hating myself, emotional eating/binge eating, despise.

sometimes i'm having really good days.. but about 70% of the other time when i'm alone i start to crumble and break down and hate myself. sometimes at school i'm happy.. but then when i get back home it's jst eh... and sometimes i feel like people judge me as fake because i put up a 'facade' of this emo chick at home.. but really im so tired of feeling this way. sometimes i just want to cut and burn myself, but i end up eating which makes me fat -> makes me hate myself more.. what do i do.. i hate waking up and feeling like everything is a drag. i don't look forward to anything, and when i do it's hopeless, it's kind of why i don't look forward to anything anymore. everything to me is a lie ...