So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years now. Our relationship has always been great except for the one thing we have always fought about, which is my lack of trust for him. I would say our first year together, everything seemed perfect, hardly any arguments, no major fights, we just seemed to click so well. After the first year, I would catch him in little white lies such as lying about talking to female friends of his and his exes. Normally I wouldn't care about a boyfriend talking to people of the opposite sex, but he had made it very clear to me that he thought it was inappropriate if I talked to my guy friends. So I let him know that he shouldn't be a hypocrite. If he didn't want me talking to guys behind his back, then he needs to give me the same respect. I told him if he wanted to talk to his girl friends, then all he has to do is be honest with me and don't give me any reasons to not trust him. Well that didn't get through to him because every one once in a while he would get suspicious messages on his phone from random girls. When I would confront him about it, he would just say that it was an old friend, coworker, etc. Whatever, i let things go and sometimes he made me feel paranoid for questioning him about who he was talking to. Even though I didn't want to be THAT nagging girlfriend, things just didn't feel right to me. I had so many gut feelings that he was up to more, but I chose to ignore it because I had known him to be a good, genuine person. He was always so affectionate with me when we were together, we had already talked about getting married, and I never really remember him cancelling any of our dates, or having any other major suspicions. About two months ago, I started feeling really uneasy. He started getting more secretive with his phone and I started seeing more flirty relationships develop over his facebook. So one day I logged into his email and his facebook account which I had never done before. I found emails he exchanged with a girl from his past about a year ago. Supposedly they had set up a date to hook up with each other but in the end he never called her to go through with it. When she asked him why he sold her out, he told her that it was because his dad was staying with him but that he still wanted her and still wanted to go through with it. He told her he shared a deep connection with her. When I confronted him about it, he admitted that he did make plans to sleep with her, but that he realized that it was wrong and didn't go through with it. What makes me sick to my stomach though, is that this girl is a stripper! He says before him and I started dating he went to a strip club, met this girl, and went out with her a few times. After we got together, they just remained friends until he cut ties with her last year. It jsut grosses me out to know that he was that interested in a stripper and was willing to throw a 3 year relationship away for one night. When I looked at his facebook, I saw several messages of him asking his girl friends out for drinks or whatever. I even found messages between him and a girl he met at a club. He was the one that contacted her and started talking and flirting with her. He says that he just wanted to be friends with these girls and that he had no intentions with them but how is that possible when he doesn't even acknowledge me or mentions that he has a girlfriend?! Anyways.. it's been about two months since I've found all this out and he promises me that he's changed and he realizes how in the wrong he was. He's changed his phone number and he's cut all ties with girls that i don't know about. He's been really good to me. He even tells me that he's already bought my engagement ring and that he's had it for a long time now. I'm trying to move on and forgive him but I'm still so angry and hurt that he deceived me this way. I know that he didn't do anything physical with anyone this time but i'm worried that he might the next time. Is it really possible that it was all innocent and he was just trying to get attention. Is this a giant red flag that i'm choosing to ignore or should I believe that he's changed??
Go with your gut. Most of all, would you feel guilty if you flirted with guys like he does with girls? And wouldn't he be mad if that was being done to him. Don't be naive, he's got a serious addiction. Its called sexual addiction.