Hi everyone, firstly thanks for taking the time to read this and any subsequent advice you may provide.
I am not a victim of abuse or anything remotely as bad as some of the good folks on here *hats off to you*. I am here to ask for your help and guidance.
I am currently in the early stages of a relationship with a very lovely, very gorgeous girl who's just a couple of years younger than me, I am in my late 20's. Since we started dating and seeing each other I have noticed that she is very much a ‘closed book’ and quite withdrawn. At first I thought it was just nerves or shyness, but she later admitted to me that she struggles with relationships. Things were (and still are somewhat) stand off-ish between us.
I have been trying to tackle the shyness issue to try and break down some barriers, break the ice. Like a clumsy fool I have done this without knowing about her past, I know that it is not entirely my fault but I still feel really bad for it. Like I have been pursuing the issue whilst blind. We eventually spoke at length, it was very close and intimate and I could really feel that she trusted me. Then she told me that she had been abused as a child by a neighbour, that she was bullied at school and that made her life hell. She has not been able to open up to people and as a result her relationships have really struggled.
I felt like I had been smacked across the face with a plank of wood when she told me this. I didn’t know what to say or think. I just cuddled her and didn’t want to ask her any questions in case she felt pressured into talking about it.
I can see that whatever has happened to her is still to this day having a significant bearing on her life and in turn our relationship. I am trying my best to do the right thing. I just want her to know what I am there and I want to make it better for her. But I feel like I’m running around a minefield whilst blindfolded!
Our relationship is very much in the early stages. However, I really like this girl very much and I can see good things in us. I know that she is interested in a relationship but she tells me that she doesn’t understand why I don’t just leave her and move on as she is too much hassle!
I don’t know if anyone can relate to what I am talking about here. I really need to know how I can turn this girl’s life around. I know I want to be with her and I want her to be able to pursue a normal life.
Your thoughts and guidance would be very much appreciated.
sadly my girlfriend was in the same circumstances in her youth....the only thing u can really do is show her how much u feel for her and make sure she knows ull always lend an ear and be there for her....also most important thing to do is give her time to get used to u and be more comfortable emotionally with u....thats what i did with my girl friend and now she thinks of me as her rock...hope it helps mate!