Hi everyone, firstly thanks for taking the time to read this and any subsequent advice you may provide.
I am not a victim of abuse or anything remotely as bad as some of the good folks on here *hats off to you*. I am here to ask for your help and guidance.
I am currently in the early stages of a relationship with a very lovely, very gorgeous girl who's just a couple of years younger than me, I am in my late 20's. Since we started dating and seeing each other I have noticed that she is very much a ‘closed book’ and quite withdrawn. At first I thought it was just nerves or shyness, but she later admitted to me that she struggles with relationships. Things were (and still are somewhat) stand off-ish between us.
I have been trying to tackle the shyness issue to try and break down some barriers, break the ice. Like a clumsy fool I have done this without knowing about her past, I know that it is not entirely my fault but I still feel really bad for it. Like I have been pursuing the issue whilst blind. We eventually spoke at length, it was very close and intimate and I could really feel that she trusted me. Then she told me that she had been abused as a child by a neighbour, that she was bullied at school and that made her life hell. She has not been able to open up to people and as a result her relationships have really struggled.
I felt like I had been smacked across the face with a plank of wood when she told me this. I didn’t know what to say or think. I just cuddled her and didn’t want to ask her any questions in case she felt pressured into talking about it.
I can see that whatever has happened to her is still to this day having a significant bearing on her life and in turn our relationship. I am trying my best to do the right thing. I just want her to know what I am there and I want to make it better for her. But I feel like I’m running around a minefield whilst blindfolded!
Our relationship is very much in the early stages. However, I really like this girl very much and I can see good things in us. I know that she is interested in a relationship but she tells me that she doesn’t understand why I don’t just leave her and move on as she is too much hassle!
I don’t know if anyone can relate to what I am talking about here. I really need to know how I can turn this girl’s life around. I know I want to be with her and I want her to be able to pursue a normal life.
Your thoughts and guidance would be very much appreciated.
Thanks