't do these things to you. I would have already been long gone.. Just between you & me, it doesn't mean that things may not work out for you in the future but for now get some space. A breathe of fresh air. think to yourself "Is this really the sort of person I deserve to be with? I'm getting stalked online, I'm being cheated on, Walked all over like a doormat. Don't i deserve better than this?? You deserve better than this hun. I'm sorry, I know you love him but right now you're making him think that he can do whatever the hell he wants to you & you'll still stick around. He's in a really good position. What jerk wouldn't want that. he can have his cake and eat it too.

Just try & leave him & in a yrs time if you get back together or 6 months from now he'll respect you a whole lot more.

CoolGlassofH2O

replied on December 19th, 2008

Experienced User

i told him that as soon as i get a job im gone. i just dont want to throw this drama on my parents because they live like right down the hall from me.

harmony1

replied on December 22nd, 2008

Supporter

They're your parents hun. if you knew how many times i went running back to my parents in tears you'd be suprised. Smile

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