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April 8th, 2009
This is not physical but its 6 am again and I can't sleep again because I can't face waking up to another day of my life.
I have just found out my boyfriend contracted HP genital warts virus from his ex girlfriend and did not get himself properly informed of future risks to partners. This was two years ago and we don't use condoms.

The year before he got me pregnant although he says it is my fault as I wanted him at the time - stupid I know -and when I went for the morning after pill it was slightly out of time as I had acute cystitis at the time. It was just after my period and I thought it would be OK.

My boyfriends thinks I am overacting about the warts and virus and he is telling me that I never wanted children and always made a "mind game" that I did not want babies so the abortion was my own decision as what I wanted.

I stated i did not want a babies all the time as he would not use condoms and I did not want a baby when we were not working or secure jobs. He tells me in his country it is no big stigma to have an abortion and his family would have felt sorry for me but it's what happens, and that genital warts are what everyone has.

I can't breath for the feeling inside - why would after doing this to me, not be caring - but to under mind what I went through having that abortion at 29 and now I am in USA and I have no one to talk to until I get back to UK, but I can't bear the feelings of it all or his dismissing it like this after I went through it. On the day of the abortion he did not understand and went to the pub.

I can't help how I feel about my abortion - it was my baby - yet he thinks that is a catholic thing and undermines me with the flippancy of his family/Swedish views and that his sister had one anyway. Please tell me there is not a woman in the world that may feel the consequence of what this - even if you think it is right or wrong.

How can I make the feeling go away and more importantly him to value everything as serious, painful and upsetting for me.
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bell101
replied April 10th, 2009
I really don't like the sound of this guy, he really doesn't seem to respect u and what u want, i would say to leave him, you deserve better!
I also had an abortion, i am glad i made that decision and wouldn't change that...but it doesn't mean it is/was easy, i still think about it everyday(it was a year ago, and i had just turned 18 the week before)
I am also a catholic and felt as a huge burden lay on my shoulders...
But know this...
God has forgiven you, now you have to forgive yourself...i know its easier said than done, but is possible.
My boyfriend also didn't see it as that big a deal at the time, but understood how it affected me, wether wanting a child or not, loosing one is something only a woman can truly understand,
Its something you will carry with you forever, But you need to grieve and come to terms with it, and pray.
It took me a while before i felt i could pray or even go to church, as i felt perhaps i was not welcome because of what i had done, so i started looking on the internet, and found loads of sites teeling me that god forgives those who have had abortions and realises the burden you bear. Pray for your child, it helps!

I really do hope you are ok,
Best of luck with everything.
xxx
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starship33
replied May 3rd, 2009
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people in different cultures and countries are different. for example my African g/f would eat with her fingers, and she said being naked in front of family isn't a big deal.

my other friend had an abortion years ago and feels sad when she thinks about it.
he's not a good guy, he's not man-ing up to his mistakes. warts is something you keep for the rest of your life. that's why it's so important to use condoms with guys b/c no matter how you feel about the person, you never know what they have.
that's just like you giving him aids and telling him "oh, people live with this for a long time, you'll be okay"
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