i kinda understand. i dont know how to tell you to stop. everyone has their own way. mine was religious . i stopped for over a year but in april went back. i then realized that however long i dont do it i make up for it when i do. when i started again i cut so much i ran out of room on my body yet still found some. of course i had to play it a little different . i stopped wearing a jacket all the time so i knew it would seem suspicious. my aunt found out and now i'm seeing a counselor.its been about a month since i cut. the guilt eats me up inside. also my counselor asks me every week about it and i dont know what he'd do if i said yes. frankly it would just be another disappointment. my parents dont know i started again and im glad just because i know they would be upset and i have finally felt like i made them proud. its hard to deal with and most people dont understand. everyone tinks youre stupid even the druggies who arent really any better.the fact of the matter is you have to face it. you have to conquer it and it wont be easy. everytime i promised someone i would stop part of me believed it. i would stop for a month and realized i am no longer just lying to other people i am lying to myself but i also now believe maybe thats because i never really wanted to let go. cutting is all i know but if you really truly want to stop you can. maybe you need to go back to counseling. im finding that i feel comfortable with counseling and it is keeping me from cutting. theres also very many methods to help like the rubberband. for me personally it didnt help but all cutters are different. if its what you want then just believe in yourself and believe that it can be done because i do. if you ever need someone to talk to you can always message me