This is the first time i've ever posted in a form like this but i'll try anything at this point. I started dating my ex-gf freshman year of college nearly 11 years ago. We were so close that we actually transferred schools together. We remained very very close till a few years after graduation, upon which she dropped the "i need some space" line on me. Well I ultimately found out that her "space" meant being with another co-worker of hers. I was devestated and tried to move on but couldn't. I found myself begging her back for months "before I knew she was cheating on me." When I found out I blew up her spot and the other guy's, who ended up being married... (ugly scene). anways.. a few months later we reconciled and got back together. Fast forward a few years to 2008. I was a floor trader in NYC. I traded commodities and the pressure was intentse. In 2008 I made over 7 figures. 2009 was not so kind to me, as I lost mostly everything I had. This is where my bi-Polar came out. I had always been diagnosed with ADD and Bi-Polar. I would fly off the handle at the slightest thing and say the meanest and most hurtfull things I could think of at the time. It seemed that me failing at work and losing nearly everything contributed to this even more. Well my ex, also in the financial field got laid off in 2009 as well and we found ourselves together 24/7 and arguing nearly every single day, with me saying "get out" all the time. I know its no excuse but people with Bi-Polar have a hard time controling what they say and do. Well she decided to move out and go back to school to become a nurse and said that we would still be together despite our distance. After she moved out I found her getting more distant by the day up until the point where she said that it's finally over. It is present day now and I can hardly eat, sleep, or function at my job. She was my best friend for nearly 11 years and I am having a terrible time moving on. She ended up finding another boyfriend 2 weeks after breaking up with me after 11 years and that hurts all the more. I just dont know what to do. I am heartbroken. I know that had I gotten more help for my issues in the past I wouldnt be in this predicament. I know I have no one to blame but myself, but I loved this girl more than anything in the world. I guess I just want to know what to do to help to move on because its just not working now, nearly 4 months after the breakup. every single good memory I can really think of includes her. 11 years is a very very long time. I know I should have put a ring on her finger, but I guess I could never really trust her after what had happened, however I still loved her very very much. i'm having a hard time coping with my life right now. I have turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. Any advice to help me get back on the right path would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
That's a tough one. I am sorry to hear of the unfortunate troubles. Drugs and alcohol are not the answer. Trust me. Coming from a girl who has struggled with drugs, I know exactly where you are coming from. I have also been with my boyfriend for 11 years with practically no separation and have had many fights with regrettable words.
I don't blame you one bit for not putting a ring on her finger. I think that was the right decision. If your gut tells you no, then listen. I can't say that would have answered the problem because I dont feel it would have. If you could not trust her, then you can't continue to build because the foundation is cracked.
There is no easy answer. Time makes it easier. You have to stay tough and busy. If you have an outside interest use your spare time to do it. For example I love art and in my spare time (when I can find it...lol) I take art classes in the Chicago area. It really does help. You sound like a very strong person. You will get through this and you will be happy again. I know right now that seems unreal but I promise it will happen. Reach out when you need to. Stay strong and this will pass. Try hard to stop with the drugs and alcohol, they only make it worse. I really hope the best for you. Sending some good vibes your way
Hang in there dear! You are gonna be just fine.