It sounds like you realize that you're having sex with him less than you once did. Children can do this, sharing a home can do this. But your mate has every right to expect that the sex he found in courtship remains there in the engagement and the marriage. If you aren't able to perform you need to have a completely open discussion about why, what can be done about it together, and what you need him to do to help you. He needs the reassurance that you understand that there is a problem and you are committed to solving it more than he needs the sex.

If your husband is into oral sex or any sexual activity that you are not able to handle it is an issue of sexual incompatabilty. I think you put your relationship at risk to just ignore it and hope it goes away. I think you need to discuss this with your husband and approach the problem with an open mind, suggest alternatives to oral sex that may meet his needs without causing you discomfort.
If you are taking a drug that has a side effect of reduced libido and experiencing reduced libido and your husband's needs are being met. Talk to your doctor and tell your husband you are going to talk to your doctor.

If work and child care exhausts you then you need to take time off to be able to meet the needs of your partner. This is the work they say that relationships need. Schedule a day off from work on one of your husbands day's off and plan a day with him indulging the things you like to do together. Get the kids to the sitter and spend a day wake-up to bed-down just being with him.

my mother always told me if you dont give your man any, he'll find it from someone else. this stuck in my head forever and i could be dead tire and my b/f would have to respect that, but it wont be too many times that i will say no. even in the bible it speaks about a women's body is not her owns but her husbands and vise versa.
i lived with a guy who worked 2nd or 3rd shift and i worked 1st shift. we didnt really see each other until bedtime or on the weekends, but i loved him and i made it work.
i have a girlfriend that is married with five kids, and her life is hard, but she always try to make time for romance.
you dont want your man to go any where else. you have to make comparmises.
dont allow the sex to disappear out of your relationship.! call out sick or something. i dont want you to have a good job but no husband. family is always first.

Thank you both for responding! Your information was very helpful!

I can remember sex on the bathroom floor and flushing the toilet so the kids didn't hear the two animals on the floor having wild sex...Basement ping pong that turned into sexual orgies...You see, he, too, worked shifts for many years...I would crawl into bed with him to wake him up naked...We had a lock on the bedroom door...I never cared for giving him oral sex for years....Now I am a master of the trade...I don't swallow, I spit...Love to lick off his body after sex either way...Actually, he has too much respect for me to fill my mouth with his ejaculate...But, there have been a few hot times.. ...I adore him....I was tired years ago too....We will be married 51 years this Fall...With God as my witness less than 2 hours ago, he came up with the puppies from the lower family room yelling at me "I'm coming upstairs to **** your brains out"....And he did.....

Get past your todays....They will make your tomorrows wonderful....I send you my love...

Caroline

Thedoorsfan08-I love the doors as well..It is really hard to give when your're so tired..At same time before marriage no matter how tired we were when our BF called we were always ready, willing and able..That's where we gotta be in marriage..

Make plans for a night a week to be alone..Make sure you use the night wisely and enjoy each other..It'll be ok honey..kd

I've heard that taking a warm bath before having sex relaxes the muscles. Another suggestion can be to ask your husband to have a sensual massage before doing it. Do some conducive relaxation activity, this helps.

I agree with WOLF. If your not comfortable with the oral then try other stuff.

Oral sex on a man can be done with a condom..This is how I started...I used to hate it...It is growing into this special art of love making that a woman has to find in herself...Without it, she just may find problems ahead... I speak from the experience of women writing about this and learning myself as a sexual woman... She may have been taught as a child, possibly by her Mother, that the male penis is a dirty thing..Possibly forced to do this by sexual abuse.....A man loves to be loved...Just as we love oral sex on ourselves, he needs this thrill and appreciates it more than we will ever know...It is loving all of him...Each and every inch of his body...If there is one thing that I can impress, it is trying to get past this dislike that you have...It took me years to get away from a condom...Like 23...Before that I would go down on him when I was drinking or pretty well shot...Did you know that when you are drinking that the real you comes out?...The hot Mama shows her stuff that the frigid babe likes to hang onto...Kind of sad that sometimes we hate a part of us that was born to be an animal...I had to get past this inhibited woman inside of me that refused to show that she, too, had the animal instincts of life...What a waste of time... .This happening is the reason that many men seek other companionship to fulfill this fantasy in their mind...Here is where the other woman shows her fangs...Ready, willing and able...Then God forbid, there are always other men in the wings...

