Hello everyone. I was looking for some sort of online community to discuss this with, because there isn't anyone I know who would understand. I'm 24 and my girlfriend is 20. We've been together as a couple for 6 months and live together (though we have known each other for over a year). We have a great relationship together. We have been though some really tough times together, but this is the worst.
When we first started having sex, she was on the Depo shot, and I was using condoms. Eventually we just relied on her Depo shot since she didn't like the feel of condoms. Eventually the shot ran out, but she didn't get it again. She had just lost her job, so she couldn't pay for it. She assured me it would be okay though, so we just continued to have unprotected sex. We got off lucky for 5 months without any scares, but now it happened. Her missed period would be tomorrow, but she was feeling a little sick a couple days ago and got a pregnancy test. It was one of those first response ones you can use before your missed period. And it was positive.
We have no way to support a baby now. She's in college and unemployed, and I work at minimum wage. We barely have enough for ourselves. Not only that, but the stigma of getting her "knocked up" makes me feel so incredibly horrible that I couldn't face any of my family or friends again. I just know I would get disowned by my family, and my friends would never talk to me again. It would just devastate my social life, but I know it would also kill my relationship with my girlfriend. Just thinking about having a baby now is making me physically sick, and all I want to do is break down and cry, or possibly jump off a cliff. I try my best to hide my emotions when she's around though, because she has been very emotional since she found out, and has cried herself to sleep in my arms.
We did some research, and she's looking into getting the medical abortion pill. Apparently it can be taken up to 9 weeks in. Seeing as we just found out the other day, it gives us some time to get it worked out. I've read up on the procedure, and some of the success/horror stories. She knows she has to do it, and not because I'm pressuring her or anything. It's because she's in school and we need to focus on ourselves first. With the pills it's the least intrusive as far as I can tell. It basically would just give the girl a miscarriage, right? She's pro choice too, and doesn't really see a problem with it as long as it doesn't look like a baby. Right now it's just a clump of cells.
She does have a lot of fears though. The one fear she tells me the most is that she's afraid this will be her only chance to have kids. She's afraid after this she will be infertile and never be able to conceive again. Second, while she knows she has to do it, part of her doesn't want to because it's something of "ours," even if it isn't a baby.
Anyway, I really want to know what I can do to help her out. It's obviously much scarier for her than it is for me, because I don't really have to do anything. It's her that is going to have to suffer. I'm trying to help reassure her that I'll still be there for her when this is over. She's afraid that I'll never want to touch her again after this. But I've heard that part of the cost of the abortion includes birth control. Is that true? I've heard of things you can use that last for years with almost 100% protection. It's just important to her that it won't interfere with her having babies in the future. And if we had reliable birth control, I told her that I wouldn't want to stop being intimate with her.
I'm not really sure if I'm asking anything in particular, but I really needed to vent. I'm just so worried right now. I've always made fun of those people who have kids out of wedlock and are unable to support them, but to think I could be one of them just turns my stomach. She is the one who mentioned getting an abortion first, so I think she's made up her mind. I'm just also worried what if she doesn't do it. I've been pretty calm though this whole ideal so far with the idea it will just be done and over with soon. But now it's starting to sink in that I could be in a heap of trouble. Even if she goes though with the abortion, I know she's going to be very over emotional over it, and I have to mentally prepare myself for that. I want nothing more for things to go back to the way they were, which is easy for me to say. I guess I just don't know how much scarier it is for the woman.
Can anybody chime in with their experiences. I'd especially like to hear from guys in regards to their women having abortions. Or if there is anything else you can add. Just thanks for reading. It's something I need to get off my chest, and with nobody to talk to in person, I have to resort to internet forums.