Hello,
I need to point out this is a long-distance rleationship where she lives in England and I live in Wales.
Well let's get right too it, Me and my Girlfriend have been together for over 4 years now, We've had a few arguments here and there and broken up in the heat of the argument but get straight back together the following day but one time we broke up properly, it was about 3 weeks. I cut all contact with her in fear of becoming depressed over it but my feelings for her came back and bit me in the ass and i started missing her, So 3 weeks since the breakup I contacted her and It turned out to be very bad timing, as I found out a few days later that night I contacted her was the night she had slept with another guy she had been dating for the past couple of weeks (Met someone so quickly?!?!?!)
This obviously hit me hard as when we go tinto the relationship 4 years before we were both Virgins, We both were eachother's Firsts which meant a lot to me. I've only ever slept with 1 woman which is her but she had now slept with another man.. This is causing me so many issues!!!
It's been a few months since this incident, and we've been together happily as I push the fact she slept with another guy to the back of my mind but it keeps coming back every now and then and it causes me to feel so depressed, I question if I should be with her due to it, I then become angry and feel as I need to "get even" and sleep with someone also.
I don't know what's wrong with me, Even at times where I feel that I should leave her, I can't. Whenever I do break it off, I always get back with her not long afterwards. Am I afraid of losing her? Or am I afraid of being alone? Am I somehow trapped within this relationship?
I don't know how to deal witt he thought of her sleepign with another man. It haunts my thoughts mostly at nights, I feel so hurt that she could do that so soon after our 4 year long relationship. We were 15 when we got together, were both 19 now and we both never had any other relationships while within this one.
Can someone understand this mess? I really don't know what's going on inside my own mind! It's like a hurricane of emotions. At one point I'm happy with her, then that thought hit's me of her sleepign with that guy, I'm instantly depressed, I then feel angry and right back to depressed to the point where all I can think about is how EASY it can be to end my life, No more suffering, No more pain, I'd NEVER have to suffer again but I've never been able to push myself to do it. I've goten so far to walking 8 miles in the middle of th enight to the ocean and standing on the edge of the pier ready to just jump and drown my troubles away, I understand this is not right and life should not be thrown away but when you feel as bad as I do at times you'd see why I'd consider it. Why death is such a tempting offer, It's a ticket to freedom.
Sorry If this is very dark and long, I just needed to get this out and I hope anyone can make any sense of this. I love her a lot, She seems to be the "one" and imaginign losing her feels like a nightmare but this thought of her sleepin with him.. is also a nightmare. I feel as if Im stuck and no matter what I do I'll be eternally depressed.
Saving 
