So here's the situation.

I'm a 25-year-old male, living in Spain this year teaching English.

A few weeks after I got here (early October), I met an amazing Spanish girl. She's beautiful, a musician, caring, outgoing, has a great personality. (She also has cyclothymia, a mild, borderline bipolar disorder, but we always have to take the bad with the good, right?).

Things got serious quickly, and by Christmas when it was time for me to go back for the holidays, we had said I Love You, referred to each other as bf/gf, etc. The time I was in the States we talked at least an hour every day, and got even closer. We're both kind of insecure, jealous types, so we had our rough spots, of course, but generally it's been good. I have always been afraid she will leave me for a musician, she has the same fear about Italian girls (I was an Italian major in college and would love to go back live in Italy).

In February, she came to my apartment and burst into tears. She told me about her depressive disorder, how she's stressed about the teacher-licensing exams she has to take in June, how she sometimes just needs to withdraw from everything, and maybe she shouldn't be with anyone at the moment. I calm her down and convince her that withdrawing from life is not going to solve her problems. She decides that we can stay together.

However, my paranoid side kicked in, and I installed a keylogger on my computer. I grabbed her password for email and Facebook the day before she left, and have been checking up on her ever since. I never found anything incriminating (until... see below.

Fast forward to now. Some personality differences have begun to show more clearly, but I love her more than ever. We've said that if it isn't going to work, we have to decide that before I make a decision as to come back next year or not.

I stopped reading her email for a while, but in the last few weeks she started becoming more distant and strange around me. Fearing the worst, I had a moment of panic and went back into her email and Facebook this Monday.

She was planning to stay over last night, but called me yesterday morning to tell me a (female) friend was coming in from out of town and needed to stay at her house. She asked me if I would mind if they just stayed in at her house, which is in a small town about four miles from here.

I said OK, having no reason to believe she was lying. All the same, I logged into her Facebook, and what a surprise I got. She had sent a message to the friend in question the night before asking if it would be OK to make up the whole story about the friend needing a place to say, because the "other subject" (another guy) had invited her to go out for a drink at 10 PM, and she wanted to "clear some things up as soon as possible (you know what I mean)".

Of course I was devastated. I went so crazy that I actually took the last bus to her town last night and hid outside her house to see who the other guy was. It's the bassist from her band. I knew she was beginning to be better friends with him, but I had no idea she had feelings for him. When they greeted each other, they didn't kiss, and I'm sure she wouldn't let things get too far along without breaking it off with me first. However, I don't know if I can ever trust her again.

I was checking her email and Facebook from my smartphone last night when suddenly I was kicked out. I think she realized that someone was snooping, because she changed her passwords. When I got back to my house I couldn't get into either.

She sent me a message this morning at seven AM to tell me that she had been "up all night talking" with her female friend and was going to go to sleep. I'm sure she and this guy were out all night (it's common here in Spain to come back after sunrise). Now she will be at my house in an hour and I don't know how to handle the situation.

Technically, other than lying to me about her friend's visit, I'm not really sure what she's done wrong. If she's interested in this other guy, she has to explore those feelings and make sure she really wants to be with me and not him.

If I tell her that I know about her lie, I have to tell her HOW I know, which would probably mean the end of the relationship. I know that snooping in her email is a huge violation of trust, and I wouldn't expect her to forgive me for it. But isn't going out with another guy and spending all night with him a violation as well? I guess it depends if they have feelings for each other, if they kissed or did more, etc.

I don't know if I can keep a poker face later (she already know something is bothering me), so I may end up laying all the cards on the table. I don't think I can go on without bringing this out in the open.

Sorry for the long-winded post. I've never come to a relationships forum before but I don't have anyone here I can discuss this with (with the email spying I'm sure any of the friends I have here would be disgusted with me and stop hanging out with me). What do you guys think about the situation? Can I save this? Should I try? Is it totally dysfunctional and should be scrapped?