I've been in a relationship for many months now, and I've been having issues with pleasuring my girlfriend sexually.
I know that many guys probably have this issue, but I mean it when I say that she is VERY hard to please. There is nothing "wrong" with her, as she can bring herself to orgasm very quickly and very frequently through masturbation, and although she says that sex always feels fantastic, I have been unable to give her an orgasm as yet through any method.
In penetration, she says she needs it "as hard and as fast as possible", which - predictably - I cannot sustain for too long, either becoming physically or sexually devoid of stamina. In oral sex, she will let me lick her as long as I want, and although I ask her to tell me what she likes and does not like, it never seems to really excite her, and instead just "feels good". I do get a response with fingers, sometimes, but she says they feel "annoying" and, apparently, can sometimes hurt a little bit, too. Again, I can finger her for a long time without really seeing any "escalation" towards an orgasm.
She says that my penis is too big for her. It's not huge by any means, just normal or a tiny bit bigger... but she seems to see this as a hindrance rather than something to lust over or be happy about, which kind of annoys me. I try to encourage her to think more positively about this, and to be glad I'm not too small, but some positions (e.g. doggy style) can be painful for her.
She has had orgasms from all of these methods in the past - from a previous boyfriend - something which is REALLY affecting my confidence in the relationship. Granted, she was with this particular guy for 4 years and had less than 10 orgasms, but the fact remains that he succeeded (sometimes) where I have yet to succeed!
Does it seem like she is genuinely very hard to please, or is this level of pleasure on par with what most women experience? I honestly thought that most girls would have more than 10 orgasms in 4 years but please correct me if I'm wrong!
I am really beginning to worry about her satisfaction with me... I would love to hear any tips or stories about people in similar situations, and how I might give her the pleasure that I so desire to give.
ask her what she thinks of when she masturbates, try to make it a reality. maybe watch porns together while naked then have sex. try getting a mirror and position it where you guys can watch yourselves have sex. tell her to rub her clit while your having sex with her, try different positions.. ask her to get on top and you rub her clit.. maybe even get a clit massager for when your eating her out.
if she doesnt orgasm from any of these..then she is really hard to satisfy.
Sometimes if a woman pleases herself often it can cause the man in her life to work harder than he would if she wasn't pleasing herself. I bet if she would decide to draw away from masterbating for at least a week having sex with you would bring her vast amounts of pleasure. Hopefully she is not addicted to masterbating. If she is she should try pulling away from it slowly...like maybe doing it once a day or everyother day for the sake of you guys' relationship. Also, what one man can do another man may not be able to do simply because each man is build differently. With one guy she may enjoy all positions but another guy will only please her when hitting it from behind. There are many things that can play into being please sexually...but I think if she will masterbate less it will give you more room to please her.
I think Nidur may have hit on something. If she is masturbating too much, she may not be getting excited enough to orgasm. She also may have desensitized herself a bit, based on her telling you to go as hard and fast as possible. Maybe going softer will slowly get her nerves more sensitized and she might have an easier time achieving orgasm.
Since she can reliably masturbate to orgasm, have her show you what she does (either as she does it or have her instruct you as you do it). Use extra lubrication if you need to, especially if the area is becoming irritated--just make sure it's water-based if you guys are using dental dams and condoms (which I hope you are unless you are both totally clean of all possible STDs).
Also, you (and other guys) need to stop focusing on orgasm as the only "goal" and instead focus more on intimacy and pleasure. She says sex feels fantastic, which doesn't sound like a complaint to me. Yet you still compare yourself to her previous boyfriend (who didn't seem to get very far even after four years). Stop that! She's not with him. She's with you. It is going to take time for you to both feel comfortable and learn what the other person likes. Give it time. Also, for a lot of young women, orgasm can be difficult. It gets easier with age.
At 20, any masturbation she's engaged in is an aid to her reaching orgasm with a partner. If you feel that masturbation is training her to orgasm without you, don't discourage the act that helps her open herself to orgasm. Be with her when she masturbates, learn how she touches herself, try to masturbate for her.
I'm not saying she should stop because exploring her body will help her get more comfortable with her sexuality and learn what she likes so she can instruct her partner. I'm just saying if she's doing it so much that she's either desensitizing herself or taking away her desire or ability to orgasm when she has sex, that's not good. Personally, I can't orgasm with my boyfriend if I've masturbated in the last two days. Just doesn't happen. There has to be a balance.
Also, if she finds it weird or uncomfortable to masturbate in front of you, that's okay. I think a lot of people would. Just encourage her to instruct you on what to do and to move around if she thinks it will help. Don't get frustrated--either of you. Just enjoy being together and the rest will happen.
I don't disagree that Masturbation can be an issue, I just don't see it in this case. When I was 20 my body was ready to go pretty constantly regardless of how many times I came in the morning I was able orgasm with my partner that night. I attribute my comfort with my body to masturbation and I don't know where I'd be sexually if someone had led me to believe masturbation was hindering my ability to orgasm.
Everything about sex is weird and uncomfortable especially when you bring someone else into the act. If it didn't feel so good we probably wouldn't make it as a species. I really think this girl would benefit from associating an act that allows her to masturbate with her lover she's struggling to masturbate with. Also men aren't vocal learners. They have to touch things, especially to understand ideas like pace and pressure in terms of sex. If you can teach your boyfriend how to make you orgasm with his hands instead of yours, suddenly he becomes a pro at making you orgasm.