Caroline

This is true Caroline..
Women are taught at an early age what is expected of them but it never includes the art of making love..If it were-would women be labled? How many times have women been called bad names for doing the exact same thing a man does and desires in the bedroom?
Maybe if women were taught as the Geisha were on the pleasures of taking care of a man and self then women would also be wasting less time wishing and more time receiving..
Oral sex is a sexual act that is given with the utmost respect..There are so many motion lotions that can assist with this that adds pleasure to the giver as well as the reciever..I had never heard of anyone using a condom to give oral sex but can see how this could be a help aide to someone..

KD, this is so important to a marriage...I wonder how many women realize this...I wish I had a dollar for every man that has said "She used to do it before marriage, but stopped"...And we did...Makes me wonder of that old song "A man chases a girl, until she catches him"......This is true, however she forgets to remember that just because she got him, she still has to hold him...

It is such a hot act of love...Lots of fun things you can do with it...

Forget about the oral sex. He's known for a while that you're not into it, so he made up his mind on that. With that said, however, it's never a bad idea to use the old rule "birthdays and holidays" for things like that. But don't let anyone talk you into doing stuff you don't like. It's not a fun experience if you hate it.

But I know how you feel. I'm in my mid twenties now, I've been with my fiance for almost 3 years and after the first 6 months, my sex drive completely dropped off. I'm pretty sure it was partly due to some health problems that are now being reversed thanks to correct medication. But it still hasn't gotten better. I have no explanation for my lack of sex drive. Being unemployed and helping him with his business over the last two months plus running the house all the time hasn't helped my anxiety (because I am very actively seeking money... I mean, work.) But anxiety/tiredness has NEVER affected my sex drive before.

He takes it personally, which makes me angry and makes me cry depending on the day. Even he, going on 30, can go at it several times a day, even after masturbating. I've never met anyone with his sex drive before. He definitely doesn't help. He's so starved that whenever he's home and in physical proximity, he makes comments about my looks or grabs my boobs or something. He's never been the best at foreplay because he's had some awful relationships in the past, but nothing is going to help if I can't get myself in the mood.

I've considered doing everything- exercise, stopping BC, seeing a counselor (but free ones are hard to come by), scheduling sex so that it trains me to get aroused, but I have been so busy that even thinking about solving the problem irritates me. And I have told him the things he does wrong, but he's not going to change any time soon.

I almost want to give up and we're not even married yet. I'm just hoping that life will fall into place soon and then I'll know for sure if it's stress related.

At least you know what's bugging you. You have a job and a family to think about. He should respect that, there's no excuse for people to wander in relationships unless they intend to end it.

I always tell people to try to change their diets and have an exercise routine, because the activity and certain foods can boost your libido.

Good luck with your endeavors.

Hey Sareena
Why is it acceptable that your Fiancee be not good at foreplay? How is he ever going to give you what he needs if you don't tell him and show him how? It sounds like he's plenty motivated, just show him where to go.

I have. I have no interest in letting him try. It has to go both ways.

Sereena
If he's uninterrested in doing what you need to enjoy sex but also takes your lack of desire for sex personally, its a really bad sign for how problems in the marriage are going to be dealt with. I think before you commit to a lifetime with this guy that you should try a different tack on solving the problems you two are having with sex. Try a different approach, maybe work togather with a health professional to get a neutral perspective or better tools to resolve things.
I hope it works out for you hon.

I don't know where you got the idea that he's not interested. I never said anything like that. I'm the one who's not interested.

Hey Sereena
You said that he's bad at foreplay. You said that you've tried to train him but that he's not interested in reciprocating? Did I read you wrong?

I only mentioned it here:

"He's never been the best at foreplay because he's had some awful relationships in the past, but nothing is going to help if I can't get myself in the mood."

My husband and i had a similar problem for a little while after we got married. when we tied the knot we we're both virgins and it hurt me a lot the first few times, after that i was just turned off to the whole idea and would always make up excuses to get out of it. we have great communication in our marriage though, so eventually we talked and he told me that he had been getting really depressed lately because he doesn't feel like a man always begging for sex. i felt so bad! so a made a rule for myself...i had to have sex 3 times before i could say "no" once. it only took a couple of weeks before my sex desire was so high that i was the one making the first move most of the time!

not exactly your situation...but it really worked for me! we have been married 2 years have one daughter and have sex anywhere from 5-10 times a week. good luck!