Bipolar Disorder Forum - hard time dealing with Bipolar Disorder

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Q: hard time dealing with Bipolar Disorder

asked by: KatG on July 1st, 2008

New User

I'm 22 years old and my boyfriend is 24. We've been together for about 5 months. I have BipolarII. The first month we were together everything was perfect.. I had no episodes whatsover. Then I started going into a depression for a month or so. Then things would get normal. Now I've been having stages of hypomania that have been lasting about 2 weeks at a time. I get EXTREMELY irritable and mean. I say things I don't mean and EVERYTHING upsets me, I'm very irrational. When I'm "normal" I am the best girlfriend anyone could be. I cook him dinner everynight, breakfast everymorning hes over, rub his back after work, hes remodeling a house and I go over during the day and help his father do work on it (I even brought a trailer load of trash to the dump with him haha), I take care of him when hes sick... I would do anything for him. The hypomania is starting to become too much for him. Before he would just get frustrated but he always wanted to see me everyday of the week. Now its getting to the point where hes walking away from me and not wanting to see me. I asked him today if he misses me and he said "yeah when you're you." He understands (as much as someone whos new to this thing can) what Bipolar Disorder is and does, but its still hard for him to sit there and take the abuse. I'll do things like start bashing his cousin out of nowhere saying shes easy and a biotch (hes very close to her), I'll get upset over myspace if he changes his picture to one that I"m not in, I get upset over the littlest things and blow them into huge fights. Its like I literally can not control myself when this happens, but when he goes to leave I freak out and start crying and begging. I am very insecure (well sometimes I get the cocky side of mania where I think I"m the hottest thing out there, but a lot of the time everything in my life seems unsure). I get upset if he doesnt want to have sex with me. I just get upset about anything and everything. I don't know how to control myself. The doc is upping my lamictal and gave me some xanax to take when i start to get out of hand.
Anyways I went to his house today, which i wasn't supposed to do, to bring him a gift (A CD and a card I wrote a huge letter in)... and we talked. He gets it but he just can't handle it and seems so burnt out from it all. He said we would talk tomorrow and we'll hang out at some point this week (at least by thursday). I'm scared that if tomorrow he doesnt want to talk or see me I will lose it. I dont know how to just relax and let things run their course. If I lose it it will probably be the end of us because I can't keep doing this to him.
Does anyone have any advice????

Replies(8)

rock_digger

replied on July 2nd, 2008

New User

Never Bash Family Members

Hey Kat,

You aren't the first or the last person to make this mistake. The end result is you put the other person on the defensive. Another way to try and explain it is if you have any brothers or sisters. You can get mad and say things to each other that are downright despicable but heaven forbid someone not closely related says something about your family member.

I think this issue is more on the maturity and self esteem that BP. I don't really think he has an issue with the illness but more of what your saying when you become insecure. As my grandfather used to tell us...if you haven't got something good to say, why say anything at all. You need to take the higher ground and if this relationship was meant to be....it will flourish on its own.

KatG

replied on July 2nd, 2008

New User

Thanks. I know I should never insult a family member. When I was doing it it was like I was out of control. I am very insecure. I don't know how to feel more confident. Now that theres been problems its even harder to feel confident when he does decide to hang out with me. I'm going to worry that he doesn't feel the same anymore, or I'm going to do something irrational. I just don't know how to step away and deal with my own emotions without it turning into a fight. Sad

KatG

replied on July 2nd, 2008

New User

I just talked to him. He wants to see me tonight and he loves me and all that. I asked if I could go with him and all of his/my friends out downtown tomorrow night and he said "we'll see how things go between now and then." Thats hard for me to deal with. Now ontop of trying to deal with my hypomania, I have to feel like I'm being tested. I feel like a little kid whos parent tells them if they behave they'll get an icecream cone later. Ugh. I dont know how to keep my emotions in check for this.

CarolDiane

replied on July 2nd, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Mybe, just maybe you can try this. I truly believe for the most part that a lack of full understanding of the disorder is the cause for relationships and families to fail. You first need to know all you can about this disorder and how it can affect others in your life. I am sure your already know how it has and does affect you. If you can not comfront him with streangh and knowledge and feel comfortable standing tall with it. What I personally would do is round up as much information from seaching the forums here and copy any relivent pages you may think might help. I could be very helpfull for him to see that you are not alone and this does not have to be an end of the road for either of you.

Hope this helps,
Carrie

cloudrunner

replied on July 2nd, 2008

New User

I have to agree with CarolDiane. Knowledge helps a lot. Thought it is probably too late for me and my bipolar ex girlfriend, I have started to see things differently and separate parts of her behavior from those caused by bipolar disorder. Though it doesn't help me just accept her behavior, by understanding parts of why she does what she does based on her similar actions of other bipolars, it makes it easier on me to see that I shouldn't have taken it so personally and it isn't something she can just change even if she tried. Try giving him knowledge from reading this forum, but also be willing to try to tell him what goes through your mind and what you feel the best you can....even if it doesn't make sense, he will know you are then trying.

Users who thank cloudrunner for this post: CarolDiane antigone

CarolDiane

replied on July 2nd, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Hi again Cat

I just wanted to add, that it is literally hell for us sometimes nevertheless for those around us that have no clue what we are going through. Let me inlighten you a bit so you know you are not along and I hope some will follow with thier experience to help you on this road to a wonderful relationship that I know you can have.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar back in 1985 through specific blood work up. There was no doubt through this result that indeed I was Bipolar. Now, the awearness has become so much part of life, there is no need for the blood work anymore. Doctors now are able to go through a gambit of symptoms to make a conclusive diagnosis. I personally think it is wonderful. So many more people can now live normal lifestyles.
There have been times that I would go so manic, I would litterally go ballistic on the person I was targeting with such anger. I would lock myself in my room for days and not eat or talk to anyone. I wanted to die. I was ugly, useless, and unloved.
The truth is. I made it that way. I had one of the best childhoods any girl could want in the days where you paid .15 cents for a pack of ciggerettes and I was even able as a teen go and get them for my mom. I had no clue that I could control my life. My destiny was up to me. And in those days, that is all we had. There was no medication. I was put on Lithium for about a month and was over the edge and went toxic. I throw them down the tolet.
I am proud to say, after 30 year coming out of the closet with my disorder and now being on two wonderful medications, I can lead a life that I never knew exsisted.
I just wanted to share that with you for what it may be worth. Hope this helps you.

Hugs,
Carrie

2ferente

replied on July 4th, 2008

New User

im confused

so is medication the answer or not?

CarolDiane

replied on July 4th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

For Bipolar, IMHO I would have to say yes. But, keep in mind that any medication needs the help of the patient themselves. ei....Researching how to help yourself cope, theropy, support groups like here on the board. Medication is not the magic potion that many think it is. It needs the constant daily strategies and put into action coping and awearness of your mood swings. Every day is hard road for us. But, we still put up the fight like troppers. Medication helps us to live as close to normal lives as we possibily can. But please understand, that it is sometimes hard for us to find what it is that is normal for us.

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