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Q: guys mentality..

asked by: CoolGlassofH2O on April 27th, 2008

Experienced User

i found out weeks ago that my boyfriends ex baby mamma still has feelings for him. i was on his phone ordering pizza for us and our friends and a txt came thru from her (i know i know i already feel bad cause i read it)

anyways in it she said she was drinking and thinking that the reason she confesed that she used her new boyfriend as an excuse for him not to go visit his daughter was she was angry that he loved me and jealous because he lived with me Shocked

and that she just couldnt bare to see him leave again. i didnt confront him, i was shocked cause she had done something so stupid,childish and wrong in not letting him see his lil girl.

i didnt confront him or anything cause i felt he would tell me when he felt ready, but he hasnt. that night he was quiet and looked a little irritated but he would still hold me, kiss me etc he didnt change towards me at all.
hes actually become a little bit more loving since then, looking me in the eyes, telling me he loves me, helping out around the house more. i even heard him telling his best friend he knew he had something true and good and that he really loved me etc Razz

so im just wondering why didnt he feel the need to tell me something like that? maybe he didnt feel it was important because he knows he has something good and does love me? guys perspective would be great thank you!!

Replies(11)

LostInWI

replied on April 30th, 2008

New User

Here is a guys perspective.

He no longer cares for his ex. So telling you he got some stupid rambling from someone he no longer has any feelings for would be irrelevant to his feelings for you and he may just feel that if he were to share this with you, it may cause stress on yours and his relationship.
The only connection he has with his ex is due to his child.

Does he talk to you about his child and how he feels about his child?

PlacidIntricacy

replied on April 30th, 2008

Experienced User

Another guy's perspective.

Sounds like he has no intrest in her, which you probably know. and dont worry for snooping in his phone. everyone gets carried away every now and then and does something "childish" like that. taking someone away from seeing their kid is a horrible thing to do. i would go crazy. and if he loves you, he loves you and you shouldn't have to worry about anything in the first place.

Ex's can be difficult though. espesially if they still have feelings. The thing you have to realise is there really REALLY shouldn't be anything that should keep a father (or mother) away from their child... and you have to give him that. If he thinks he really has something good, everything should be just fine. =D

PlacidIntricacy

replied on April 30th, 2008

Experienced User

Another guy's perspective.

Rosie H

replied on April 30th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

I would have to agree with the guys perspective. They know how other men think.

But I feel he did not say anything cause it really wasnt a big deal. Also he didnt want to upset what he now has with you. Dont worry.

CoolGlassofH2O

replied on May 1st, 2008

Experienced User

LostInWi, he actually does talk to me about her, when he gets pics he shows them to me and i comment cause i get mushy cause shes so cute lol he tells me how shes doing, school, etc lil things like that.

so hes very open about his daughter with me Smile

you guys are right, i had a feeing that he didnt tell me cause he doesnt feel anything for her anymore and telling me would jus cause unnecessary stress between us. i dont object to him having a daughter or even going to visit her at all i even supported him when he was making plans to go, until she lied and made up that stupid excuse. but thank you so much guys really i appeciate your input : )

Beline

replied on May 1st, 2008

Supporter

I commend you on being so supportive. He’s a lucky man, and he obviously knows it.

LostInWI

replied on May 1st, 2008

New User

The fact that he talks/shares his daughter with you should speak volumes more about him and how he feels about you, instead of some rambling of an EX.

I would recommend that you feel more secure in your relationship with him because he shares something that is important and dear to him, and even more secure in the fact that he choose to not bring in the extra baggage of his EX into your relationship.
And even more-so because you cared enough to find out more for yourself.

Good luck to the both of you.

CoolGlassofH2O

replied on May 1st, 2008

Experienced User

aww thanx you guys, you guys are great at giving advice you made my day! Smile

Willa Weintraub

replied on May 13th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Maybe he didn't say anything because he knows you read it. You can tell when people read text messages because it doesn't show up as unread anuymore. maybe he acted irritated because you read it but didn't want to say anything. He wants to let you know how much he cares for YOU and not his ex.

CoolGlassofH2O

replied on May 27th, 2008

Experienced User

i know him, if it would have been like that im pretty sure he would have confronted me about it. but its been a while since this happened and although she is still sending him pictures of his daughter and keeping him up to date,he doesnt have the usual communication he had with her before. hes told me if she starts a conversation he ends it. inless its about his daughter needing something or wanting to talk to him then he.ll talk with her.but everything is going great right now for us Smile

thanx everyone!

Xalleah08

replied on June 1st, 2008

Experienced User

Don't worry about it. Tell him you read the stupid message and that you know he loves you but you feel guilty for reading the message and doubting him a little for the short time you did. Reassure him that you think his daughter is cute and adorable and that you think that she should just let him see his daughter. Tell him the truth about the situation and see what he says. he probably wont' get mad.

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