Single Parents Forum - going to court for visitation..

Parenting > Single Parents Forum > going to court for visitation..

Q: going to court for visitation..

asked by: hiiiibrittt69 on August 11th, 2009

New User

i'm 17 years old, and i have a little almost 9 month old baby girl! she's my whole world, my everything, she made me strong, and i love her with every part of me. her and her biological father aren't together. and really, as rude as it sounds, i don't want him to be in her life. i mean i was bringing her over there, and everything, for him and his family to see her, they never did anything for her, they never bought her anything, i mean, yeah they bought her used clothes that had stains all over them, and a crib that was only 50 dollars, half broken, andd it was illegal. now i tried my best to let them be in her life, as much as i could, but once i wasn't bringing her over much, they started threatening me with everything, saying that they're not helping anymore or anything. i mean he wouldn't even change her diaper, feed her, change her into her pajama's, put her to sleep nothing. he's 22 years old, and just now got a job, and when i asked one day to have some money to get OUR daughter diapers, he said he was broke, and then i said what about your mom, and he said we're all broke! which i know for a fact was a lie, because they had just bought a 1,000 dollar dog, and they were gettting all this new stufff. now then he said why don't you try harder to get a job? you're so lazy, you have a baby to support, so stop depending on others to help you. i'm a minor, i'm still in school, in schoool, and everything. although it's good for me to have a job, but where does he get off calling me lazy when it toook him like his entire life to get a job. but anyways, i'm just opening your guys' eyes on this subject; i'm just ccurious; he plans on taking me to court, and i dcan't afford one at the moment, so will it be that he'll get full custody, and get what he wants like he sayys?

Replies(8)

wendyrs

replied on August 12th, 2009

Supporter

He sounds like a real jerk and he is too immature to realize that the things you are asking for are for his daughter, not you. Does he give you any child support? I don't know where you live but in the U.S. the father must pay child support if he is not living with the mother and child. My advice to you would be to continue to allow your daughter to have some visits with her father and his family just to keep the peace. Also, as he matures he may someday be a good father to her. So again, my advice to you would be to sit down with your daughter's father and make a schedule for visits and decide who will pay for what for your daughter. This child is his responsibility as much as she is yours. You seem to be the more responsible and loving parent so continue to do the right thing. You sound like a really good, loving mother..Be sure to finish school and come to a set schedule and such with her father. This way he won't feel threatened that he isn't seeing her enough and you don't have to worry about him taking you to court for custody. I divorced my sons' father when they were very little. I bit my tongue many times just to keep the peace and now that they are older I know I made the right decision to keep the relationship friendly. I hope this helps..

Wendy

hiiiibrittt69

replied on August 13th, 2009

New User

well i went to child support in june, and nothing has happened. he told me he's not paying child support, because he will get what he wants, and that is taking her away from me. but thank you, your advice helps

wendyrs

replied on August 13th, 2009

Supporter

He won't change her diaper but he wants to take her away from you. You need to document every little thing he does when he's around her and every thing he says to you, like the threats of taking her away. He has to prove that you are an unfit parent first of all. Second, when you go in with that list and show that he refuses to pay child support he's going to look like a deadbeat dad. If I were you I would search for some free or low cost legal help. Google the Internet and get as much information as you can. How do you support your daughter? Are you living at home with parents? This will make a difference too.

hiiiibrittt69

replied on August 13th, 2009

New User

yes i'm still living at home with my parents, my entire family, and boyfriend help out with everything, and i just got a job, so i'll be supporting her too. i'm trying to search everything possible. he's just the type of person where him and his family think they know everything about the law, and such. it's beyond stupid if you ask me. i know for a fact i'm nooo where close to being an unfit mother, i've giving up a lot, i'm still a child myself, yet i'm raising one, and he's the adult, and he says how he's a great parent and what not, i'd like to know how, because once he gets the chance he doesn't do anything to help at alll. i've even tried talking to his mom about all of this, and she said it's because he's hurt about this, and everything. there's always an excuse as to how he's acting.

wendyrs

replied on August 13th, 2009

Supporter

Yeah, he sounds really selfish. You know you're a good mother, you've got your family behind you, a new job...Don't let him get you down and don't stress over him getting custody of your daughter...I would follow up with the child support issue though. Hey, if he refuses to pay it's just one more thing against him if you should go to court.

breck08

replied on August 14th, 2009

Supporter

hiiiibrittt69, First of all take the advice given above from Wendyrs. Sit down with the father and propose a set time for visitation. Because of your daughter's age every other weekend will suffice for now. I cannot stress this enough documentation is crucial. Neglect of child support is not grounds for denial of visitation. You need to present yourself as a devoted mother and one that will look past the bitterness and hurt for the good of your child. Like it or not he will always be in the picture. Drop the attitude you don't want him around. You do not need that showing through. You may say you don't show it, but if you feel it, you show it. Its human nature and just the basis of how a mother is. I have been there I know. Your communication needs to be strictly about your daughter. Do not tell him what he is not doing. Once you have a proposal done, certify mail him a copy. You can catch more bees with honey. Just remember that. Smile

Is he on the birth certificate? If he is not then he doesn't have a hill of beans to stand on. He will have to go to court, petition paternity, then custody. If he is? Great that's all you need to go through the proper guidelines for support. You stated you went in June? Follow up! Sometimes they do get behind. If it does come down to court and you do not have means for representation? Then represent yourself. You can enter as Pro Se. I will be more than willing to help as much as I can. Good Luck.

hiiiibrittt69

replied on August 14th, 2009

New User

see, i always ask him if he wants to see her, but he never says anything back, he ignores it. and the only time he wants to talk is when he wants to complain, and threaten me with numerous things. i don't understand how he can think he's taking her away from me. he may get visitation but he willl not take her away from me, or let alone turning her against me. i'm the one who raised her ever since she was born, and done everything possible for her. i gave up everything, and yes he's on the birth certificate. thank you. he told me two weeks ago that i should be getting papers in the mail from court, and still no papers. when my dad had to go through this, he got papers within a few days. he's kinda the type of person who makes stuff up, and nothing happens. i don't think he really wants to deal with being a parent, because then he can't go out doing the stuff he loves doing. he'll just pawn her off onto his mother. i think that's honestly the only reason why he's trying to act like this, and stuff, all for his mom. i do believe he doesn't really care. but hey that's my opinion. and thank you, i'll need a lot of help

breck08

replied on August 14th, 2009

Supporter

No more asking. Request a meeting and agree on 1st and 3rd or 2nd and 4th weekends. Document everything in the mean time. If he takes you to court?.....Good! Be careful when she is of age saying I did this and I did that and he did nothing. A child does not or will not fully understand that until they are hurt by the back and forth process. Believe me Actions Speak louder than Words! Say it repeatedly everyday. Play smart right now. If you do get papers, then message me. Tell me what the grounds are? Try to remember you really do not know his intentions at all. So lets work on changing those few things and I will be here to baby step with you!

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