So, hopefully someone has some useful information for me here. I could just be crazy but advice would certainly be grateful.
I was married for 6 and a half years and we had 2 boys. Both of us are in the military. About 3 years into our marriage my wife had an affair, which she only told me about because the rumors were flying around base like crazy and she knew I would find out. I was furious and seriously contemplated ending our marriage then and there. But my son was only 2 years old and I really didn't want to break up our family over something that could have been a single mistake. So I did all I could to forgive her. Never brought it up, never fought about it, just took me some time to try and let it go after I found out. I then more or less let it go, though it was always in the back of my head. Note that as I said before, I never brought it up again and tried to pass it as if it never happened after we discussed it initially. So two years goes by and we have our second son and things are fantastic. We got along better than any couple I had ever seen. We played, enjoyed each other's company, and rarely argued about anything. But shortly after he was born she went over seas and left me with both of the boys to raise by myself for a year while she was gone. I don't hold this against her because it comes with the job, there was no way around it. However, while she was gone I discovered she had NUMEROUS affairs while she was away. I was devastated! Here I am raising our 9 month old and 4 year old, so she can screw every guy that smiles at her right?? I was done. Kids or not I couldn't be with her any more. As it was put to me, it's better for the boys to be raised in 2 happy households, than one unhappy one.
So since then, about 6 years now, I've had my share of relationships. Two of them were quite serious. I was even engaged to one of them but we called it off after a year of being together. I blame this mostly on me. Ok, all of it on me. Since my divorce I have found it really hard to trust women. It's not like I stalk them or always think they're out cheating, but it's almost like I expect it. I also try to stay a little distant as well so I don't get so close to anyone. This I completely blame on my fear of ever going through anything close to what I experienced with my wife. I mean if we got along so great and she was able to sleep around on me, how is someone else not going to do the same? It's just something I can not do again.
I don't hate women, I really enjoy being with the fairer sex. But I do have issues with trusting them. I would like to someday have a long term relationship, but I don't see how I can with my fears. Is this normal?? I figured it would go away with time but it's been almost 6 years now and I still feel like it's unfair for me to expect anyone to want a real relationship with me because I know I will stay distant. Does this need to be fixed?? Or is this the way I should be?
omg i cant imagine how you had the guts to be brave enough to even try again you been through a total nightmare mate and are alot stronger than many people out there me incuded .
you said that you expect things to fail i understand that as i have done that myself in the one relationship i was in and guess what it failed .
a point to learn if you expect it to happen it will happen youll make it happen even without knowing it .
you said that you find it hard to trust women i again understand that and you been through alot but love is risk its the chance you must take to find that one person to be with
its a educated gamble my freind but you cant think that every girl will be the same just like us men are not the same .
perhaps you rushed into relationships to fast
unless you resolve that issue of trust youll never be happy i have faith in you that you will .
i hope i been of some help goodluck