hi there. im here to seek some advice, although i know that many of you are not doctors it would seem from reading thes boards over the course of the eavening that you have a good idea on this subject and i would realy like to hear any input you may have.
this may be a little long so i shall try to shortern it when and were posible.
if you wish to skip to the current ishue i have marked it with a number 1: next to it.
thankyou for reading in advance.
here is my story in a nutshell.
14 years ago i was a teenager at 15 years of age. i loved life most of the time, enjoyed my time alone and relaxed with a large amount of fishing. my father once sead i was laid back to the point of horizontal.
a few years went by and one day i expireanced an episode of derealisation brought on by weed.
i went to the docs and they put me on seroxat and olanzapine. this is were the troubbles began.
i dont recall the entirity of what happened over the next year or so, but it was horible. i was all over the place mentaly. (if i was to rate it from 1-10 and 10 being the worst, it was a 10).
i desided to stop the medication after about a year becaiuse it just seemed that i was getting worse and worse.
i sudenly started to level out, reality came back and i was on the road to recovery, it took me a couple of years to get back to being what i would call fixed, but i was left with depression on a frequent ocasion and anxiety with too much energy. never being able to relax.
i never got back to my old laid back self.
now 9 years after getting well since that traumatic time, i find my self in a scary place.
10 months ago a relationship that i was in broke up, i after 3 months desided that the depression was too great and i could not deal with the loss of my wife (she calmed me). i desided to take some anti depressents to help me along my way.
i went to the doctor and asked for some lite anti-depressents, and asked her not to make them the same type as the ones i had years ago.
she prescribed me zoloft (sertraline) 100mg daily.
i was un wawere that both zoloft and the ones i took years ago were both ssri's if i had known i wouldn t have taken them.
i took them for 4 days, within those 4 days i was pulled from my on the floor depression to a verry happy euphoric high, which grew and grew. i started to feel "wired" almost delusianal and just like i did when i was ill all those years ago. and i had a rash develop.
subsequently i stoped taking them after speeking to my doctor.
the next 14 days i was in bed with a temp of 102 sweating with headaches and confusion. still the symptoms persisted. the oncall doctor just sead to take paracetamol.
skip forward 3 months and i was still feeling like i did years ago, eaven though the halflife of zoloft is 24 hours or so i was still feeling crazy.
i have been pretty much shunned by the doctors telling me that it is anxiety and getting me to fill out the same form over and over again over the past 6 months, i have been to hell.
my day to day life atm is anxiety with lods of energy in the morning - incresing to the point were my thoughts are racing so much i cannot focuss, im not woried about anything in particular. i feel rly weerd, im not depressed, im not happy but loads of energy.
the afternoon my mood crashes, im in tears and come home. then over the next few hours im either verry calm and relaxed or feeling weerd.
its like my moods are all over the place, rly i cant make plans because i dont know how im going to feel.
i have given up caffine, alcoholl.
infact during typing this i have been happy, in tears , and sortof mixed.
i dont know what to do or i any of this makes sence, i have forgoternt what it is like to feel normal in my self now it hass gone on so long.
does this to you sound like bipolar with ultarian cycling?
i have always put my seasonal moods down to s.a.d which i took the edge off with exersize. but im scared that it was not infact the ishue.
i just want to go out and work like a normal person.
id like to add that eaven the smallest amount of alcoholl, lack of sleep, diazapan, all effect my mood for the comming days.
im scared that this will get worse if i dont get treatment and im scared of treatment because it seems to have caused this.
edit: i wanted to add that to my knolage i have only only ever felt euphoric for a short period of time exept from the time were i was on the anti - d's.
and if i stay awake a little too long i get rly awake sudenly and cant sleep.
I don't believe I can answer the question as to whether you exhibit the classic signs of being Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder. There simply isn't enough information here. What I would suggest is that you seek a professional who can help diagnose you and help get you on the proper medication, if necessary, to help stabilize you mentally.