hard time dealing with Bipolar Disorder Posted: 07-01-08 22:16pm
I'm 22 years old and my boyfriend is 24.
We've been together for about 5 months. I
have BipolarII. The first month we were
together everything was perfect.. I had no
episodes whatsover. Then I started going
into a depression for a month or so. Then
things would get normal. Now I've been
having stages of hypomania that have been
lasting about 2 weeks at a time. I get
EXTREMELY irritable and mean. I say
things I don't mean and EVERYTHING upsets
me, I'm very irrational. When I'm
"normal" I am the best girlfriend anyone
could be. I cook him dinner everynight,
breakfast everymorning hes over, rub his
back after work, hes remodeling a house
and I go over during the day and help his
father do work on it (I even brought a
trailer load of trash to the dump with him
haha), I take care of him when hes sick...
I would do anything for him. The
hypomania is starting to become too much
for him. Before he would just get
frustrated but he always wanted to see me
everyday of the week. Now its getting to
the point where hes walking away from me
and not wanting to see me. I asked him
today if he misses me and he said "yeah
when you're you." He understands (as much
as someone whos new to this thing can)
what Bipolar Disorder is and does, but its
still hard for him to sit there and take
the abuse. I'll do things like start
bashing his cousin out of nowhere saying
shes easy and a biotch (hes very close to
her), I'll get upset over myspace if he
changes his picture to one that I"m not
in, I get upset over the littlest things
and blow them into huge fights. Its like
I literally can not control myself when
this happens, but when he goes to leave I
freak out and start crying and begging. I
am very insecure (well sometimes I get the
cocky side of mania where I think I"m the
hottest thing out there, but a lot of the
time everything in my life seems unsure).
I get upset if he doesnt want to have sex
with me. I just get upset about anything
and everything. I don't know how to
control myself. The doc is upping my
lamictal and gave me some xanax to take
when i start to get out of hand.
Anyways I went to his house today, which i
wasn't supposed to do, to bring him a gift
(A CD and a card I wrote a huge letter
in)... and we talked. He gets it but he
just can't handle it and seems so burnt
out from it all. He said we would talk
tomorrow and we'll hang out at some point
this week (at least by thursday). I'm
scared that if tomorrow he doesnt want to
talk or see me I will lose it. I dont
know how to just relax and let things run
their course. If I lose it it will
probably be the end of us because I can't
keep doing this to him.
Does anyone have any advice????
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rock_digger
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Never Bash Family Members Posted: 07-02-08 03:07am
Hey Kat,
You aren't the first or the last person to
make this mistake. The end result is you
put the other person on the defensive.
Another way to try and explain it is if
you have any brothers or sisters. You can
get mad and say things to each other that
are downright despicable but heaven forbid
someone not closely related says something
about your family member.
I think this issue is more on the maturity
and self esteem that BP. I don't really
think he has an issue with the illness but
more of what your saying when you become
insecure. As my grandfather used to tell
us...if you haven't got something good to
say, why say anything at all. You need to
take the higher ground and if this
relationship was meant to be....it will
flourish on its own.
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KatG
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jul 2008 Posts: 6
Posted: 07-02-08 06:20am
Thanks. I know I should never insult a
family member. When I was doing it it was
like I was out of control. I am very
insecure. I don't know how to feel more
confident. Now that theres been problems
its even harder to feel confident when he
does decide to hang out with me. I'm
going to worry that he doesn't feel the
same anymore, or I'm going to do something
irrational. I just don't know how to step
away and deal with my own emotions without
it turning into a fight.
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KatG
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jul 2008 Posts: 6
Posted: 07-02-08 06:47am
I just talked to him. He wants to see me
tonight and he loves me and all that. I
asked if I could go with him and all of
his/my friends out downtown tomorrow night
and he said "we'll see how things go
between now and then." Thats hard for me
to deal with. Now ontop of trying to deal
with my hypomania, I have to feel like I'm
being tested. I feel like a little kid
whos parent tells them if they behave
they'll get an icecream cone later. Ugh.
I dont know how to keep my emotions in
check for this.
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CarolDiane
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2396
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Posted: 07-02-08 10:56am
Mybe, just maybe you can try this. I truly
believe for the most part that a lack of
full understanding of the disorder is the
cause for relationships and families to
fail. You first need to know all you can
about this disorder and how it can affect
others in your life. I am sure your
already know how it has and does affect
you. If you can not comfront him with
streangh and knowledge and feel
comfortable standing tall with it. What I
personally would do is round up as much
information from seaching the forums here
and copy any relivent pages you may think
might help. I could be very helpfull for
him to see that you are not alone and this
does not have to be an end of the road for
either of you.
Hope this helps,
Carrie
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cloudrunner
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Posted: 07-02-08 12:47pm
I have to agree with CarolDiane. Knowledge
helps a lot. Thought it is probably too
late for me and my bipolar ex girlfriend,
I have started to see things differently
and separate parts of her behavior from
those caused by bipolar disorder. Though
it doesn't help me just accept her
behavior, by understanding parts of why
she does what she does based on her
similar actions of other bipolars, it
makes it easier on me to see that I
shouldn't have taken it so personally and
it isn't something she can just change
even if she tried. Try giving him
knowledge from reading this forum, but
also be willing to try to tell him what
goes through your mind and what you feel
the best you can....even if it doesn't
make sense, he will know you are then
trying.
I just wanted to add, that it is literally
hell for us sometimes nevertheless for
those around us that have no clue what we
are going through. Let me inlighten you a
bit so you know you are not along and I
hope some will follow with thier
experience to help you on this road to a
wonderful relationship that I know you can
have.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar back in 1985
through specific blood work up. There was
no doubt through this result that indeed I
was Bipolar. Now, the awearness has become
so much part of life, there is no need for
the blood work anymore. Doctors now are
able to go through a gambit of symptoms to
make a conclusive diagnosis. I personally
think it is wonderful. So many more people
can now live normal lifestyles.
There have been times that I would go so
manic, I would litterally go ballistic on
the person I was targeting with such
anger. I would lock myself in my room for
days and not eat or talk to anyone. I
wanted to die. I was ugly, useless, and
unloved.
The truth is. I made it that way. I had
one of the best childhoods any girl could
want in the days where you paid .15 cents
for a pack of ciggerettes and I was even
able as a teen go and get them for my mom.
I had no clue that I could control my
life. My destiny was up to me. And in
those days, that is all we had. There was
no medication. I was put on Lithium for
about a month and was over the edge and
went toxic. I throw them down the tolet.
I am proud to say, after 30+ year coming
out of the closet with my disorder and now
being on two wonderful medications, I can
lead a life that I never knew exsisted.
I just wanted to share that with you for
what it may be worth. Hope this helps
you.
Hugs,
Carrie
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2ferente
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jul 2008 Posts: 2
im confused Posted: 07-04-08 22:01pm
so is medication the answer or not?
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CarolDiane
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2396
Thanks: 111
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Posted: 07-04-08 22:12pm
For Bipolar, IMHO I would have to say yes.
But, keep in mind that any medication
needs the help of the patient themselves.
ei....Researching how to help yourself
cope, theropy, support groups like here on
the board. Medication is not the magic
potion that many think it is. It needs the
constant daily strategies and put into
action coping and awearness of your mood
swings. Every day is hard road for us.
But, we still put up the fight like
troppers. Medication helps us to live as
close to normal lives as we possibily can.
But please understand, that it is
sometimes hard for us to find what it is
that is normal for us.
